Category Archives: Long Marriages

Loving commitment

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Last night we enjoyed a simple supper of homemade turkey noodle soup and fresh bread at a table surrounded by both old and young engaging in animated conversation. Toward the end of the meal Klaus casually said, “Brooke and I went shopping for antiques today…. and we got engaged.”

He said it so matter-of-factly, we all froze, waiting for a punch line. But then we looked at the smiling Brooke, who slowly raised her left hand to reveal a sparkling diamond ring. Klaus wasn’t kidding!

Everyone broke into applause, jumping from their chairs and scrambling over each other to deliver congratulations and hugs. Grandchildren Nicholas, Evelyn, and Thomas were stunned at our crazy behavior, wondering how the focus so rapidly had shifted from dessert to a ring.

But we wanted the juicy details. Klaus had enlisted the help of several friends to pull off his surprise, “planting” them and his ring at an antique store ahead of time. Store employees were in on it too, willingly nestling the diamond ring among others inside a glass case. Brooke had been looking for a casual ring of turquoise, so the two of them were browsing through the jewelry. When Klaus nonchalantly pointed out the diamond ring and said, “How ‘bout that one?” Brooke was puzzled.

But when he dropped to one knee, her bewilderment changed to joy, and the clerks broke into tears. As planned, Klaus’ friends caught everything on film, a successful surprise with a lovely ending.

Or I should say “beginning.”

Anyone who’s experienced a proposal can vividly recall that moment. How a man handles this important event makes a mark on the relationship that will last throughout the marriage, not just in the woman’s mind, but in his, too.

By giving an engagement ring, a man is pledging to put that one woman above all others, which is the official beginning of an exclusive, lifelong bond marked by a special ring. He is promising her, and she is believing him. And since marriage was God’s idea, he’s involved in that moment, too, holding up a banner                                                                     that reads, “Loving commitment.”

When a man proposes, he’s lovingly committing to his fiancee’, which greatly pleases the Lord. But yesterday God wasn’t just standing by passively at the antique store. He was making a commitment, too, to be as involved in their relationship as they ask him to be.

He has said that earthly marriage is a visual for the relationship between Jesus and the Church worldwide, which is us. So, as Klaus honors God by staying faithful to the loving commitment he made yesterday to Brooke, and as Brooke responds to him with respect, their marriage will thrive and God will be blessed. Bumps in the road will be made smooth, and they’ll make it to their 50th wedding anniversary hand-in-hand.

As for the rest of us, we are thrilled to welcome vivacious Brooke into the Nyman family and are eagerly looking forward to celebrating with them at their spring wedding!

 “Let no one split apart what God has joined together.” (Mark 10:9)

A Good God

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Last weekend we marked the 21st anniversary of my father’s death in 1991. Dad was a late bloomer. He dated only one woman and didn’t get started on that project until his 40’s, but that slow start never disadvantaged him. He and Mom made it to their 50th anniversary, and I remember well the party we planned for them.

Several members of their original wedding party from 1941 were able to join us, bringing their remembrances with them. Granddaughters modeled Mom’s wedding gown and a bridesmaid’s dress, and a Chicago bakery recreated their wedding cake. The celebration was like an exclamation point at the end of a good marriage, because the very next month God called Dad to heaven.

Whenever something happens with unusual timing like that, it’s probably God’s way of getting our attention. He orchestrates things purposefully and hopes we’ll learn from it. What message might have been buried within the unusual timing of Mom and Dad’s 50th anniversary being followed so quickly by Dad’s death?

One lesson might be the importance of waiting to make big decisions until God gives the green light. When Dad’s 20’s and 30’s were passing him by, he could have panicked, wondering if he’d ever find the right girl. Would he miss out on married love, a home with children, grandchildren?

Marriage is a decision of considerable consequence, and Dad wisely waited until all indicators pointed to the right time and the right woman. But marrying at 42 made it seem unlikely he and Mom would reach their 50th. God, however, said, “Just watch me.” Dad’s late start had been the Lord’s perfect choice after all.

A second thing we can learn from the timing of Dad’s death is that God has control of our calendars. We write and rewrite them, but God makes last- minute rearrange- ments whenever he chooses. So we learn it’s a good idea to remember whose endorsement we should seek before we make our plans.

One last thing we can learn from the Lord’s timing with Dad is that God is good. Scripture tells us God delights in giving gifts to his children, and Dad’s making it all the way to the 50th was one of them. The trick for us now is to remember that the God-is-good character quality is still a part of God, even when his gifts might seem few and far between.

Our Lord doesn’t change. He was a good God before 1991, has been good since then, and will be good throughout eternity. If he does or doesn’t show that to us, it has no effect on whether or not it’s true. God himself put it best when he said, “I am who I am.”

Dad’s been gone a long while, and sometimes we think it’s a shame he’s missed 21 years of family life. But of course he’s having his own special good times in God’s family, where the Lord’s goodness can be visualized every single day.

“No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.” (Psalm 84:11)

A Familiar Prompt

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Two years ago, when I was a new widow, Sundays were the most difficult day of every week. Apparently this isn’t uncommon for a woman who’s lost her husband, since he was the one she’d spent every Sunday with, from sharing a hymnal, to a brunch after church, through an afternoon nap.

In the beginning I couldn’t sit in a service without tears and usually had to make use of the two tissues in my pocket. Just seeing a couple seated side-by-side in the congregation was enough to produce a wave of distress. If the husband put his arm around his wife or took her hand, it was over for me. These simple gestures were poignant reminders of what I’d lost, and it took over a year to become sorrow-free in church again.

During this second year, however, attending church hasn’t been nearly as difficult. To the contrary, it’s been a blessing. This morning, though, without warning, something popped me back to that first year. All it took was seeing a man’s wedding band.

He was sitting in front of me and had his arm over the back of his daughter’s chair. His ring was identical to Nate’s with milgrain-style edging. I focused on that ring and thought of Nate’s wedding band hanging on a gold chain in my bedroom at home. It was on a necklace only because it had been taken off his hand before we buried him, but it was never meant to be jewelry for me.

Many young grooms opt out of wedding bands these days, but Nate was delighted to wear his. The day in 1969 when I put it on his finger was, he told me, one of his lifetime highlights. He was glad to display his ring as a sign that he was married and never tired of talking about his family.

No marriage is without its difficult places, though. Often couples are taken by surprise with the tough stuff that comes along: career disappointments, accidents, bone-deep fatigue, physical handicaps, parenting challenges, unexpected deaths, money shortages, severe illness. Any one of these can swamp a couple.

God explained his purpose for marriage when he said it wasn’t good for people to spend too much time alone, but marriage isn’t always easy. His idea was that there be two people bonded in a show of togetherness that could defend their union against any common enemy, no matter what it was. In other words, “Whatever has threatened you has threatened me, too, and we’ll fight it together.” As Mom used to say, shared burdens are cut in half.

This morning, my glimpse of a stranger’s wedding band brought a jumble of thoughts as I sat in church missing Nate. But tears didn’t factor in. While staring at that familiar-looking wedding ring, I felt God prompting me toward gratitude, because Nate had been the one who saw to it that we made it through even the hard times.

“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12a)