The Benefits of Nostalgia

My dad was born in 1899 and grew up in a Chicago that had dirt roads and wooden sidewalks. The women wore floor-length dresses, and ordinary folk didn’t own cars, telephones, or electric anything. Most people never traveled farther than the blocks of their own ethnic neighborhoods, and national election results were announced with fireworks.

My sister, brother, and I heard fascinating tales about Dad’s growing up years and hoped to preserve them for generations to come. Video cameras weren’t available in the early ’80′s, but we did have cassette players, so we decided to record his remembrances as we followed him to each of his childhood homes and neighborhoods, taking pictures along the way to accompany the tape. No one was more thrilled about this than him.

Years after Dad died, we did something similar with Mom, and today Mary and I talked about our own children, wondering if they’d be interested in preserving our histories as we had with our parents. This morning we decided to make a preliminary tour of the pertinent sights from our younger days, planning how we might organize the information. At each house from our pasts, we knocked on the door and walked around the property. No one was home.

Our last stop was Nate’s and my first house, beautifully maintained since we’d last lived there 37 years ago. The owner, working at home, answered our knock and, after hearing why we were interested, enthusiastically invited us in.

Although the house had been reconfigured in several minor ways, it was much the same. In the upstairs bathroom I recognized the tiny floor tiles and old toilet and tub. “High quality,” the man said. “No need to replace them.” I looked at the tub and remembered the early morning in 1973 when I sat on the edge of it trying to decide if I was in labor or not, and several hours later, we became parents.

As we walked through each room, old memories flooded my mind and Mary’s, too. The man seemed interested and asked us endless questions about the house. We left promising to send photos from the 1970’s and the original house listing.

Why is it so much fun to rehash the old days? Maybe it’s a validation of the path we’ve walked. Maybe it’s a longing to go back, to be young again. Or maybe it’s gratitude that we don’t have to.

As Mary and I talked between stops, we shared remembrances, some sweet, some bittersweet, and decided the best approach was to count the blessings rather than the sorrows. Part of that was identifying where God had interjected his influence and changed the course of events.

We talked of how he’d directed Dad’s and Mom’s lives, how he continued by guiding ours, and how he’s lovingly touching our children the same way. “And if you forget everything else,” God said, “remember that.”

Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me.” (Isaiah 46:9) remind

Burden-Bearer

After a woman learns she’s expecting her first baby, like it or not she’s joined the Burden-Bearing Club. She doesn’t feel the weight of it at first, but as the weeks pass, understanding dawns. Then after 9 months, she’s eager to go through the misery of labor and delivery, because it means she can unload her burden.

But burden-bearing doesn’t end there. All parents quickly become acquainted with the lifting, hauling, and holding that their new role brings. Even a 7 pound newborn becomes a back-breaker after enough carrying duty.

Looking back on the heavy lifting of parenthood, my prominent thought is of Nate. His M.O. was always to lighten my load, and his constant question was, “Can I carry that for you?” Even if he already had his arms full and I had only one thing, he’d offer to take it from me.

I remember trudging through Disney World years ago with our own children and another family, watching Nate walk ahead of me next to the other dad. The two men were laughing, having a good time, and Nate resembled a pack horse for all the bags and bundles hanging from his shoulders. But because his motivation was always to help me, he carried his load lightly.

Scripture describes a similar picture when God says, “Can I carry that for you?” He’s referring to our sins, knowing how burdened we feel when we know we’re in the wrong and haven’t done anything about it.

The biblical David described this exact dilemma: “My guilt overwhelms me—it is a burden too heavy to bear. I am on the verge of collapse… But I confess my sins; I am deeply sorry for what I have done.” (Psalm 38:3-4,17-18) If we follow David’s example, we’ll find the same relief he did: “May all who search for you [Lord] be filled with joy and gladness in you. May those who love your salvation repeatedly shout, ‘The Lord is great!’ You are my helper and my savior.” (Psalm 40:16-17)

Although Nate’s shouldering of my burdens had to end when he passed away, God’s carrying never stops. He established it permanently when Jesus took responsibility for all sin, for all time, everywhere. And it’ll continue forevermore for anyone who takes advantage of the reprieve he offers.

I probably shouldn’t have taken such regular advantage of Nate’s offer to carry my burdens, but his “can I carry” continued, even when he didn’t feel good. This picture, taken about 6 months before he died, tells the tale. We knew nothing of his deadly cancer then, although it had probably already taken hold, but his back was torturing him. Even then he asked if he could carry my weighty red purse on a sight-seeing trip in England.

 

Although every good man offers to carry his wife’s burdens, only the finest will shoulder her purse.

“Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you.” (Psalm 55:22)

Furry Friend… or Foe?

Our nation has experienced record-breaking warmth this spring. Experts are confident wintery weather won’t return but that we’ll slide through a balmy spring right into a hot summer. Although I’d been keeping my winter clothes handy, today I gave up and swapped my cold weather wardrobe for the summer stuff.

One winter clothing item has always caused problems, though, even threatening to come between Nate and me years ago. I remember the Christmas he handed me a heavy gift box the size of a suitcase, nearly bouncing up and down in anticipation of me opening it.

He gathered the children to watch as I slowly untied the big red bow, and I just hoped my response to whatever was in the box would measure up to his expectation.

Inside was a full length black mink coat. I was completely taken by surprise, never having asked for a fur coat (or having wanted one). The best I could do was, “Wow! I sure never expected this!”

Nate’s thrill over giving me what he thought every girl always wanted was so strong, he missed my tepid response. Instead he pulled me out of the chair and helped me put it on, dancing me around the room to show the kids what a magnificent gift it was.

They took turns trying it on, bending under its weight, oooing and ahhhing approval. Lest I seem like an ingrate, my surprise at receiving the coat did translate into love and gratitude toward a thoughtful husband who chose his gift because he wanted to please me.

Falling in love with the coat, however, was another matter.

As the weeks went by, the mink became a thorn between us. When it was cold he’d say, “Aren’t you going to wear it?”

I’d say, “Oh sure. Ok.” But he sensed reluctance. My problem with the coat was four-fold. It wouldn’t move with me, it was too warm, too heavy, and worst of all, it made me look fat. It also bothered me that when we went to public places, Nate didn’t want to leave it on a coat rack, concerned for its safety. Instead we took it to our restaurant table or into the church pew. We also had to rent cold storage during the summer, a bill I resented paying.

Thirty years later I still have the coat, and it’s still beautiful, probably because it didn’t get much use. I regret not wearing it more, if for no other reason than to please Nate, and my unappreciative attitude was the perfect example of putting myself ahead of him, the man I loved. It was selfishness to the core. Now, every time I put the coat away for the summer, I feel guilty and wish I could have a re-do.

Sometimes I wonder how many re-do’s I’ll wish I could have when I eventually stand in front of Jesus. It’ll be hundreds. Probably thousands, if wasted and wrong thoughts count, which they will. Although I can’t change my fur coat history, I’m glad I still have time to work on everything else.

As for my mink, the proper thing to do is give it away. Either that, or when winter comes ‘round again, start wearing it.

“The sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret.” (2 Corinthians 7:10)

Perfect Protection

We’ve all heard the rumor that a thriving population of alligators lives in the New York sewer system. That became popular in the 1950’s when local dime stores like Woolworths and Ben Franklins sold baby alligators as pets.

Actually Nate bought one of them as a school boy, bringing it home for his mother’s approval. He guessed she wouldn’t let him keep it, and after several days she did march him and his reptile back to the store for a refund. Other ‘gator owners chose to slip them down gutter drains or into sewer pipes when they grew too big to keep, which is how the sewer rumors got started.

As Nate matured, he learned how dangerous alligators could be and realized why his mother hadn’t let him keep his ‘gator when he’d pleaded to do so. She was simply protecting him from harm.

Do we ever take time to look back on the protective parenting God has done for us? If we do, we’ll notice how often he saves us from dangerous situations by overriding our poor decisions with his better alternatives. I remember one dramatic example of this as a college freshman. My roommate and I, part of a choir tour, were given one free evening to roam in a big university town.

The two of us chose to wander around the massive campus and went into the student union, looking for fun. Tacked on the bulletin board was a 3×5 card: “Party tonight in [dorm name], room 245.”

That sounded good to us, two sheltered 18 year olds without a shred of street smarts. We asked other students the way to the dorm and quickly found ourselves locked in a room with a group of rowdy boys already well-fueled on alcohol. The “party” wasn’t what we’d envisioned, and it became obvious the two of us were going to be the meat on the menu.

It’s a long story, but the bottom line was that God provided a way out, and we bolted away unscathed. Though we’d been sure of ourselves going in, the Lord knew better and saved us from our own stupidity. Looking back, we can see the recklessness of that night and are thankful for God’s intervention.

But what about those times when he doesn’t save, when he doesn’t prevent the accident or doesn’t heal the cancer? In Nate’s case, he chose not to stop a disease from taking him. Can we look back and see God’s protection? Gradually we’re gaining that exact perspective and are understanding that he did protect Nate… from having to live with debilitating pain and a slow deterioration. He also protected the rest of us from having to share in that.

But what about those cases where we look back and still can’t see how God protected? Can we trust that he did?

We can, for one good reason: his Son asked him to do so. Jesus prayed,

“Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name.” (John 17:11)

And God has been doing it ever since.

Don’t forget.

Yesterday Louisa and Birgitta were in reminiscing mode, harkening back to childhood and a certain Disney video they both remembered well. Since it had to do with Christmas, they decided to hunt for it in the basement, hoping to watch it.

They found it among the old VHS tapes: “A Walt Disney Christmas,” 6 classic cartoons from the 1930’s and 1940’s. I watched the girls as they watched the tape, enjoying their expressions and comments:

“Oh, I remember that skating couple when the ice cracked! Remember the poor children at the orphanage? And the stocking with the hole in it?”

As their favorite scenes appeared, they tried to recall how old they were when they’d memorized the details: the color of the ice, the lace on the pantaloons, the glow of a Christmas tree. All of it occurred for them more than half a lifetime ago.

Looking back at happy times is fun. It can also be instructive, and God wants us to make a practice of it. In the Old Testament he says, “Remember what the Lord did to Pharaoh and to Egypt. Remember how the Lord led you in the wilderness. Remember that the Lord redeemed you. Remember the days of old. Remember all the wonders he has done. Remember the Lord who is great and awesome. Remember the Lord’s great mercy and love.”

On and on his training-in-remembering goes as he coaxes us to look back. If he did great things for us “then,” he can do the great things “now.” His desire is for us to focus on his past capabilities rather than our circumstantial difficulties. When things aren’t going well, we tend to quickly slip into despair rather than count on him to come through, and reminding us of past victories is his way of lifting our sagging spirits.

Even better than our look back, though, is his: he never needs remembrance-prompting because he never forgets. When he makes a promise, he follows through. What he says he’ll do, he always does, without exception. God has never been into making excuses. Scripture says he “remembers his covenant, remembers us and blesses us, remembers us in our low estate” and many more. On and on his mindfulness goes, mindfulness of us.

If we were as mindful of him, our lives would be far less stressful and less cluttered with worry. Trusting God would be easier, and our faith in him would grow by leaps and bounds.

“Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me.” (Isaiah 46:9)