It’s been 5 days since we heard the dreadful news, and we are just beginning to come up for air.
In that first conversation with a doctor, in just a few excruciating minutes, Nate and I found ourselves tangled up in a snarl of horrifying words we did not expect: pancreatic cancer, inoperable, metastasized, stage 4, terminal.
“Stunned” does not explain our response. “Crushed” is better. “Devastated” is accurate.
The doctor was backed by six others in the room, all eyes fixed on us. When he paused to let us respond, I spoke first. Trying to will the words away, to banish them from the room, I said, “But we only came for surgery on his back! He doesn’t have any other symptoms! We don’t know anything about any of this!” As my voice got louder and began to crack, Nate reached for my hand.
We had known about his back pain and the stenosis, bulging disks, arthritis and spurs causing it. Having made the rounds to several doctors, we’d settled on “the best in the country” and signed up for spine surgery to take place on September 28… which is tomorrow. In Nate’s routine pre-op physical, multiple red flags popped up. Two short weeks after that, we were sitting in a hospital conference room surrounded by learned doctors, being assaulted with unwanted words.
Encouraging friends have responded. “Remember, this was not a surprise to God.”
And my heart has screamed, “BUT IT WAS TO US!”
Today, five days later, we are still reeling but are no longer screaming inside, at least not on this day. Our family is gathering. We all agree on how we want to spend our time. Love and support is pouring in from all directions, some quite unexpected and all exceedingly helpful and precious to us.
I plan to use this blog space to keep interested parties informed of Nate’s situation while the clock ticks and the days pass. As we begin putting one foot in front of the other to plod into this foreign land, we’ll let you know how things are going. Feel free to comment. And thank you so much for your kindnesses to us already. We’ve seen that our un-surprised God has traveled ahead of us and now stretches out his hand to say, “Over here now. Follow me. It’s all going to utterly amaze you, and I can’t wait to show you.” And so with tears streaming down our faces making it hard to see, we follow.
“May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you.” (2 Thessalonians 2:16)
Love and big hugs to you. We’re standing with you. Thanks for letting us follow with you.
Margaret,
I have been reading your blog and loving your writing style but was stunned to read this post. My prayers are with all of you. Love, Tish
We are thinking and praying for you daily. Thank you for letting us know. We hope to see you soon. Love and Hugs and Blessings, Debbie, Mike, Tom and Lisa
Oh Margaret! I’m so very sorry to hear your sad news. I can’t imagine . . . Thank you for sharing and allowing us to pray for you and your family. Deborah
I am so sorry Margaret…may the peace of our God -that goes beyond understanding- be with you, Nate and your beautiful children…receive my love and blessings…love, love, love, love to you
Margaret… you have been coming to mind so much lately. Now I know why. God has indeed already surrounded you. He is carrying you and will continue to do so. I will keep you all in my prayers. In His love… Sue Thompson
Margaret…this news was shocking to me, I can empathize only a portion; Looking back on the past few months, I agree with Sue’s comment; God has been preparing you, gone before you, and now He WILL – BATH YOU IN HIS GRACE to ‘get THROUGH’…this challenge together with all the love that surrounds you from HIM through family and friends. I most assuredly am not being trite…but I DO BELIEVE IN the power of prayer and miracles…HE IS…JEHOVAH RAPHA ..EL SHADDAI… i SPEAK..Nate’s name every morning for HIS touch to heal his body and believe for that manifestation to be a witness for His miracle power..Amen
In His love,
OK guys, I’m standing with you.
You are such an example of faith to everyone around you, especially your kids. You are my hero. I love you.
…just when you thought the earthquakes were over,,,, another frightening tremor. May God above remove the fear as you walk with Him. I’m standing in prayer also for you, my friend, and your precious family.
Love and prayers for Nate.
Margaret and Nate,
My mom forwarded me the news of your cancer diagnosis. I am heartbroken for you and your family. I have been praying for you and your children and trust that God’s love and protection will carry you through every dark place in this journey. I will pray that …”you do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” 2 Cor. 4:16. With love,
Lynn
We are all shedding tears with you. Love you all.
Julia and family
Wow, what powerful words! Everyone tries to console with the dreary sadness that is unavoidable when hearing the news. You put it in a victorious way, even though tears makes it hard to see! I hope we all can be as much of a gift to your family as you all are to the rest of us!
Dave
Dear Margaret,
“Where your treasure is, so will your heart be.” A big chunk of your heart is about to preceed you to heaven. With so much treasure residing there already, you’ll never need to be reminded that this is not your home. We’re praying…
Donna
Margaret,
Please know we are lifting you all in prayer to the sovereign All-knowing, Most High whose Divine Wisdom is wiser than we. We know our Lord will hold you all tenderly in His almighty hands. Love from all the Greens.
Linda and Ray
Margaret….my mind and heart have been gripped with Nate’s diagnosis. I can just barely fathom that this is happening to our dear friend Nate. I carry both of you in my thoughts and prayers continually pleading with God that His grace would be sufficient and that you would know His peace that passes all understanding. We know that an all-wise God does not make mistakes, but the physical, emotional and spiritual pain and suffering we go through sometimes is almost overwhelming. God is greater than our pain. Praying that He will carry you through this great trial in an amazing way. My love and prayers are with you,
Rebecca
Thank you for sharing so openly during this difficult time. So many friends love you and it helps to know what’s happening – and helps us pray for you better.
May you feel God’s presence in a very real way as you journey on. I will keep you in my prayers.
Love,
Lori
Dear Margaret and all, I am SO sorry to
hear this news. Thanks to Mary for including me in the emailing. I had no’
idea of the problems with the sale of your house, let alone the Cancer. I will join so many others in praying and
very much want to know how things go.
Love in Christ, Ruth
Margaret: I just learned of your devastating news from Mary and your blog site. Thanks so much for letting me know so that I can share in your suffering and pray for you my dear friend of many years. Martha
Dear Nate and Margaret,
I know you are fixed on Him,
in the valley.
Much love, Cal
Nate & Margaret.Wally and l are so saddened by this news of Nates cancer.We will be praying for you all that God in His loving kindness will bring you through these rough waters with peace & understanding beyond all that we can hope or think.We love you guys and wish Gods Loving grace on you all. Love Wally & Barb Fuja
Margatet and Nate, Heard about your life experience yesterday at a friends. I was reading Isaiah 43:1-2 the AM and thought it was a good reminder to share with you today. “When you go through deep waters and great trouble I will be with you. When you walk through the fire of oppression the flames will not consume you. The Lord who made you says DO not be afraid for I have ransomed you, I have called you by name. You are mine”. Praying for you!!!!!!!!!!!
Margaret,
I have shared this with Mom. Since we have known of Nate’s cancer, your family has been in our prayers, everyday. God doesn’t promise easy roads, just that HE IS ENOUGH, to take you on the journey He has planned for you. I know He will prove Himself over and over again. All of our love. – The Craigs
Margaret, I don’t know you, but a friend told me about your blog. She thought you and I sound just alike expressing our feelings. My heart so cried out for you. You are in the darkest place one can be in. My thought–what a special family this must be. I have been there too, but at times I did not have the peace you express. But, Margaret, something so sacred happened to me that I could tell only a select few. My Heavenly Father took me to a place, explained what was happening, and why I was there. Has the Word of God become so alive to you that you could hear the still small voice of God? This is not spooky or anything like that. He is precious, and His Word is precious.
I would wish to finish sharing with you, but I realize I can’t in this short comment. My prayer is to be a blessing to you and Nate. May God bless you both so much this very moment.
With Sincerity,
Martha Ann
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