Category Archives: Life’s disappointments

Choosing Life

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Tonight Louisa, Birgitta, and I decided to share a movie together, one that came recommended as “highly moral” and “deeply moving.” We should have packed the Kleenex box.

In the film “October Baby” Hannah, a 19-year-old college student, finds out that her many longstanding health problems are a result of having been delivered prematurely, at 24 weeks, because of a failed abortion. The movie follows her as she searches for answers to the mysteries of her past and watches her struggle to find the woman who opted to abort her. Hannah battles the overwhelming emotion of feeling hated and unwanted, determined to rearrange her life according to what she finds out on her quest.

Poignant moments? They came one after another.

The movie detailed the misery of abortion, not just for the woman and her child but for the periphery players as well. As the credits rolled, we sat in our theater seats stunned by what we’d seen. The scriptural word pictures from Psalm 139 rushed through my mind: “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret.” (v. 13-15)

The fact that the “soul knows it very well” is the reason, I believe, women who’ve had abortions are bothered, even tormented later by having made that decision. Thankfully the movie highlighted the balm of forgiveness, from God, and from person-to-person, marking a clear path for viewers who might need healing, to find it.

Maybe the deeper reason the movie impacted me significantly tonight was that sitting next to me was Birgitta, my precious daughter, who found herself alone in an Iowa clinic in February, listening to a woman explain the abortion possibility for her unplanned baby.

But Birgitta chose life.

So now we are expecting our own “October Baby.”

“I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants, by loving the Lord your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him.” (Deuteronomy 30:19-20)

Bottoming Out

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My first official job was as a waitress in a small California diner, and I tested the cook’s patience as she tried to teach me serving skills. One day I was responsible for restaurant chaos as a result of not having listened carefully about the coffee machine.

In those days, no homeowner had a coffee maker in her kitchen, and I had no idea how they worked. Our restaurant had a big one with 3 burners and 3 pots, a complicated contraption at best.

One morning during a breakfast shift, I made a fresh pot of coffee for the men lined up at the counter enjoying ham and eggs. When I grabbed the pot and swung it around for coffee refills, the bottom fell out of the glass pot, along with all the scalding coffee. Those seated on the stools leaped up in unison as if they’d been choreographed to do so, shouting their complaints.

The cook charged in from the kitchen, immediately sizing up the situation. The coffee pot, half in my hand and half in glass shards on the floor, had been sitting empty on a hot burner. As the fresh coffee dripped into it, nothing appeared different, but the pot had cracked, and its contents were doomed.

A glass carafe isn’t the only thing subject to its bottom falling out. The proverbial bottom can fall out of life, too. When everything breaks apart we ask, “How did we get burned so badly?” Usually it has something to do with being on a “hot seat” too long.

Although the coffee pot incident was completely my fault, we’re not always the ones responsible when the bottom falls out of life. It might be a convergence of unusual circumstances or the result of an attack by someone else. It might even be God, who sometimes lets us fall to a place of brokenness on purpose. (When he does, though, it’s only after he’s tried to get our attention in gentler ways first.)

If we reach out to him for help when we’re at the bottom, the result is a lifting-up with better results than if we’d never fallen at all. To stay in a hot spot that’s burning us with increasing intensity does more damage than if we break apart, for one reason: it’s God who is willing to put us back together.

That restaurant mistake showed me heat can cause disaster. But in the 46 years since learning that lesson, I’ve been careful not to put glass on a hot burner.

When the bottom falls out and God picks up our broken pieces, the fresh beginning he offers comes with increased smarts, and we usually do things differently after that. Although we may end up with a burn scar, it’s always worth it.

“The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.” (Psalm 51:17)

Ignorance is bliss.

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Recently in the news we learned of a 17 year old boy so eager to own an ipod and ipad he was willing to sell one of his organs to get them. Through an internet chat room he arranged to sell one of his kidneys for the equivalent of $3500 and underwent major surgery without telling his parents.

In China where he lives, organs are highly prized and going like hot cakes through a well organized black market. Wang’s kidney sold for $32,000, and most of that money went to pay off a gambling debt. I’d say the biggest gamble was buying a youth’s kidney and hoping not to get caught. All 5 people involved are under arrest for illegal organ trading and unintentional injury.

As for Wang, he recuperated in the beginning without too much trouble, and his mother was none the wiser until she saw him working with his new Apple products. When she quizzed him about his money source, he ‘fessed up. Today, one year after his surgery, Wang is struggling with kidney failure and overall poor health. His prognosis isn’t known.

Young people aren’t the only ones who make bad decisions. All of us occasionally succumb to our emotions and choose poorly, usually bringing a heap of misery on ourselves in the process. If we wrote down all the cause-and-effect relationships in Scripture, the list would be as long as toilet paper off a roll. But ignorance is bliss, and often we’d rather not know. That kind of bliss can be costly.

Sometimes God saves us from our own foolish choices, but other times not. When he decides to let us take care of our own risk management, he does it with our eventual good in mind. I can imagine him smiling at the complicated messes we make, knowing that when it’s finally all been cleaned up, we won’t soon forget what we learned through pain and suffering.

When Nate and I were poor newlyweds and he was still in law school, the local blood bank paid $25 for a donated pint. We were in there as often as allowed, usually signing up to give again before the compulsory 6 weeks between donations had elapsed. If we’d seen an ad for kidney purchase, we probably would have signed up for that, too.

In Proverbs 12 we read, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes.” With hindsight being 20/20, we all know the truth of that. But foresight? That’s a little harder to come by.

And besides, it always seems like such a good idea at the time.

“Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do.” (Ephesians 5:17)

Vandalism Forgiven

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If we zone out while driving because we know our route backwards and forwards, we can miss all kinds of interesting sights. For example, the other day I drove under a viaduct and enjoyed an unexpected smile when I spotted a cheerful, rainbow-colored message: Happy B-day  KJO

Two words came to mind: celebration and youth. With only a split second to study the artwork, I could only assume it was spelled out with disposable plastic drinking cups. I’d seen those kinds of messages pushed into chain link fences before, but only in white Styrofoam. This was something fresh and new.

The next underpass added more info: Happy B-day Kelli Jo

Without doubt this was the work of high school girls, and as I drove, I pictured a group of them giddily working on the bridge the night before, hurriedly pushing the cups into the fence before they got caught, maybe well after dark.

Some people would call those signs vandalism, or at least littering, both of which are against the law. They might describe them as “messes made by thoughtless youngsters who expect others to clean up after them.” But maybe such thinking is out of place.

Might this be a case for grace?

All of us know people who shine at giving grace to others. They look on the bright side of each situation and hunt for reasons to be thankful. We feel at ease around them, knowing these grace-based people are also non-judgmental. We’re free to be ourselves and can rest easy in the relationship, despite our failures and flaws.

And this is exactly how Jesus wants us to perceive him, as a grace-based Person. When we fall short of his high standards and failure hounds us, he immediately looks on the bright side, hoping we’ll do better next time. He also hunts for ways to hearten us when we’re disheartened and in the process looks for reasons to be thankful for us (hard to believe, but true). Although he’s also the ultimate Judge and has the power to act on all of his justice-based opinions, he often clears us instead, eliminating the blame and shame we deserve.

And he does it by his grace.

My name isn’t Kelli Jo, and it wasn’t my birthday the other day, but seeing those signs put a little sparkle into a boring expressway drive. And by the way, the accurate definition of vandalism is “deliberately malicious destruction or damage of property,” which this wasn’t. And the definition of littering is “rubbish strewn or scattered about,” which this wasn’t either.

Kelli Jo can continue to take pleasure in her birthday greetings… as long as she eventually climbs up on the bridge and collects all 264 of those pretty colored cups.

“From [Jesus Christ’s] abundance, we have all received one gracious blessing after another.” (John 1:16)

Rough Patches

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All of us have been driving when suddenly a torn patch of road shakes the car and has us swerving to avoid potholes. The road of life can be like that, too, presenting us with sudden rough patches in finances, marriages, friendships, or our spiritual lives. But if we take our time, if we slow down enough to carefully navigate around the cracks and dips, we can avoid potholes-worth of problems.

God is linked into this idea, too, knowing that when we calm our pace, we’ll hear him better. And when we hear him better, we’ll learn how to avoid trouble.

All of us remember Mr. Rogers of public television fame. He was popular with children because he moved at a slow speed, waiting for them to catch up if necessary. Although adults sometimes made fun of his unhurried pace, truth be told they appreciated him for it, too.

I recall one evening on Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show when Fred Rogers was a guest. At the beginning of the interview, Johnny asked questions tongue-in-cheek, winking at the audience. When he asked Mr. Rogers to sing one of his original songs, Fred looked Johnny straight in the eye and without a trace of hurry sang:

“It’s you I like–
Every part of you,
Your skin, your eyes, your feelings
Whether old or new.
I hope that you’ll remember
Even when you’re feeling blue
That it’s you I like…”

By the end, Johnny was wiping away a tear of emotion after having genuinely absorbed the sincere message of the song. Mr. Rogers’ calculated singing had slowed Johnny down long enough to hear the meaningful message.

What an effective illustration of our communication with God. So often we come into his presence flustered and rushed, hoping to have a quick, economical session with him. I’ve even initiated prayer times by asking God to make our few moments “efficient.” But hurried communication with the Almighty isn’t good communication, and unless we approach God like Mr. Rogers approached Johnny Carson, slowly and deliberately, we can’t expect much in return.

When we slow down enough to appreciate and adore him, good things will happen. If our minds are already on the next event, not much of significance will occur. So how do we bring ourselves to a screeching halt in a high-speed world? Even if we do it bodily, how can we keep our brains from buzzing?

We do it the same way we avoid highway potholes: by focusing on the damage we’ll cause if we blast into them, which then motivates us to slow down enough to see and avoid them. Likewise, if we ponder the damage to our spiritual lives as we race in and out of God’s presence, we’ll slow ourselves down enough to hear him.

And it’ll be then that he’ll let us know how to avoid all the rough patches life’s road has to offer.
“Do not be in a hurry to leave the king’s presence.” (Ecclesiastes 8:3)