Monthly Archives: April 2014

What time is it?

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Cancer is responsible for having ruined many days for Mary in the last few weeks, and it chalked up another one today. Back at Mayo Clinic in Minnesota for meetings with several doctors, Mary and Bervin listened to honest reports about her prognosis and heard again that a “best case scenario” is to buy some time with chemotherapy. Today that sounded like a high price, and worst of all, even after paying it, gains weren’t guaranteed.

Tonight Mary texted me the following:

“Today was a rough day, but with the Lord’s help, we’re through it. Luke showed up and was wonderful, asking good questions and pushing for answers, options, etc. The chemo docs were experts and were very kind, as everyone up here is. What I heard is that chemo, at best, will only postpone the inevitable, and though we’ve known that since we got the diagnosis, it’s difficult to hear it verbalized.”

MaryCancer makes everything difficult. When it touches an individual, a family, and a circle of friends, the touch is one of pain, both physical and emotional. So today Mary has been doing the excruciating work of weighing her options. She wrote:

“Though the chemo docs said I shouldn’t give up, I kept thinking about Elizabeth Elliott’s quote: ‘In acceptance there is peace.’ I want to be totally on board with and at peace with God’s plan and timing. I think I am, and then find myself getting caught up with all the earthly excitement of babies and weddings, and I find myself longing for more earth-time, not longing for heaven like I should be. I’m ashamed to admit it!”

There is no shame in an admission of honest feelings, and God is pleased that Mary has always embraced life with joy and gladness. In Ecclesiastes he teaches there’s a right time for everything, and that long list includes a time to cry, a time to lament, a time to hold on, and a time to let go. It also says there’s a time to make war and a time to make peace. Today Mary has been asking herself, what time is it for me?

As she works to shape her answer to that question, she knows where to go for advice. She wrote, “God will help me to get a right perspective. It’s been a challenging day, but tomorrow will be better!”

Cancer makes every day challenging, but even while feeling vulnerable and without too many options, Mary has the one option that trumps all others: a God she can trust with the rest of her life.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you.” (Isaiah 43:2)

Mary’s Prayer Requests

  1. Praise that chemo can be done at the Chicago hospital near their home
  2. Praise for Luke’s steady, knowledgeable presence on this difficult day
  3. Pray for unfettered trust in whatever God tells her to do
  4. Pray for the peace of God that passes all understanding

A Journey, Good and Bad

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MapToday Mary and Bervin traveled back to Minnesota for several important appointments at the Mayo Clinic, a journey that came with good news and bad news. The good news will be when Mary’s doctor tells her his Whipple surgery is healing perfectly, right on schedule. The bad news will come as they meet Mary’s oncologist, a “chemo man.” He’ll detail Mary’s “phase 2” treatment plan for the next few months and may even want to kick-start it this week.

Mary is resigned to the necessity of chemotherapy but of course is dreading it. We’ve all heard too many war stories not to feel that way along with her. After tomorrow’s meeting she’ll know more of the details, but tonight she feels like she’s stepping onto a long, winding road.  Despite not knowing what pitfalls lie ahead, however, she has committed to go the distance.

Airdate: Sunday, November 12 (9-11 p.m. ET)Today as I thought about Mary beginning this extended journey, God brought another journeyman to mind: Abraham of the Bible. In that different day and time, his experience had several things in common with Mary’s. For one thing, he was told to set out without being given the specifics of his route or what was going to happen to him along the way, just like Mary. He knew some of it would be painful and surely wondered how bad it might get.

Even more significant than Abraham’s journey, though, was that of Jesus. From the moment of his birth, he began journeying toward the cross. Though he was God incarnate, as fully-man he probably didn’t know exactly what the route would look like or what his specific setbacks would be. And surely he must have experienced dread.

Palm Sunday's paradeEven as he made his way from the hills outside Jerusalem into the city on what we now call Palm Sunday, he knew that the devotees waving branches and singing allegiance to him would turn on him just a few days hence. Yet he didn’t step back from his journey. One pace after another, he saw it through.

All of that sounds like bad news, but there is some really good news for those on a God-prescribed journey. We can look at both Jesus and Abraham and see how Father-God was present and proactive in their lives along the way, partnering with them as they moved forward. And when they needed support and blessing, he delivered (with the unique exception of Jesus on the cross).

The present, proactive God will be there for Mary, too, as her faithful Sustainer, holding her firmly throughout her chemotherapy journey and rescuing her from pitfalls. And just like Abraham and Jesus, he will bring her out the other side.

“Hear my prayer, O Lord, and give ear to my cry. Do not be silent at my tears; for I am a…. sojourner like all my fathers.” (Psalm 39:12)

Mary’s Prayer Requests

  1. For good reports on Monday
  2. For God’s peace between now and the meeting with the oncologist
  3. Praise that the pain of the feeding tube has all but subsided
  4. Praise for a morning back at Moody Church!

This Day

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???????????????????????????????I have some note cards with an impactful Scripture on the front: “This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24) It’s a verse many have memorized because of its cheery philosophy, but I think the real reason we love it is because we hope some day we can do it.

Mary has been a champion at putting this verse into practice ever since she heard the words “pancreatic cancer” on February 15. Maybe that’s because when we’re healthy, we subconsciously think another tomorrow will always come.

Of course our brains know the truth. All of us will live a “last day,” and eventually another tomorrow will not come. But trying to apply it to the particular tomorrow that’s next in line is another thing altogether.

Hearing the frosty facts of possible terminal illness linked with our names, however, usually does the trick. That may be one of the many reasons God allows such frightening news to come to us. It’s an automatic jump-start to appreciating today.

I look back at Mary’s text messages from February and see how she has practiced being glad for each day. When I asked what she was doing one day she wrote, “I’m sitting in the sunshine that’s streaming through my windows. It feels great.”

Or when I said, “Is there anything you need?” she said, “I don’t need a thing. I’m surrounded by loving care every minute.” Or, one more example, “Are you nervous about today’s tests?” And she said, “My life is in God’s hands. He’ll get me through whatever comes.”

Mary’s behavior is a tutoring session in how to live out Psalm 118:24 (above). When our tomorrows become uncertain, we have no trouble ascribing greater value to our todays. I felt the same thing happen when Nate received his deadly diagnosis in 2009. Each new day brought new losses, but watching how fast he was changing caused each day to become enormously valuable, sometimes each hour.

One other group that’s good at being glad in their todays is children. They’re very adept at living in the now. This morning I found a picture (below) lying on my basement floor.

???????????????????????????????I have no idea where it came from, but the message was rich. I don’t remember who wrote it or what that particular day was about, but the gladness was so strong it funneled through that child and right onto the sidewalk.

As Mary and Bervin head into an uncertain future, it’s comforting to know she’s already mastered the art of appreciating each day. She’s following God’s specific instructions, and I’m confident he’ll reward her accordingly.

“I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me. No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice.My body rests in safety.” (Psalm 16:8-9)

Mary’s Prayer Requests

  1. For continued weight gain
  2. For peace of mind about the future, especially during the night
  3. Praise that pain from feeding tube is almost gone
  4. Praise for being able to travel to Michigan tomorrow