Category Archives: Marriage

Young Love (#14)

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Nate was gaining in confidence and brought up the subject of introducing me to his parents. I was a little nervous about this, since it felt like I was being nudged into a new level of commitment I hadn’t yet made.

It was nice that he seemed proud of me and was sure his folks would like me. But I didn’t want to give them (or Nate) the wrong impression. By no means was I “all in.”

hmmmHiding beneath the exciting reality of dating two great guys at once was a deep wound that still hadn’t healed – the upsetting split from my old boyfriend 4 months previously. It was continuing to fester and cause pain, and I still thought about him every day. The bottom line was, I didn’t want to commit to anyone new, fearing another broken heart.

Feb. 18, 1969 – Dear Meg. I am really beginning to need you emotionally and spiritually. Sudden desires to be with you possess me. I can’t get the times we’ve spent together out of my mind. Being with you is enough. Walking, talking, eating, watching T.V., even studying. But being together causes some very, very painful goodbyes. “Precious” is the word describing your letters… and you.

Feb. 20, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’m beginning to realize that you and I are playing with fire as far as our feelings go. Either one of us could get heartbroken, but I’m trying to remain open-minded. And since we’ve signed our relationship over to the Lord, I can’t think he would give either of us any grief too great to gracefully bear. As I’m writing this, I’m feeling something for you that’s very close to love. But oh, the uncertainty of feelings! It frightens me!

hershey-kissFeb. 22, 1969 – Dear Meg. I am savoring your chocolate kiss now. I took it off the package wrapping and saved it until I got home. You’re beautiful and I love you. I am keeping my feelings in check so I won’t get hurt, but I want you to give me an indication if there’s any change in your feelings. And when the time is right, I can then uncheck my feelings.

Feb. 23, 1969 – Dear Nate. Little by little I hope the scariness of all this will dissipate. One thing I really want you to know is that I appreciate you telling me there is no pressure on me to make a decision right now. You are a most kind and considerate man. I am lucky to know you.

rFeb. 25, 1969 – Dear Meg. I wish I could hug you now! And that’s pretty passionate at 10 AM after an hour of Constitutional Law! That soft skin… I think of you through class and at many other times. Here in Champaign, the lid is ready to blow off things. Last night $55,000 worth of card catalogues were burned at the library. But now I have to go and get ready for ROTC drill. I love you. Love, Nate.

“Commit your way to the Lord. Trust in him, and he will act.” (Psalm 37:5)

Young Love (#13)

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Although I still wasn’t sure whether or not I loved Nate and hadn’t signed any of my letters “with love,” I had begun signing his pet name for me, Meg, rather than Margaret. And as I began to look more favorably at him, the other guys I’d been dating started to drop away… except for my church friend. That relationship seemed to be heating up at the same rate as the one with Nate. The only difference was that it was happening in person rather than mostly in letters.

From my journal:

Nate may be “the one.” But I don’t know. I hate to be forced into deciding right now whether or not he’s the one for the future. It seems like it’s boiling down to a decision between Nate and the (church guy). The frustration and confusion I’m experiencing makes me think the decision can’t be made by sensibly stacking facts. They’re both fantastic guys. So I’m just going to continue going out with each of them and see what happens.

illinois-central-railroadI arranged to be with Nate more often, taking the train south to Champaign twice in February. He came north to Chicago for one weekend, paying all the travel bills for both of us. But most of the time, distance separated us, which is when I went on dates with my church friend.

Feb. 6, 1969 – Dear Meg. Every time I bite into a blueberry muffin, I think of you. And a lot of times when I don’t, I think of you. I ran a mile on Sunday, starting to get in shape for summer camp with the Army. I mentioned “camp” the other night at dinner, and one of my men (using his civilian mind) said, “Oh, are you a counselor at a summer camp?” Funny.

Feb. 9, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’m glad you like to talk… in letters, on the telephone, in person. It seems there’s nothing we can’t discuss, and we never seem to run out of things to say. I feel like I can ask you any question or present any problem without fear of being embarrassed or humiliated. And I sense my heart changing when I think about you. I think I’m safe in saying the Lord is behind it.

good-lettersFeb. 12, 1969 – Dear Meg. You wrote me a good letter; gracious and sensible. Neither of us is ready for engagement or marriage; yet our feelings are more intimate than before. We have achieved something: honesty.

heart-of-candies

Feb. 14, 1969 – Dear Nate. I feel like I found a special “closeness” with you this weekend when we were together. I can’t even pinpoint what caused it or the moment it happened. Now when I’m away from you, I have so many items I’d like to hear your opinion about. Little by little, my confusion is being replaced by order. I slept all but 10 minutes on my return trip to Chicago – clutching my luscious pink heart box of chocolate candies! (I’m eating so much chocolate that when you see me I’ll be one big ugly pimple!)

chocolates

Feb. 15, 1969 — Dear Meg. My feelings for you deepen with every passing day. I’ll write you about coming down to see my parents for dinner. I love you, Meg!

“Love always hopes.” (1 Corinthians 13:7)

Young Love (#12)

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As Nate and I continued writing, I decided it would be helpful to visit him in Champaign where he was in law school, hoping to get a better understanding of whether or not to pursue the relationship. A good friend from Chicago had to drive down there to pick up her college brother, so I hitched a ride.

With Nate’s busy schedule, I decided not to warn him I was coming. It was a Thursday. When we got to Champaign and I called him, he couldn’t believe I was nearby. Immediately he dropped what he was doing and we met up, talking for 3 hours before my ride headed back north. According to the letters, it was a productive conversation. A week later, he came to see me in Chicago over his semester break.

From my journal:

Nate came! …directly to my morning kindergarten, and when the kids left, we went out to lunch. He seemed neater than I’d hoped, and I’m attracted to him more than I thought. A week ago, as we were planning this weekend, I told him I wouldn’t be available on Sunday. That’s because I didn’t want to cancel my plans with (the church guy), because he and I were making good progress. Nate didn’t seem offended, though I’m sure he would rather have stayed. But we did spend almost 50 hours together.

memoJan. 27, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’m glad you wanted to visit my kindergartens. I found your “memo” this afternoon. I’m thankful we could be honest with each other over the weekend. Let me express sincere appreciation for your patience with me and my problems. I really mean it. When I mentioned my continuing interest in another boy, you seemed to understand. Not only that, but you accepted it! If the situation had been reversed, I would have walked out on the spot.

Jan. 28, 1969 – Dear Nate. Once again I’m writing from the kindergarten classroom, but this time they’re “reading” library books (upside-down and backwards). The hours of deep discussion you and I have had have been extremely meaningful. I pray I’m doing everything in my power to handle this situation properly. Whoever ends up marrying you will be in for a lot of fantastic years. I’ll be looking forward to your next letter and maybe another visit. I hope I’ll get the letter, since I haven’t put my name on the mailbox yet.

photo-stripFeb. 1, 1969 – Dear Meg. I love you. Time in Chicago is fabulous because of you. Prayer leads us to Christ and He guides our relationship. Let’s remember that. And take good care of yourself. Wear seat belts. Get enough rest. I think of you often. Sometimes I look at the clock and think, what is she doing now?

Feb. 3, 1969 – Dear Nate. Your words to me on the telephone tonight were meaningful. I’m such a fickle person, and I feel sorry for you being on your end of my confusing conversations. Maybe it’s positive that I’m just confused and nothing worse.

“Complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.” (Philippians 2:2)