Although I still wasn’t sure whether or not I loved Nate and hadn’t signed any of my letters “with love,” I had begun signing his pet name for me, Meg, rather than Margaret. And as I began to look more favorably at him, the other guys I’d been dating started to drop away… except for my church friend. That relationship seemed to be heating up at the same rate as the one with Nate. The only difference was that it was happening in person rather than mostly in letters.
From my journal:
Nate may be “the one.” But I don’t know. I hate to be forced into deciding right now whether or not he’s the one for the future. It seems like it’s boiling down to a decision between Nate and the (church guy). The frustration and confusion I’m experiencing makes me think the decision can’t be made by sensibly stacking facts. They’re both fantastic guys. So I’m just going to continue going out with each of them and see what happens.
I arranged to be with Nate more often, taking the train south to Champaign twice in February. He came north to Chicago for one weekend, paying all the travel bills for both of us. But most of the time, distance separated us, which is when I went on dates with my church friend.
Feb. 6, 1969 – Dear Meg. Every time I bite into a blueberry muffin, I think of you. And a lot of times when I don’t, I think of you. I ran a mile on Sunday, starting to get in shape for summer camp with the Army. I mentioned “camp” the other night at dinner, and one of my men (using his civilian mind) said, “Oh, are you a counselor at a summer camp?” Funny.
Feb. 9, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’m glad you like to talk… in letters, on the telephone, in person. It seems there’s nothing we can’t discuss, and we never seem to run out of things to say. I feel like I can ask you any question or present any problem without fear of being embarrassed or humiliated. And I sense my heart changing when I think about you. I think I’m safe in saying the Lord is behind it.
Feb. 12, 1969 – Dear Meg. You wrote me a good letter; gracious and sensible. Neither of us is ready for engagement or marriage; yet our feelings are more intimate than before. We have achieved something: honesty.
Feb. 14, 1969 – Dear Nate. I feel like I found a special “closeness” with you this weekend when we were together. I can’t even pinpoint what caused it or the moment it happened. Now when I’m away from you, I have so many items I’d like to hear your opinion about. Little by little, my confusion is being replaced by order. I slept all but 10 minutes on my return trip to Chicago – clutching my luscious pink heart box of chocolate candies! (I’m eating so much chocolate that when you see me I’ll be one big ugly pimple!)
Feb. 15, 1969 — Dear Meg. My feelings for you deepen with every passing day. I’ll write you about coming down to see my parents for dinner. I love you, Meg!
“Love always hopes.” (1 Corinthians 13:7)