May 14, 1970
Nate was a natural worrier, something new I was learning about my young husband. Although he was a good student, he always doubted his readiness for class participation and exams. I thought of him as one of those people who was “sure” he would fail every test but then would end up getting “A’s”.
My experience had always been to worry about getting a bad grade and then get one. It bothered me that Nate worried so much when most of it was unnecessary.
Worse yet, he was already stressing about a first law job, where it might be, and how grueling the interview process to get it would be. He was also concerned about how his active duty military requirements could possibly fit with his graduation from law school and his first “real” job.
My philosophy had always been to worry only about the thing in front of me and leave the next one alone till it came into view. But I had to admit, that plan often resulted in being unprepared and missing opportunities.
Nevertheless, I wished Nate wouldn’t worry so much. I knew that career issues were big for guys and that Nate wanted to be successful so he could provide for me and whatever family we might have. That part I liked.
Our differences in thinking, however, were probably one of those things married couples couldn’t change about each other. We’d been warned not to try that, and though I would have preferred Nate not worry so much, I knew telling him to stop wouldn’t make any difference.
He was programmed to be concerned for things far down the road, and the truth was, I could benefit from having some of that rub off on me.
I wrote in my journal:
Although I can’t share his worry and anxiety over his future career, I know the need of a male to be successful is great. I love him more for desiring to get so much out of life. And ambition is one of the qualities I admire most in him.
(I also admired his body, telling him he looked like Michelangelo’s sculpture of David.) I wrote:
He’s so neat and strong looking, and looks like the statue of Michelangelo’s “David.” Nate is a beautiful, generous, manner-ful, gracious, tactful person. I’ll love him more with each tomorrow.
And with all that going on, maybe a little worrying wasn’t such a big deal anyway.
“Let God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down.” (Philippians 4:6-7, The Message)