Remembering Our Anniversary

Posted on November 29, 2010 by Margaret

Although Nate and I would have been married 41 years today, I’ve decided to officially stop counting. He isn’t here, and our real number froze just short of 40. Although I enjoyed paging through our wedding photo album today, I’m wearing his wedding band on a chain around my neck, a reminder of his absence. Even so, it wasn’t a difficult day.

To the contrary, it was a day of boundless energy like I haven’t experienced in months. The hours ran out long before my pep, and a lengthy list of chores-in-waiting got done: organizing the basement, doing laundry, baking, washing windows, cleaning house, taking down the screens, writing letters, pruning the house plants and paying the bills. A year ago I would have looked at that list and set it aside with a deep sigh, unable to even get started. And because of the difference between then and now, I know my heart is healing.

One of the reasons for this measurable progress is, I believe, the kindness of friends. Today’s mail had a handful of greeting cards and letters in it, written with love as others remembered our anniversary. Most of them promised prayer for me today. Such thoughtfulness moves me deeply and is probably the reason everything turned out well.

During a call from Linnea this morning, we chatted about wedding anniversaries. The date is important to only two people, unlike birthdays, graduations or promotions. An anniversary is a party-for-two, a small event with great significance. But because Nate is gone, my annual celebration has to stop.

Yesterday I pointed out to Birgitta where her father and I spent our short but delightful honeymoon: at the Drake Hotel in downtown Chicago. Nate was in law school, and I was teaching. Four days was all the time-off we could get, and we made the most of it. Happy honeymoon memories flooded my mind today, and I even caught myself humming.

No marriage is without its rough places, though, and we had our share. The fact that we made it 40 years is a testimony to God’s involvement in the relationship. After all, marriage was his idea, and as a bride and groom recite their vows, he’s there, too. Because he wants couples to succeed, he’s available for counsel and encouragement all along the way and doesn’t have to be asked twice. Nate and I called out for rescue several times in our years together, and God always restored our relationship.

Interestingly, a marriage often becomes stronger after surviving a period of struggle. It’s as if the marriage muscle gets built up through the exercise of hanging-on-no-matter-what. None of us can predict what life will throw at our marriages, but one thing is sure: God is rooting for us through all of it. He’s the third member of every union, and if we invite him to the anniversary celebration, he’ll always be willing to change that party-for-two to a party-for-three.

“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

Help for Beggars

Posted on November 28, 2010 by Margaret

We got an early start today, leaving Michigan well before sunrise. After dropping Nelson at O’Hare, Birgitta, Jack and I set off on a day of adventure, starting with a big Chicago breakfast. We worshiped at Moody Church, then headed for “The Magnificent Mile,” joining in with the shopper’s parade along beautiful Michigan Avenue.

As we walked, we were both disturbed to see beggars on every corner. Some were shaking cups of coins, calling to passers-by, while others barely peeked out from beneath their hoods or behind their signs. We saw men and women, young and old, and all were begging for money.

Literally hundreds of shoppers streamed past, ignoring the beggars and their pleas for help. As Birgitta and I shared a McDonald’s lunch, we tried to answer the many questions prompted by the presence of so many beggars. Were they hungry as their signs said? When did they last eat? Were they homeless? Where did they last sleep? Did they have families? How did they come to this?

As we talked, new questions arose. Would it be an insult to put only coins into their cups? And if we put money in one, shouldn’t we put it in all? Should we carry a roll of bills for this purpose? Would McDonald’s gift cards be better? Or maybe a scarf? A hat? Would a smile without a practical gift seem cavalier?

My dad served on the board of Pacific Garden Mission for several decades, believing in their work with the poor. He used to keep PGM business cards in his pocket for the homeless, telling them if they walked over to the mission, they’d receive a meal, a clean bed and whatever clothing they needed. Were these cards a blessing to the recipient or a disappointment?

After leaving Birgitta at Union Station to travel with hundreds of other students back to Iowa, I drove home to Michigan, bothered by what we’d seen today. I felt guilty for not having given of myself or my money. Although I had cards for “GettingThroughThis” in my pocket, they seemed inadequate for such severe problems.

I decided to pray about these struggling souls, asking God what to think (or do) about them. His answer came quickly: “Take your cue from Jesus. What did he do about beggars?”

When I got home, I checked, and the one thing Jesus always did was help. But he inevitably connected it to faith in himself as God’s Son. He linked his practical gifts (such as healing) to the Gospel’s truth.

I thought back to Dad’s method of helping beggars, giving them the PGM cards. Because the mission offered worship services and presented the Gospel before meals, he had it right. His card was a ticket to both practical help and the truth of Jesus’ eternal healing.

So, what should Birgitta and I have done today? Gifts of money, hamburgers or hats would have been OK but incomplete. If we’re to follow Jesus’ example, a PGM card, a GettingThroughThis.com card or another piece of Scripture coupled with money, hamburgers or hats would have been much better.

Tangible gifts do help, but only temporarily. The powerful help of the Gospel goes on forever.

“Though [Jesus Christ] was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you by his poverty might become rich.” (2 Corinthians 8:9b)

Making Preparations

Posted on November 28, 2010 by Margaret

Today is the Saturday after Thanksgiving, the day after Black Friday, and much of the country has begun its enthusiastic preparation for Christmas. For many years that was true for our family, too. We kept our 22 boxes of decorations under the stairs in a “secret” closet in which no adult could straighten up. It dictated assembly-line emptying of the decorations, smallest people farthest in.

Every family relishes the fun of opening their boxes again and pulling out Christmas items that mean something special only to them. It’s like participating in a private holiday festival, half silly and half magical.

Nate was never big on setting out decorations or stringing lights. His enthusiasm was strongest for choosing the tree, sawing off the stump and getting it upright. He usually finished by wiring the trunk to the window behind it, hoping it wouldn’t “go overboard again this year.”

The rest of the family lost interest long before the tree was completely trimmed, but that never dimmed my holiday spirit. After they’d all been bathed and bedded down, and after Nate had settled into his nightly “bathtub hydrotherapy” with a good book, I’d head back to the boxes and put on my middle-aged-mom-music, decorating well into the night.

Today Birgitta and I did some shopping and enjoyed seeing newly purchased Christmas trees tied to the tops of cars heading home for the decorating ritual. Their ordinary evergreen would soon be transformed into a lighted, sparkling wonder, the focal point of their home for a month.

As we arrived home, our next door neighbors had finished decorating their pretty picket fence with garlands and lights, and in the twilight it was a welcoming sight. Last Christmas, seven weeks after Nate died, none of us were feeling merry. We did have a tiny, lopsided excuse-for-a-tree, but most of us were just hoping to “get Christmas over with.”

This Christmas will be different. Our “new family” will be together, which means we’ll be minus Nate but plus Micah, Evelyn and Thomas. Little children can serve as God’s instruments of joy, coaxing us to surrender to laughter and good cheer. Just imagining their expressions of glee at the ornaments and lights will make the decorating fun, even if I do it alone.

But while eagerly pulling out the boxes marked “Christmas”, I have to ask if I’m equally energized to ponder the magnificent coming of Christ. Have I lived through so many Christmases my subconscious tells me I know everything there is to know?

Jesus Christ, the Messiah of Christmas, has more depth to him than any of us can possibly comprehend. His interest in saving us, his unique way of accomplishing it and the love he expressed by becoming human are mind-boggling concepts we’ll think about throughout eternity.

As I decorate the house and yard, I’ve asked the Lord to show me something brand new about himself during this season.