Asking God

Posted on December 17, 2013 by Margaret

In recent years many of us have learned to ask questions in a new way. It goes something like this: “Would you like such-and-such, or no?” We don’t simply say, “Would you like such-and-such?” We add “…or no” to force the questionee to come forth with a neat and tidy answer. Subconsciously we want them to commit to yes or no, because the in-betweens can get complicated.

I’m ashamed to say sometimes I do the same thing to God. “Lord, do you want me to do this certain thing, or no?” I want a clear-cut response, because I don’t do well with “maybe” or “wait a while” or “we’ll see.”

The other day I received an email from our oldest son, Nelson, who is currently making his way from Russia’s Siberia to our home in Michigan. In the email he described an important decision he needed to make and as always, was asking God what to do. To quote Nelson:

So my prayer was, “Is it this or is it that?” And the answer was, “Neither.”

And therein lies the trouble with giving God an “either-or” choice. Because none of us know what’s about to happen, the best we can do is guess at a couple of possibilities. Asking God to make it “this-or-that” is like asking a child to draw a rainbow with black and white crayons.

God’s answers to prayer come in all colors, and he won’t be boxed in by our desire for black-and-white answers. Maybe the best way to ask for his opinion is with open-ended questions:

What should I do about this dilemma, Lord?
How do you want me to view these unexpected circumstances?
Which of your promises should I cling to during this crisis?

Answers structured by God will always outshine those we put to him requesting “this-or-that.” Nelson’s comment about God answering him with “neither” turned out to be the beginning of an important conversation between the two of them that produced a deeper faith-walk in Nelson. Had God answered with one of the choices of his “this-or-that” prayer, the whole faith-strengthening conversation that was initiated with God’s “neither” would not have occurred.

Praying open-ended-ly teaches us to separate from our own limited ideas and encourages us to risk trusting the One who has the best answers to all our question marks. This means we have to approach him without suggesting how he should solve our problems.

As part of that process, he might come back at us with a few questions of his own, questions that will direct us to his answers of our original questions.

Our God is the God of the unexpected. Or, to put it more positively, the God of surprises. And if we insist his answers be “this-or-that,” we may not get any answers at all.

“Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good; haste makes mistakes.” (Proverbs 19:2)

Frozen Solid

Posted on December 16, 2013 by Margaret

Last weekend we reached the middle of December, and in southwest Michigan we’ve had 3 snowstorms with colder-than-usual temps. It’s the kind of weather that makes us start the car 10 minutes ahead of departure to let it warm up.

At the beach, ice-dunes have begun to build, and the creek has morphed into a skating pond. None of us were ready for winter’s fast arrival, and we hadn’t even brought home all of our beach chairs yet.

Yesterday, while waiting at the bank drive-through, I saw a perfect picture of winter’s speedy onset. A gutter drain had frozen solid right in the middle of emptying itself.

Sometimes “cold experiences” come to us just as fast and unexpectedly. We might get the cold shoulder from someone we were close to, unable to figure out how we got in the relationship deep-freeze. We don’t know what to do next and feel blocked from reconciling, frozen in our tracks, so to speak.

“The relationship has gone cold,” we say, as we experience icy rejection.

Sunday morning at church a friend in her 80’s was describing how she struggles with the cold, especially with ice beneath her unsteady feet. Suddenly she straightened herself and said, “Well, spring can’t be far behind.” Chuckling, she walked away, leaving me with a furrowed brow.

“That’s crazy talk,” I thought. “It’s not even officially winter yet!”

What she meant, though, was that in the midst of the freezing-cold weather, she knew for sure her future was going to include warmth and ice-free walking.

The same can apply to our cold relationships. Though circumstances seem frozen and we think they’ll never thaw, God has a few suggestions for warming things up. He says, “First of all, pull Me into the mix. Just as I insist every harsh winter eventually give way to spring, I know how to thaw cold relationships and can teach you how.”

He doesn’t say it’s easy, but here are 10 of his surefire ways to melt icy situations and bring relationship-springs:

Talk in a soft voice. (Proverbs 15:1)
Speak evil of no one. (Titus 3:2)
Never avenge yourselves, but leave that to God. (Romans 12:19)
Never be irritable or resentful. (1 Corinthians 13:5)
With a tender heart, forgive each other. (Ephesians 4:32)
Show perfect courtesy toward all people. (Titus 3:2)
Never be arrogant or rude. (1 Corinthians 13:4-5)
Be open to reason, impartial and sincere. (James 3:17)
Never repay evil for evil. (Romans 12:17)
Don’t insist on your own way. (1 Corinthians 13:5)

If we follow these biblical guidelines, even those relationships that are frozen solid will experience a warming trend soon.

”Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, ‘children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.’ Then you will shine…. like stars in the sky.” (Philippians 2:14-15)

To the Extreme

Posted on December 15, 2013 by Margaret

The latest TV craze is focused on the word “extreme”: Extreme Sports, Extreme Makeover, Extreme Weight Loss, Extreme Cheapskates, Extreme Games, Extreme Chef, and so on. The word “extreme” implies intensity, excess, even severity. People are no longer happy just watching “normal” or “regular.” Abnormal is better, even if it means people might be harmed or humiliated.

This new trend, however, has nothing on young children. They’ve always done everything to the extreme.

Take Emerald, for example. Pulling one tissue out of the box isn’t enough. She wants them all, and not just to set them aside, but to crumple them. And toilet paper? If rolling out a little is fun, doing the whole roll is even better.

But children aren’t the only ones. We adults often forsake the middle ground for the extremes, too. As a first year elementary school teacher in Chicago, I remember giving up healthy lunches to eat cookies instead. They partnered well with coffee and satisfied my sweet tooth. But 2 or 3 didn’t satisfy, so I usually ate half a bagful and saw nothing wrong with that. Surely that was extreme.

It’s probable that once we’re settled in at one extreme or the other, we can get comfortable there, which is the reason our culture needs so many Twelve Step programs. We become so used to living in max-mode that we need help learning how to do it a different way.

So, what is God’s point of view on all this? Is he against living in the extremes?

No. He actually wants an extreme commitment from us, a commitment to worship him, bow down to him, humble ourselves before him, forsake all other gods in favor of him. Since this sounds like too much of a good thing, something we could never accomplish, he gave us a model: his Son Jesus.

When Jesus was asked what motivated him to do the things he did, he said, “The Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does, the Son also does.” (John 5:19) Now that’s extreme. And though we can’t do it to perfection like he did (especially the part about never sinning), if we pursue extreme devotion to him, the result will be a more upright life along with lots of inner peace.

And getting back to the way children often take things too far, there is an up side. When it comes to Christmas time, little ones oooh and aaah over every decoration and string of lights. Their mouths drop open and their extreme pleasure comes out in gasps or squeals.