Monthly Archives: January 2013

Feeling the Sorry

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A visit to the dentist is never first choice of how to spend an afternoon, but once in a while we all end up there. Today was a good-news-bad-news dental day for me.

KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERA

My newest crown, just over a year old, has been sitting on a tooth that had been root-canaled less than 2 years before. Recently it had started to wiggle, so rather than take my usual irresponsible approach to the dental chair, I made a preventative appointment to investigate. (Normally I’d have waited for that sticky-food moment when the crown would have come off on its own.)

My new Michigan dentist, Dr. Matt, is a pro. He’s worked wonders for my various tooth challenges since I began seeing him a year ago and gets no blame for my wiggly crown. But after removing it today and studying the situation, he delivered his good-news-bad-news speech. Actually it was more like bad-bad-good-news.

Bad #1: the bit of tooth left under the crown was crumbling. Bad #2: the remaining root needed to be pulled a.s.a.p. The good news: I’d never miss it.

Dr. Matt was right about all that. As he went after the root, it came out in 6 pieces, a testimony to its precarious condition. And when it was all over an hour later, he tilted his head to one side, looked me in the eye and said, “I’m sorry it turned out this way.”

Lots of situations fall under the heading, “SORRY-IT-TURNED-OUT-THIS-WAY.” Parents say it to children, wives say it to husbands, husbands to wives, and friends to friends. And it’s interesting how hearing those words mitigates our disappointment or sadness, at least a little. Although Dr. Matt couldn’t prevent me from losing my molar, his “I’m sorry” (and the commiserating it implied) helped.

It’s been said that the two most powerful words in the English language are “I’m sorry.” But it’s intriguing that if we say those words to ourselves (as in, “I’m feeling sorry for myself”), the effect is just the opposite. It not only doesn’t help, it seems to coax us deeper into distress.

This afternoon while nursing a sore jaw, I thought of how God’s plan for the New Heaven and New Earth will not include the powerful words, “I’m sorry.” They’ll no longer have any power, because they won’t be needed; no one will do (or forget to do) anything necessitating them. Every motivation will be pure, and the genuine desire of each person will be to please someone else.

But what about the empathetic “I’m sorry’s” like I received today? They won’t be needed either, since nothing negative is going to happen to anyone in our new world. And thankfully, that includes tooth extractions.

Tooth

It all sounds heavenly.

“In this all-out match against sin, others have suffered far worse than you, to say nothing of what Jesus went through…. So don’t feel sorry for yourselves.” (Hebrews 12:4-5)

Full Hands

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OpenThis morning the pastor preached about being generous with our time, both to God and others. Before he began with prayer, he asked if we’d all put our hands out in front of us, palms up, as an outward sign of inner readiness to receive from God. Though I’d never done that before, today I did, mostly because I wanted to be on the receiving end from him.

God didn’t waste any time in making his deposit. After the pastor’s “amen,” I glanced to my right where I saw Birgitta’s hands still upturned. Resting in them was the sweet head of her little Emerald looking up at her, and that’s when God made his deposit. “See those hands?” he said to me. “Birgitta didn’t have to ask me to fill them this morning. They’re full with Emerald.”

Hands full of Emerald

I thought of the freeing nature of Birgitta’s not having to wonder what to do with her time. Her God-given assignment was literally in her hands. Sure, she’s added university classes and other things, but Emerald is God’s #1 for her. And he’s willing, even eager, to give each of us a #1.

So how do we know when our hands are already full with his choice or if it’s time to turn palms up for a new deposit?

I remember a day one year ago, before I learned Birgitta was pregnant. I’d finished a busy period writing Hope for an Aching Heart and had a little time on my hands for the first time since before Nate died. Then one afternoon I found myself rifling through a basement bin of old videos.

Finding a boxed season of “Little House on the Prairie,” I took it upstairs, got something to eat, and put on the first show. When it finished, I clicked into a 2nd, and when I realized I’d been sitting there nearly 2 hours already and was contemplating watching a 3rd, I couldn’t believe it.

The next morning I asked God how he wanted me to use my new-found time, knowing his answer wouldn’t be, “Watch videos.” This was a moment when open hands, palms up, would have been a good idea. His prior #1 had been completed, and he was about to give me a new assignment. I didn’t know it then, but soon I’d be helping Birgitta and Emerald. Coupled with that, he was also going to give me a new book to write.

And so today in church, God did deposit a message into my open palms. It was this: “I’ve already filled your hands for now. When it’s time for a refill, I’ll let you know.”

Little House DVDs

(And he’ll probably do it when I’m back in the basement, rifling through a bin of videos.)

“It is not for you to know times or seasons that the Father has fixed by his own authority.” (Acts 1:7)

Promoting Peace

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Future Best MenIn the ranks of our 7 children, Klaus and Hans (#4, #5) are the closest in age at 16 months apart. While pregnant with Hans I worried how I’d deal with a newborn while still caring for a one-year-old, but somehow it got done, and after those first few difficult months, it was a joy to watch these boys build a strong friendship that’s lasted 3 decades.

When Hans got married, Klaus was his best man. This summer when Klaus gets married, Hans will be his best man. As their mom, I’m blessed to watch them relate not only as brothers but also as friends, which is true for any mother observing closeness between her children.

Best Men

But it doesn’t always turn out this way, and when it doesn’t, a mom can’t force it. When children are young, we can promote harmony telling them to say, “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you,” hoping eventually they’ll understand the importance of those words. In the end, though, sibling friendship is up to siblings.

I wonder if God views the earthly friendships of his children as moms do. After all, once we become Christians, we’re all siblings in his family, and whether or not we get along is really up to us.

I love his realistic emphasis in Romans 12:18. “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Although God is completely divine, he comes wonderfully down-to-earth with these instructive words. He lets us know that he knows it’s difficult (and sometimes not even possible) to live at peace with siblings or others. But what he tells us to do, we can do, which is to promote peace whenever it depends solely on us.

We can’t force peace if the other half of the relationship doesn’t want it, but we can be flawless with our half. And we don’t have to wonder what that looks like, because God gets us started with 20 useful ideas:

  • Love honestly.
  • Hate evil.
  • Promote the excellent.
  • Let others get the glory.
  • Serve God with enthusiasm.
  • Demonstrate joy.
  • Have hope.
  • Navigate troubles patiently.
  • Pray daily.
  • Give to the needy.
  • Invite people over.
  • Show kindness to the unkind.
  • Get excited over another’s happiness.
  • Be sad with a mourner.
  • Promote harmony at home.
  • Don’t rank people.
  • Practice humility.
  • Never try to even-the-score.
  • Make righteous choices.
  • Remind yourself God is always working.

In practicing these, even some of them, we’ll steadily chip away at the Lord’s instructions to live at peace “when it depends on us.” And to the extent we make that effort, he’ll skillfully cause all sorts of unexpected things to happen behind the scenes until (surprise!) fractious relationships begin to evidence peace…

…sometimes even when we thought it wasn’t possible.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18)