Category Archives: Thankfulness

Out from under Regret

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Virtually every widow struggles with regret. She’s haunted by the many ways she could have been a better wife and thinks, “I should have… I wish… If only…”

When I think of my own marriage, one thing Nate modeled exceptionally well was his consistency in thanking me. There were other things in his life he struggled to be grateful for, but I wasn’t one of them. If I filled his drawer with clean underwear, he’d find me and let me know how much he appreciated it. If I brought his dry cleaning home, he’d thank me for taking such good care of him. And though I made simple dinners, he never ate one of them without voicing gratitude.

Some wives might have found this over-the-top, but it always felt good to me. My regret is not having done the same for him. I should have daily thanked him for battling it out at work. I could have mentioned his kindness each time he filled my car with gas or willingly picked up our children at odd hours.

Interestingly, I often had thankful thoughts toward Nate but over and over failed to transform those into audible words. In each case, then, the only one benefitting was me.

All of us can recall situations in which we liked what people did, what they said, or what they looked like, but didn’t deliver the compliment or word of appreciation. We thought it, but didn’t speak it out.

The biblical book of James says our tongues can be used for good or evil, to soothe or irritate. There’s a No Man’s Land in the middle, though, that he doesn’t mention, words in our heads that have the power to bless others but never make it to our tongues.

But we’re not left without instruction on this. God sees our wordless thoughts and says, “I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve.” (Jeremiah 17:10)

He’s saying, “I’m looking for those affirmative thoughts you have toward others and will bless you if you voice them. When you speak goodness over someone else, I classify that as a deed worthy of reward. If you hold it in, you not only haven’t blessed others, you’ve also forfeited a blessing for yourself.”

Since I’ve repeatedly fallen short on this, my response to God’s statement is to admit failure and ask for help. Hopefully he’ll pluck thankful words from my brain and set them on my tongue, moving in with his supernatural controls. Because he is able when I am not, I know it can be done.

And while I’m trying to remember to say good things to others, I can practice by verbalizing words of praise to God.

“All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue.” (James 3:7,8)

Thanksgiving Living

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Last Thanksgiving we did what many American families do as they sit down to their annual feast. We went around the table, and each person gave a sentence of thanks for something or someone important to them. But we put a caveat on it: “You can’t make a generic statement that you’re thankful for faith or family, because we’re all thankful for those.”

That made it more interesting.

Reasons for thankfulness were imaginative and meaningful. One of Mary’s twin granddaughters, almost 9, said, “I’m thankful for all the former presidents of our country that were Christians.” Priceless. Speakers revealed something about themselves as well as the person they mentioned. All 28 guests participated, and we plan to repeat the exercise this year.

Some people find it easy to have a steady attitude of gratitude as they pace through life. Others find it more difficult and have to work at doing so. Whether it comes naturally or is forced, we all benefit from words of thanks.

Why is it that so many of us think complaining will make us feel better, when God has set up our internal barometers to work just the opposite? Maybe it’s because complaining is easier. It’s interesting that voicing thanks rather than being negative not only encourages listeners but lifts our own spirits, too. Knowing that, we ought to do much more of it.

All of us gravitate toward people who are grateful. They’re a pleasure to be around, and we find that hanging with them draws out the best in us, too. It’s been said, “Gratitude is a vaccine, an antitoxin, and an antiseptic.” Although that isn’t in Scripture, it could easily fit into Proverbs.

God, the great Bestower of endless blessings, has instructed us to be enthusiastically thankful, and not just when we feel like it. He knows how life’s troubles can dampen our gratitude, but he insists we’re to be thankful anyway. He spells it out in 1 Thessalonians 5:18. “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

Really? Even when accidents occur? Or cancer invades a family? Or death takes a loved one?

Yes.

In all circumstances, even those we don’t understand at the time. And if nothing around us seems thank-worthy, we can thank God for himself, because he is always thank-worthy.

“Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.” (Psalm 100:4-5)

 

Happy Healing

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I became a widow at 64, and in the 22 months since then, it seems there have been endless new beginnings. It’s likely the first 64 years held more firsts than the last 2, but during early widowhood, everything seems problematically new.

Last week I got my first flu shot. I hadn’t planned on it, but the pharmacist was available, no one was waiting, and he advised me to take advantage of the protection. It was one more “new thing” without Nate. Had he been with me, we would have been doing it together.

As I left the pharmacy, I thought about the many vaccinations available these days, beginning with 6 week old babies. My children got more injections than I ever did, but as a result they didn’t have to suffer through mumps and several kinds of measles like my generation did. They also escaped more serious health issues like diphtheria, whooping cough, and polio. My grandchildren won’t even have to experience chicken pox.

These days adults can be vaccinated against pneumonia, shingles, hepatitis and the human papilloma virus. And I’m sure scientists are on the hunt for vaccines to prevent every ailment known to man. Too bad laboratories can’t come up with a hypodermic fix for the emotional ills of life. That’s almost certainly what the drug epidemic is about, an effort to inoculate against painful feelings.

Many of us would choose a bout with mumps or measles rather than suffer the sting of battered emotions. In taking a small survey of which psychological troubles people want most to be vaccinated against, fear was #1, because fear can precede all of the others: fear of heartbreak, fear of rejection, accidents, failure, sadness and many more. Fearing the unknown can be a disease, too,  assuming negative possibilities over positive. We’re all good at that.

Widowhood and fear go hand-in-hand, evidenced by our quick participation in the what-if game. What if I run out of money? What if I can’t get a job? What if I collapse and no one knows about it? What if there’s a break-in? No vaccination exists that can immunize us from these mental barbs, but we actually do have a remedy.

It’s a Someone.

God is the ultimate vaccinator. He can cure physical diseases when he so desires and also heal emotional malfunctions. With a thorough knowledge of our bodies, especially our minds, he’s a champion of understanding. His Rx is his Word, source of supernatural provision and endurance through everything that ails us. Scripture also includes prevention for much of it.

Just before I got my flu shot, the pharmacist handed me a pile of papers entitled, “What you need to know about the influenza vaccine, 2011-12.” Forewarned is forearmed. And in the case of emotional health, forearming ourselves with the instruction of the Word of God is the best prevention of all.

“For you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its rays.” (Malachi 4:2a)