Category Archives: Parenting

The Price of Commitment

Posted on by

Sundays aren’t as upsetting as they used to be. Watching a husband put his arm around his wife or share a hymnal doesn’t bring tears like it did a year ago, and last Sunday I even felt sincere delight watching the senior couple directly in front of me. As the congregation sang a rousing hymn, they not only shared the hymnal, they shared something else.

The husband, as he sang, occasionally glanced at his wife’s face. Every so often she looked up at him, and they shared a knowing smile. Part of the hymn they sang from memory, to each other, face-to-face. Once he leaned over and whispered something in her ear. As he did, she leaned toward him slightly, just enough to communicate acceptance and love.

On the hymn’s 3rd verse, these two 70-somethings standing side-by-side, began slowly swaying together, left and right, to the hymn’s cadence. It was so subtle an observer glancing at the congregation wouldn’t have noticed, but since they were right in front of me, I did. And it was charming.

Two things popped into my head: (1) gratitude that I wasn’t crying while witnessing this marital harmony, and (2) when one of them dies, the other will suffer. But that’s the natural consequence of a good marriage. When the time comes, even though tears will flow, the one left behind won’t wish away the years they had together to spare the pain of separation when it ends.

Most of life’s valuable commitments put us at risk for sadness, even sharp, agonizing pain: a happy marriage faces eventual widowhood and loneliness; parenthood brings incredible joy but also the misery of saying goodbye … over and over again; even taking on a family pet includes knowing we’ll one day have to bury it. Our world is full of opportunities to commit, each one involving a sacrifice, a risk, or both.

All except one.

The most important commitment any of us can ever make includes no price to pay at the end of it, and that’s our commitment to Christ. The risk and sacrifice for the greatest treasure on earth was all made by him, not us. Why he would ever agree to do what he did in order to get us is beyond figuring out. With all our imperfections and sins, we know we’re not worth the sacrifice he had to make, but apparently he thought we were. Mindboggling.

Unlike at the end of our human commitments, most of which finish with a goodbye, the final result of a commitment to Christ is an eternal hello and a life so unique and fresh we don’t now have the ability to picture it. The commitments of this world all come to an end, but signing on with Jesus is a forever partnership.

This morning, back in church, I scanned the congregation for the loving couple I’d seen the week before, but they weren’t there. When I asked, I learned they’d gone on a long trip to Europe. A second honeymoon? No, just making the most of an ongoing commitment to one another.

“At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now! The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” (2 Corinthians 5:16-17)

Comfort Zone

Posted on by

Everybody needs comforting now and then. I think back to each of my children and remember how they consoled themselves with pacifiers, or a thumb, a special blanket, a stuffed animal.

Hans attached himself to a pale blue flannel blanket edged in satin, the perfect wrap for a fall baby. When he outgrew the need, I packed it away, a little worse for wear but still a serviceable blanket.

Then, in the blink of an eye, Hans was a daddy with his own comfort-seeking little ones. I passed along the blanket, and in my recent visit to England, got to see what happened to it. Two year old Thomas has bonded with it and lovingly named it MipMip.

The satin is long gone, and he’s literally loved it to pieces. (Think shreds.)

When Katy realized it was gradually disappearing, she took the larger part of it to her mum for creative reinforcement. Sarah used pieces of an old blue nightie to strengthen MipMip, cutting the last of it in two chunks, one to comfort and one to wash.

Whenever Thomas needs soothing, he calls for MipMip. At bedtime, it’s MipMip he cuddles. If life gets unfair, MipMip is the solution. He’s consistent in his devotion and trusts in his chosen comforter.

If only grown-up tensions could be as easily assuaged. Interestingly, though, when we call on God to comfort us, he always knows exactly how to deliver what we need. Maybe that’s why the Bible is such a big book, inviting us to thumb through its many pages to find relief there.

One of its most familiar passages, Psalm 23, describes a strange kind of comfort: “Your rod [Father], and your staff, they comfort me.” (v. 4) How can a rod and staff bring comfort? In other places in Scripture, a “rod” represents discipline: “Spare the rod and spoil the child.” But can discipline comfort?

I remember a “Little House” episode in which one of the young boys lied and cheated in school, secretly suffering emotionally afterwards. When he was finally exposed, his father said he’d have to punish him “with the strap” (i.e. rod). The boy said, “That’s ok. It’ll make me feel better.” We get that. Paying a proper price sets things right.

But what about a staff? A shepherd uses the crook at the end of it to pull wayward sheep back to him, just as God sometimes abruptly tugs us the same way. Being pulled that way doesn’t always feel good, but to be reunited with him brings comfort.

So, comfort comes in many forms, and of course Thomas’ MipMip is one of them. It’s important to note that if the larger chunks of his blanket can’t be located, one of the tiny shreds works almost as well. Thankfully, though, the Lord never skimps on comfort. He gives it in abundance:

“As we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.” (2 Corinthians 1:5)

I want to know you.

Posted on by

It’s been a great pleasure this week to catch up with my 3 British grandchildren and see the progress they’ve made since I last saw them 7 months ago. Three year old Nicholas is closing in on 4, and the twins, Thomas and Evelyn, have grown to 2½. Vocabulary has increased dramatically for all of them, and Evelyn in particular can chat up an adult till the adult runs out of words.

Raising children is a steady source of God-reminders to parents and grandparents as we get to know each youngster in detail. They’ve all been God-wired with their own opinions and have entered the world with specific likes and dislikes. Looking at a freshly-born 8 pound lump of helpless humanity, that’s difficult to believe.

But wise parents will make a steady project of studying their children, learning their natural leanings and then offering them repeated opportunities to try them out. But do we ever stop learning new things about our offspring, even into their adulthood?

Last weekend I discovered something new about my 29 year-old fifth-born, Hans: he can preach. He did an excellent job delivering a sermon  from an assigned text and made 3 points, each one easy to remember: (1) Believe Jesus, not you; (2) Believe Jesus, not the world; (3) Believe Jesus, not Satan. He pulled new insights from the scriptural story of “The Rich Young Ruler,” coaxing listeners toward the heart of Jesus and sharing from his own heart, too.

Hans isn’t a preacher. He’s never had aspirations to be a reverend but was asked to give this Sunday morning sermon and agreed. I know he was blessed during his extensive preparation, and as his mother (and one of his hearers), I was moved.

When I was growing up, Mom used to quote a short Bible verse from the book of 3 John: “I have no greater joy than to know that my children walk in truth.” (1:4) Since she believed Jesus was truth, she wanted to steadily let us know her greatest desire was that we’d all choose to follow him through life. Listening to my grown son explain how to do this and why it’s the only good life-choice caused my heart to pound with joy.

We parents love to see our children “turn out” well. We’re especially proud when they make sensible choices, perform admirably, win awards, or earn degrees. But when they elevate Jesus Christ to first place in their lives, nothing could get better than that.

“I, [wisdom], love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me. My fruit is better than gold, even fine gold, and my yield than choice silver.  I walk in the way of righteousness.” (Proverbs 8:17-20)