Category Archives: Friendship

Young Love (#17)

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happyAlthough I was trying my best to get my old boyfriend out of my thoughts, his occasional re-appearance made it impossible. I found myself sinking back into the relationship, hoping he’d call, wondering if we could be “good buddies” without a romantic involvement. In my head I knew this wasn’t possible, but the heart wants what the heart wants.

Nate continued to be steady, faithful, loving, and optimistic. The letters came more often, sometimes 3 a day. I responded almost daily and was grateful he hadn’t given up on me.

As for my church guy-friend, we were becoming closer with each passing week, but this began to bother him. He hadn’t planned on falling in love at this point in his life as he pursued his goal of becoming a foreign missionary. I also began to have doubts, wondering if I could be the wife he would need, and we agreed it might be a good idea to slow everything down. We kept going out, but put a ban on anything physical.

happyMar. 7, 1969 – Dear Meg. Don’t ever feel bad for me. I know I want you and will wait and will bear the pain or pleasure of your decision. There is no pressure on you for anything approaching an immediate decision. I want you only if you want me. I love you…smooch. I loved being with you. You’re a magnificent, blue-eyed beauty. And I promise to let you know about the military ball, and the date with my parents. I must get back to my law books. I love you. Love, Nate

Mar. 7, 1969 – Dear Nate. You are a truly upright and honest man. More than ever I am glad we were introduced to each other. And the longer I know you, the more valuable I consider our relationship. I, as yet, cannot define what we have; but each time we spend time together as we did this past weekend, I figure out a bit more.

Mar. 7, 1969 – Dear Nate. I realize that if I reject your request for marriage, I would never have the right to re-ask you back if I changed my mind. It would be too late. On the other hand, if I accept your offer of marriage, it would be almost impossible for me to reverse that decision. But when I spend time with you like we just did, so many things stand out: the way you talked respectfully to that pushy salesman; your being responsible by staying overnight in your dorm (with your men); your responsiveness to my questions, even the trivial ones; your creativeness in suggestions of things for us to do in Champaign, and many more.

allerton-parkMar. 8, 1969 – Dear Meg. Daydreaming in class is nothing new for me, but now it’s always of you. I really cherish our latest weekend together. This spring we should have a picnic at Allerton Park [mansion and grounds outside of Champaign, at right]. Food and love! Ah, what a combination. We had a nasty pistol whipping here Saturday night. One guy attacked two others with a gun and knife. Don’t worry.

Mar. 8, 1969 – Dear Meg. Your letter was superb! I read it three times. Under the aegis of the Lord, our relationship grows. Walking by faith in the unseen is important. Meg, I love you. I will be patient in courting and counseling the woman I want to marry. I grieve that your confusion hurts you, but it is in the Lord’s life-plan for you. If crying helps, cry a little… but you have all the time in the world. I could hug and kiss you forever, with time out for breathing.

“Encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them.” (1 Thessalonians 5:14)

Young Love (#16)

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As our letters continued, I could read between the lines that Nate’s frustration over my non-commitment was mounting. But that, I decided, was not a reason to commit. And right then, out of nowhere, my old boyfriend called again.

He asked if he could come to see my apartment, which triggered the old familiar mental swirl. I knew I needed to end all contact with him since part of me was still attached, but the temptation was too great – and I invited him to come ahead.

In my next letter, my great respect for Nate persuaded me to tell him about what had happened. In a way I hoped he would provide some idea to help me sever all contact with this boyfriend, since apparently I couldn’t do it on my own. Though my mental fog was pretty thick, the one thing I did know was that I could lose Nate over my poor decisions to continue contact with a former flame.

I hoped Nate would respond to my honest confession with loving strength. The one positive result of more time with the boyfriend was that the Lord was steadily reinforcing that we were truly mismatched. But logic doesn’t always trump chemistry.

downtownMar. 2, 1969 – Dear Nate. (My old boyfriend) called me on Monday and then came for a visit yesterday. He wanted to see the apartment. We went downtown to hear a blues band on Rush St, and they were excellent. But we’re not attached to each other in any significant sense. Talking to him for all those hours last night turned out to be wonderful therapy for my feelings. I have no desire to be back with him. I think the Lord has changed my heart.

Mar. 4, 1969 – Dear Meg. You’re fabulous! Please come Friday! Oh, I’d love to see you, hug you, pray with you! I really believe in the efficacy of prayer, and I pray for us and others every day. I miss you very, very much! Honestly, I know I am in love with you.

enthusiasmMar. 5, 1969 – Dear Meg. I’ll see you before you read this, and I await you anxiously. I want to be with you and really need you as a partner in my life. I’m glad you and (your old boyfriend) are still friends, and that you think you made the right decision. Whether this means you moving down here to teach, or getting married, or backing completely out of any commitment and breaking off from me, I don’t know. You’re completely free to decide and have all the time in the world you want. I love you. Love, Nate

Mar. 6, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’m very sorry about not writing to you sooner than I did, but I raced to the mailbox in late afternoon hoping my letter would arrive to you the next afternoon. So let’s blame the pony express for my seeming silence. I feel especially bad, since you are so faithful and consistent in your letters to me.

March 6, 1969 – Dear Nate. Sometimes I feel as if I’m not responding as I should to you and really and truly wonder how you could continue to love me… and I’m not fishing for compliments. But I tell myself, “Don’t force anything.” But you are a delight to communicate with. Or, I should say, our communication is delightful to me.

“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” (Romans 12:12)

Young Love (#15)

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As February moved into March, the letters increased and often passed each other as they traveled south and north. Sometimes two would arrive on the same day. Nate’s longing to have a reciprocated love relationship was evident, but I couldn’t bring myself to commit. My church friend was saying some lovely things to me, too – “I really enjoy being with you and would love to spend more time together.”

From the journal:

I’m a little shaken when I think about the insecurity of my romantic situation. There is still (my church friend) who I’m not dismissing as a possibility for a deeper relationship in the future. Then there is the gung-ho Nate Nyman who is sure he wants to marry me. I think I’m growing to love him back, but the thought of marriage scares me silly!

Feb. 25, 1969 – Dear Nate. It’s 10:00 PM, and I’ve just returned from a shopping spree to have dinner at long last. And boy oh boy, does it taste good… a liver sausage sandwich with lettuce, hot tea, and jello for dessert (and about 6 peanut butter cookies thrown in on the sly).

liver-sausage

Feb. 26, 1969 – Dear Nate. Since January when I moved into the apartment, I’ve gained 5 pounds. I feel fat. I need to concentrate and lose those pounds. I’ve always had an inferiority complex about my weight, especially about the chubby cheeks that dominate my face. My roommate was a huge help to me tonight as we talked about it. When I moved in here, I found a true friend.

Feb. 28, 1969 – Dear Meg. I think of you when I try to read law. I remember your softness and gentleness, and the good warm feeling I get holding you. I want to set that weekend dinner with my parents soon. I need to be with you.

gung-ho-nateFeb. 28, 1969 – Dear Nate. It’s very important to me that my family and friends get more familiar with you. I haven’t decided if that’s an immature characteristic or not. If you think it isn’t, let me know. If you think it’s immature, don’t tell me. (Just joshing.) Please counsel me and guide me in all such matters, as you feel led. If we ever got married, you’d have to counsel me endlessly – not a very bright prospect for you.

Mar. 1, 1969 – Dear Meg. I’m going to wear that fabulous knit tie to church on Sunday. Thank you again! Campus is a stick of dynamite. I fully expect fires, sniping, and the National Guard. Again last night I prayed for us. I love you, Meg.

Mar. 1, 1969 – Dear Nate. You’ll never realize how much I value your letters, including the time you put into writing and mailing them. My large kindergarten class has to perform in an all-school assembly, and guess who has been pressed into playing the piano? We’ve been spending lots of time in the assembly hall practicing. But they’re all adorable, no matter how they perform.

textbooksMar. 2, 1969 – Dear Meg. My law courses this semester are: Evidence, Corporations, Administrative Law, Commercial Law, and Constitutional Law. But it can all be very boring. I love you.

Mar. 3, 1969 – Dear Meg. You have studiously avoided saying “I love you” to me. I know you want to be absolutely sure before you say it. Take your time, please. I never want to pressure you. Those three words are the indication I wait for. If it’s God’s will that those words come from your lips, then things will firm up in a practical way. If I have to wait a year to know your feelings, it’s OK with me. But I’d like to have you down here next year as a wife. I pray for us daily. I love you.

“The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.” (Isaiah 58:11)