The word “widow” is all about negatives. To qualify, a woman has to lose her husband to death. She becomes half of the whole that marriage had been for her. Her marriage label is withdrawn, and she embarks on a journey characterized by alone-time.
Wives are into togetherness. They understand partnership and burden-sharing. My Mom’s generation used to say, “When you get married, you double the joys and cut the sorrows in half.” Marriage is a joint venture in which one person can bounce ideas off the other, get a second opinion before making a decision, and balance a singular point of view with the opposite approach. Scripture underscores the reality of all this affiliation in Ecclesiastes 4:9-10. “Two are better than one… for if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him that is alone when he falls, for he has not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat, but how can one be warm alone?”
When widowhood arrives, the twosome is pulled apart. She falls, maybe just emotionally, and wonders how she’ll get up or even if she will. One of Webster’s definitions for a widow is “a woman deprived of something greatly loved or needed.” Such a definition evokes raw emotions for me, because like it or not, that’s my life.
But as I move deeper into widowhood, I know I’m not alone. First and foremost I have my Heavenly Father who promises to step in for Nate as God the Husband (Isaiah 54:5). He’s already fulfilled that promise on several occasions.
I also have my fabulous, attentive children and children-in-law, who go above and beyond for me, day to day. I have my fantastic sister and her husband who notice and then respond to my needs in ever-creative ways, ministering kindness (and gifts!) again and again.
Although I used to live with my own lawyer, now I have my talented brother going to bat for me in handling Nate’s law practice and managing his personal financial affairs, no small task for my husband, who was deficient in filing skills! He signs his notes, “Your brother and lawyer.”
I have scores of people backing me up with prayer on my behalf, some every single day.
And if all that isn’t enough, I have my Widow Warriors List. On this list are 14 women who have gone ahead of me into this foreign land, a place to which none of us wanted to travel. Each of these ladies has pointedly told me, “I’m here for you. Call me. Here’s my number. Email me. Here’s my @ address. If you have questions, ask me. Nothing is off limits. I’ll check in with you from time to time,” which they have. And their most meaningful comment: “I know what you’re going through.”
One widow friend has been energized and organized by God to set up a valuable web site for those of us in the widow club: www.WidowConnection.com She works tirelessly for all of us and says, “We’re available even during your darkest night when everyone else is sleeping and you can’t.”
How blessed I am! I feel like someone looking out the window at a wild blizzard, knowing I have to head outdoors but being told, “Take your coat off. We went out there on your behalf, so you can stay in. Come over by the fire and get warm.”
Webster has one additional definition of a widow: “a short line ending a paragraph and appearing at the top or bottom of a printed page.” To me that indicates something came before and something new is coming after, which is the truth of my situation. Life as we know it has ended for Nate, but for me, the half that remains, something new is coming.
“The good deeds of some people are obvious. And the good deeds done in secret will someday come to light. Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you. For you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless.” (1 Timothy 5:25, James 1:27, 1 Corinthians 15:58b)
Thank you!
Indeed, my friend, something new is coming! God has always been up to good things in your life. Your immersion in the Word has been an example to us all. No doubt that will be a thread in the ‘new thing’ He will set before you. Excitedly I pack to leave for Africa. Can’t wait to open the Word and present sewing machines to my widow friends there. Love you.
You are a true example of when a person looks at how blessed they are or for the positive aspects, they are lifted up with hope and joy versus when a person looks at what they don’t have in life, they are tormented with despair and depression. You are comforting and encouraging others in the same areas where you have been and still are being comforted and encouraged. God Bless you!
Since this is my first experience with reading and commenting on blogs, I am not sure of it’s rules of etiquette and protocol. So I hope I do not violate code by replying to another commenter and not the host blogger. Miriam, you do not know me, but I know of you, as I often heard both you and Bob, and then you alone speak from the platform at Harvest, as you were walking the road then Margaret has so recently joined. Among so many things you shared, I have filed away your comment that it was a privilege to care for Bob during his decline. And then it was not a long time before a widow’s ministry began to appear in the bulletin that you started. Then you wrote an article about widowhood that was so profoundly practically helpful that I xeroxed it for each woman in my small group (did I just confess to a copyright violation?). You are managing to make sure every drop in the vial of perfume given you is being used for His ends and purposes.
Margaret, you are cut from the same cloth and vision to know Him and make Him known in every season of your life. How good of God to bring Miriam and the other thirteen in your life when the “two becoming one” takes on an entirely different meaning. They know firsthand the soul famine when the fig tree does not blossom, and there is no fruit on the vine, and then the Lord’s strengthening touch to give them hinds feet to walk on their own personal high places.
Thanks both of you for your examples of godly care taking and godly grieving.
From a “younger woman” soaking up the wisdom of my elders. 🙂
Terry
I, too, am a soakee….the words and wisdom on this site both from writer and commenters has been like stumbling upon fresh water after a sandstorm. The inane emails, forwards, and manic chain-prayer-angel-Maxine-infested tripe that twitters across my screen (yours, too?) leave me feeling like many people are sharing an IQ!! By contrast, reading these daily-fresh thoughts, ideas, and responses to God’s Word and Person….at the MOST difficult time of one’s life….has put so many things in perspective. My life has just ramped up to warp speed with the full time care of my Mom-in-Law, but like you, I am finding daily graces, in the oddest places, and being energized for the task from a very unseen source. The tears are very close to the surface all the time…because there is this niggling fear that I can’t go the distance. This life suddenly seems so long. Is that how you feel sometimes? I signed up for this–no one held a gun to my head! But in the middle of the night when that little bell rings and I realize it’s not tolling for thee, but for me….:) 2 thoughts race for first place. “O not again!” and/or “Jesus came not to be served but to serve…” Later, when I stagger to the computer and hit DELETE to most of what’s in there, then I pour a second cup of coffee (the first one was used up just turning the computer on) and click on your blog and smile. Because I know it’s going to be another good day!