No marriage is without its stress points. Whether it’s something internal between husband and wife or something external that life throws at both of them, hard times can either make or break a relationship.
Statistics show, for example, that having a bankruptcy can cause a couple to split up. The birth of a special needs child can do it, too, or in-law problems, a critical spouse, or chronic health issues. And when life-and-death cancer hits, anything can happen.
A couple could blame each other for the dilemma they’re in. They might argue about it and berate each other, harming their relationship. But they could also weather the storm together, clinging to one another tighter than ever.
Mary and Bervin are currently traveling through one of those life-and-death crises, each of them exposed to a mountain of stress and sadness. Cancer has a way of doing that to people. But everything I’ve observed between the two of them points to increasing togetherness rather than a cracking of their marriage bond.
The day of Mary’s surgery (Monday), as four of us said goodbye, she went around the circle giving each of us a strong hug. Coming to Bervin, she passed him by. “I’m saving the best for last,” she said, looking at him. Then after hugging the rest of us, she went back to him and held on tight.
What part does God play in the traumas that come to all married couples? For one thing, he doesn’t waste even one of these experiences. Rough patches in marriage are particularly useful from his point of view, since they tend to polish off our rough edges and make couples look to him for help. At least that’s his hope.
God’s intention is that when trouble comes, wives and husbands will race to put supportive arms around each other, satisfying the other one’s need without concern for their own. By doing so they demonstrate humility, servanthood, and true love, which pleases both their partner and the God who bonded them in marriage. It also primes the pump for a next time, when the one who’s been given the most, eagerly becomes the giver.
Traditional (old-fashioned) wedding vows include this concluding statement: “What God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” (Mark 10:9) In other words, nothing of human origin should be allowed to pull them apart. When circumstances threaten to do that, even if it’s a disease, God hopes husband and wife will cling instead of crumble, coming out the other side stronger than ever.
That’s exactly what’s happening with Mary and Bervin. Mary’s life will never be the same now that cancer has come, and their marriage won’t be the same either. But that’s ok, because it’s going to be better than ever.
“Love… endures through every circumstance.” (1 Corinthians 13:7)
Mary’s prayer requests:
- For a peaceful night after a day of difficulty
- For pain meds to work without causing nausea
- For thorough healing of Mary’s insides
- For stamina to meet physical demands
Oh Margaret, this has to be the biggest deja vu for you. I know it is for me, just reading about it. I am sad for you all, but hopeful that God will allow a good outcome or Mary. God Bless you all!
Loved the picture as I did my nurse’s training at St. Mary’s hospital, and my house was on 14th Street, just 1 block west of St. Mary’s. Loved the sisters and the little chapel within the hospital. It was always a picture to me that God is always at the center of real healing. Good words on marriage, too!
Beautiful words, Margaret, about the endurance of love!
I’m especially grateful for you, Margaret, for your faithfulness. Your writings and photographs are always a very current encouragement! The healing of severed muscles, nerve endings, vessels, brings much pain. Knowing that Mary needs that pain and nausea medicine, lets her and us know that these vital abdominal ‘parts’ are viable. She ‘feels’ the sensations. Nurses and patients get excited when they feel gas pains, and hear bowel sounds, with a stethoscope. If she doesn’t already have a rocking chair, in her hospital room, please ask for one. (need surgeon order). Rocking helps with abdominal pain, immensely. Walking and rocking, along with the wonderful Pain Pump, speeds up the recovery, as well as IV nausea med. Shower helps emotionally, (need order) with IV sites temporarily capped off, and incision site made water proof.
Such a beautiful description of ‘true love’……and it is that love, and Mary being secure in it, that will hasten her recovery/healing. It’s a proven fact! Comfort in knowing you have the support and love of your mate, family and friends releases something in the brain (that I can’t seem to spell correctly), but sends messages to the places needed for healing. the human body is so amazing- just like the Creator that made it! God bless!
Continue to pray for comfort and healing…keep us updated! Nausea is almost worse than pain sometimes…Lots of love!