Heartache Headquarters

Yesterday we left the biblical Peter on an all-night fishing trip aching to be with Jesus, not sure it would ever happen again. After a miserable night of fishing failure (and probably confusion over what he would do with his future), all of a sudden his greatest longing materialized on the beach – a wonderfully familiar voice calling across the water to him!

Jesus calls to the men

Could it be? Did he dare hope? When their fishing net miraculously filled with fish, he knew, and from the core of his heart the ache exploded into fervent glee. It was so overpowering he threw himself into the sea, swimming wildly toward shore and his beloved Friend. Peter no longer cared about the monster-sized catch of fish, his boat, the other men, or anything other than the Person on the beach.

This is one of those scriptural moments when I envision Jesus throwing his head back and laughing as he watched Peter thrash through the water toward him. Did they embrace when he got there, wet man and dry man?

Jesus had been almost playful the way he’d surprised the men with that net of fish. And it wasn’t lost on them that he worked a second wonder when the strained net didn’t rip.

The whole scene must have been punctuated with shouts of happiness as the men encircled Jesus and reveled in the rich satisfaction of being with him again. Proverbs 13:19 says, “The desire accomplished is sweet to the soul,” a truth written all over these disciples on that day.

As I studied this passage, God asked me a question: “Margaret, do you long to see Jesus as much as Peter did?”

“Sure!” my heart answered. “Of course!”

Missing Nate

But then came his second question: “As much as you long to see Nate?”

“Well,” I thought, avoiding the answer, “when my heart aches to see Nate again, the longing will never be satisfied on earth as it was for those disciples. So of course I’m excited about seeing him in heaven.”

On and on my mental reasoning went. “I miss the daily companionship of my husband, the one I knew so well. I miss our conversations and his counsel. I miss him coming home at night, and I miss our I-love-you’s. The thought of one day having him back in all those ways sometimes makes me ache to see him.”

The more I thought about it, though, the more I knew something was amiss in my heartache-headquarters. That’s when God asked his last question: “Do you think you could get to know Jesus even better than you knew Nate?”

It was important to think about that, and in my deepest heart, even deeper-down than my sometimes-ache for Nate, I knew that if I made an effort to get to know Jesus better than ever before, the end-result would be a Peter-esque longing for him that would be unmatched by any other… even my longing for Nate.

“Grow in the…. knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” (2 Peter 3:18)

12 thoughts on “Heartache Headquarters

  1. This is definitely an inspiring and challenging thought. Being a widow for only two months, I so miss my husband and my longing is to see him is very strong. I will pray that I can have the same longing to see Christ.

  2. Praying that you will feel the comforting arms of our Lord, during those “miss Nate” moments.

  3. Boy, this was a good one. I have been thinking on this ever since my husband went to be with Jesus. He had even told me that Jesus would be a better husband than he had been. I miss my husband so much, just as you do yours. Our husbands were God’s gift to us, now He has taken their places and wishes for us to love Him deeply, more deeply than we did our husbands. It is hard to comprehend at times, but I am seeing glimpses and the depth of this newer relationship with Jesus, my Lord and Saviour.

    I have been clinging to Jesus and seeking a closer relationship daily. He knows me inside and out, He never leaves me, He is my continual strength.

    Thank you for this encouraging and uplifting post.

    FlowerLady Lorraine

  4. I love the way you described the aching in Peter’s heart for Jesus (and Jesus’ response to Peter). You encouraged us on this pathway.

  5. Even though my husband is still living, your post today challenges me to get to know Jesus better than my husband.

  6. Several thoughts in this post lead me to suggest a book I’m near finishing, “Beautiful Outlaw,” by John Eldredge. The tag line on the cover is “Experiencing the playful, disruptive, extravagant personality of Jesus.”
    When I’m finished reading it, I might just read it again! This morning, I had the thought of buying a few copies to give to my adult children and others.

  7. Ahhhh…..the moment has arrived, and HE has invited you to be His companion in the most intimate ways we’ve experienced with our husbands….and I can assure you, the ‘holy, reverential estascy’ of His presence in those times of ‘longing’ , is like nothing words can express. You just have to experience it. I encourage you all, to allow him to replace your husbands for the remainder of your time on earth as a widow. It far surpasses the alternative. ” Look full into His wonderful eyes and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace”…..as the song goes, but it is so true.
    God bless you each one.

  8. Thank you for your beautiful heart, Margaret; for being sensitive enough to delve into the earth-bound ache and turn your heart (and mine) toward our God. Thank you for not patting me on the back in my sorrow, but encouraging me to seek the source of ultimate joy and comfort. I pray that we develop that heaven-bound ache or as you so aptly put it: “a Peter-esque longing for him that would be unmatched by any other.”

  9. Beautiful! Simply beautiful! It is my desire to know Jesus in a deeper way also. I think grief does that for us.