Monthly Archives: March 2014

The Best Laid Plans

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SanibelThe last week of March is normally the pivot of my sister’s year because her entire family gathers to share a long-standing tradition: a vacation on Sanibel Island, Florida. That’s 1 husband, 7 children, 4 in-law children, 9 grandchildren, and her.

We can credit Nate with “finding” Sanibel, though it’s been on the map for quite some time. He first visited the island in 1966 on a college spring break with his roommate. Promising himself he’d return one day, he finally did in 1979, with a wife and 3 children in tow. Sanibel’s unsullied beauty charmed us all and brought us back year after year.

???????????????????????????????Mary’s family, vacationing on Marco Island farther south, occasionally visited Sanibel, and eventually we convinced them to vacation there, too. The island became our extended family gathering spot where even our elderly parents joined in. Though a family financial crisis kept Nate and I from regular vacations after 1990, Mary’s family continued the Sanibel tradition.

Actually, they’re supposed to be on the island right now.

Plane tickets had been purchased. Road trips planned. Deposits paid. Twenty-two people had all but put their clothes into suitcases when cancer was found. As Mary and Bervin pursued medical facts and an accurate diagnosis, they encouraged the rest of their family to head for Sanibel anyway. “All of you should go,” they said.

But not one of them would.

Instead, they rallied around their parents and committed to staying close by and available through the cancer journey. Not once have I heard a complaint or an if-only from any of them.

I had one, though: “If only they could have had their time in Sanibel before finding cancer…. Or maybe afterwards.”

That’s when God brought me up short, as he often has to do. “Did it ever occur to you I kept them from going to Sanibel on purpose, for My purpose?”

Here are the thoughts the Lord gave me: “There’s virtually no medical help on that island. Even the hospital located off the island couldn’t compare to the world class medical care Chicago and Rochester gave them. You didn’t see it coming, but I saw Mary’s 104.6 fever. And I saw her cancer. And I kept her home to facilitate immediate, expert help.”

He went on: “I also structured it so that 20 family members would have an ideal opportunity to show love to Mary and Bervin by setting their own disappointment aside and rallying around them.”

Oh.

When something in life blindsides us, it’s important to note the timing. In the Bible we see God unfolding all kinds of intricately timed plans in the lives of his people, and he’s still doing it today. My knee-jerk reaction about a missed vacation was, “What a shame.” A better response would have been, “I trust you to know best, Lord.”

Thankfully Mary’s entire family reacted with nothing but love.

7 kids minus Jo“Put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” (Colossians 3:14)

Mary’s prayer requests:

  1. For the newly-prescribed antibiotics to work well on the infection that’s developed around Mary’s feeding tube
  2. That God will work it out to head home Thursday to receive Marta (flying into Chicago from Arkansas Friday morning).
  3. Praise for some tomato soup today. Mary said, “It tasted so good!”
  4. Praise for reminders of God’s presence at Mayo’s. Today a volunteer piano player was singing and playing “How great is our God!”

Thinking Alike

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???????????????????????????????Mary and I were born 20 months apart, close sisters but opposites in many ways. Maybe that’s why we’ve had a good partnership all these years, since people often gravitate toward those who have what they lack. Strangely enough, though, after thinking through a decision in opposite ways, Mary and I often land in the same place.

Twin cardsTake clothes, for example. Our kids laugh at how often we turn up at family gatherings wearing near-identical outfits without any prior planning. Gift exchanges are often more like matching swaps, and this Valentine’s Day we sent each other identical sister-cards purchased in different stores at different times.

Maybe this kind of think-alike is true of most sister-combos. After all, we were raised in the same home by the same parents who used the same tactics on both of us. But maybe sisters think alike because their attachment over years of time has allowed them to become more alike, by watching each other and learning.

Scripture tells us we ought to hang out with people we admire and hope to emulate. Maybe sisters learn what to do and what not to do just by growing up together.  The same can be true in long marriages, which is why couples who’ve been together 20 years or more have learned to dismiss the bad and imitate the good.

Spiritually speaking, all Christians are encouraged to become more like Christ. He’s our sibling-example, the one we should follow around and try to copy. Ephesians 4:15 advises us to do this, suggesting that each day we ought to be making small-but-steady progress.

None of us will have become enough like Christ to be ready for that momentous meeting face-to-face. It’s only through his gift of salvation that we’ll have that privilege at all. I have a hunch, though, that he’s going to commend the efforts we made (no matter how paltry) to think and act like him.

The Lennon SistersMary and I enjoy thinking alike, but there’s one project we can’t undertake as sisters: singing duets. We like listening to the unique blend of synchronized sister-voices, but Mary’s and my only hope for that would be in the next world. Maybe Jesus will give us the ability to sing like other sister-groups, like the Andrews Sisters and the Lennon Sisters. We could be the Johnson sisters! Sounds like sweet harmony to me.

“Walk with the wise and become wise.” (Proverbs 13:20)

Mary’s prayer requests:

  1. Praise for Bervin’s patience. As Mary says, “It’s hard being cooped up in a hotel room this long when you’re healthy.”
  2. Praise for the live streaming of the Moody Church service this morning (Mary and Bervin’s home church), which was uplifting
  3. Pray about the sharp abdominal pains Mary has had throughout the weekend in her feeding tube area, that tomorrow’s hospital appointment with the “tube expert” will resolve the problem.
  4. Please continue to pray for weight gain.

You didn’t ask.

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FOBMary and I share the same taste in movies. High on our list is a set of clean-cut family films, Father of the Bride I and II. Tonight as Mary and I talked on the phone, a line from the second movie was rolling around in my head.

Nina and George, a middle-aged couple trying to cope with life’s changes, decide to sell their spectacular big home. Both are deeply attached to it but think a new place might bring a fresh start.

Immediately after selling, they learn their buyer is about to raze the house and build two in its place. George plants himself between the house and the wrecking ball, determined to save “his” home.

Mr. HabeebWith great alarm he says, “You didn’t tell me you were going to destroy it!”

Mr. Habeeb (the buyer) says, “You didn’t ask.”

*             *              *              *              *

 

There’s no way we can think to ask all the important questions in life. Had George thought to ask, he wouldn’t have sold.

In the last 40 days, Mary and Bervin have been bombarded with medical information, and at the end of each instruction they’ve been asked, “Do you have any questions?”

Most of us are overloaded at moments like that and usually say, “I don’t think so.”

Isn’t it nice to know there is a place without any pressure to ask the right questions? It’s in our relationship with God.

He says a time will come when he’ll send answers to our questions before we even ask them, and Mary and Bervin have experienced that already.

photo(118)For example, yesterday Mary’s feeding tube clogged. Despite Bervin’s mechanical know-how, he couldn’t get it functioning, and Mary was without nutrition for 24 hours. So today they headed back to the hospital for a repair or, if necessary, a painful surgical procedure to correct the problem.

Despite a valiant effort on the part of two “tube experts,” the flow remained blocked, and over hours of time, Mary was admitted and prepped for the procedure. At the last minute, however, a new tech appeared. “Let me try,” he said, and all of a sudden the tube cleared.

How often is a patient told, “You can climb off the table, ditch the hospital gown, and get dressed.” Mary and Bervin hadn’t asked God to spare her from the procedure, but he gave that anyway.

In another example, just before Mary transferred from the hospital to the hotel last week, a 30-something man with a serious infection was rolled into the room across the hall. A sad young wife and the man’s troubled parents told Mary this was his 4th surgery in a short time, and stress was running high.

As she sat in her empty room awaiting discharge papers, she wished she had something to give them. Just then a gift was delivered to Mary’s room, which she immediately shared with the folks across the hall. She hadn’t asked, but God had answered.

In Father of the Bride II, Mr. Habeeb gave George’s house back to him, but not before George had emptied his bank account. But our generous God delivers his positive answers…. without charge.

“I will answer them before they even call to me.” (Isaiah 65:24)

Mary’s prayer requests:

  1. Praise for the friendly competent staff at Mayo’s
  2. Praise for the cleared tube and aborted surgery
  3. Pray the change in formula will bring relief from abdominal gas pain
  4. Pray for serious weight gain, now that Mary is down to 109 lbs, at 5’7”.