Yearly Archives: 2012

Effective Communication

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When I was growing up, the thought of communicating with someone in another room was done only one way: by shouting. Cell phones were non-existent, and even walkie-talkies were unavailable. That’s why it was exciting to put empty soup cans at both ends of a long string and talk into the cans. Two rooms away someone could actually hear you. Childhood pals sometimes strung a line between their two homes, cleverly talking well past bedtime.

Another pre-cell-phone way to stay connected with friends was epitomized on TV in a series called “The Goldbergs,” aired in the 1950’s. Molly Goldberg would lean our her apartment window and holler to her neighbor, “Yoo hoo!” and the two would converse across the corner of their building.

Cell phones have eliminated the need for such creative communication, but last week my next-door-neighbor and I harkened back to the old ways. Linda knew Birgitta was going to learn the gender of her unborn baby on Thursday. “Maybe you could put a piece of pink or blue paper in your kitchen window. We’ll look out our bathroom window and discover the news.”

And so after Birgitta opened her tell-tale cookie and realized she was having a girl, we hung a pink paper in the window. When Linda saw it, she taped up a response: a baby picture with a pink bow in her hair.

So who needs cell phones?

Something about this primitive but festive way of communicating was very satisfying. It was creative, free, and lots more fun than calling Linda on the phone. In a way, it reminded me of the creative ways God communicates with us.

Sometimes he makes the words of the Bible leap off the page with personal meaning. At other times he speaks through the mouth of a friend or pastor. Then there are our thoughts, which he can shape to lead us to him. Even a potent dream can be used in special ways to influence us for his purposes. Books can also alert us to his messages, and experiences in nature can prompt us to worship him.

Our part is to be sure we’re listening and watching for whatever it is he wants to say. If Linda and I hadn’t remembered to look out our windows, we would’ve missed the happy messages. In the same way, if we race through our days without thinking of what God might be telling us, we could easily miss out.

It’s good to know he’s consistently trying to get through to us and won’t give up trying. And because there’s no end to his creativity, you never know how he might choose to get through. If you pick up a soup can and listen carefully, who knows what you might hear.

“Faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.” (Romans 10:17)

Pink or Blue?

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Tonight I attended a party that will always rank in my top 10. It was small (only 4½ guests) but extraordinary. The younger generation would call it a “Gender Reveal,” but the rest of us would just say, “We learned the sex of the baby!”

Since Birgitta’s last doctor appointment 3 weeks ago, we’d been eagerly looking toward today’s ultrasound. They said we’d discover if the baby was a girl or boy, and Birgitta was bursting with anticipation. By the time she was on the table, we were all giggling with expectation.

Louisa had driven from Chicago to get in on the fun and had told us about Gender Reveals. Birgitta said, “Why don’t we have one! It’ll make a great story for the baby some day.” And so the Reveal was scheduled for after dinner.

We planned to ask the ultrasound tech to keep the baby’s gender a secret from the girls, but to let me know. Then, after the appointment, I’d bake a batch of cookies, decorating half with blue sprinkles, half with pink. After dinner I’d hand Birgitta a cookie with the baby’s correct color on it, thereby revealing the gender.

During the hour-long ultrasound we were reminded of the medical purpose for the test: to check each organ, measure bones, confirm the due date, and amass baby-data for Birgitta’s doctor. Learning the sex would come last, if at all.

With strained patience we all studied the fuzzy black and white computer screen, squinting in an effort to make sense of the tech’s comments. “See that dark spot? A kidney. And that bright one? The knee cap.” Complicating the process was a busy Baby Nyman, all four limbs continually in motion.

We ooohed and aaahed over glimpses of a hand, a button-nose, a rib cage. When a tiny foot came into view, the tech said, “See those five toes?” We did, asking how big they were. “Well,” she said while measuring, “the entire foot is one inch, so you can imagine the toes!”

When reveal-time came, the girls turned from the screen, and I leaned in close. But baby kept us guessing. “The legs are tight together,” she said, bobbing her scanner up and down on Birgitta’s tummy. “C’mon, little one. Let us see!”

Ten minutes of persistence paid off, and when she said, “There!” I couldn’t tell what I was looking at. “I’ll show you,” she said, and with her keyboard she spelled out the sex on her screen. I was ready to squeal, learning the baby was the gender Birgitta was hoping for, but managed to quietly say, “OK, I’ve got it,” and the image was quickly erased.

At home the girls poured over name books while I decorated cookies, and by dinnertime when Mary arrived, I’d managed to hold the secret without giving any clues. Finally the time came to give Birgitta her special cookie. I’d plucked one from the bunch and wrapped it in tin foil for this important moment. Handing it to her you’d think we were about to announce the winner of a Nobel Prize.

When she peeled off the foil, she screamed with delight, putting both hands to her face in shock. The sugar was pink! And she was carrying the little girl she’d hoped to have.

Thank you, Lord, for this child of blessing. Although Birgitta is carrying her, she’s really all yours.

“The desire accomplished is sweet to the soul.” (Proverbs 13:19)

Willingly Wooed? (…from yesterday)

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God’s Word is detailed and practical. Whatever the question, he has the answer. In my consideration of whether or not to marry again some day, Scripture offered clear counsel. I learned that widows are free to choose another husband, but before they do, the Lord wants them to know the happier choice would be to remain single.

In my few years of widowhood, I’ve missed being married. But Nate and I grew up together as many married couples do, and our couple-history, if written down, would fill many volumes. A second husband’s history would fill a different set of books. Although second spouses could work at telling each other about first ones, most of that history would remain unshared and unappreciated. Of course a new couple-story would start when a new marriage began, but the inside jokes and warm remembrances of years gone by would be absent.

The greater problem, though, would be the grown children. Scripture is clear that a husband should trump children in the heart of a wife. Since Nate’s been gone, the fellowship of my adult children and children-in-law has been sweeter and richer than ever, with the grandchildren being an extension of that.

Remarriage sounds like squeezing a new husband into the existing picture rather than putting him on top of the heap. And of course the same squeeze would have to happen on his side. Maybe the biblical Paul, though unmarried himself, could see the sticky situations that would follow remarriage, so he counseled against it.

We all know couples who’ve remarried after widowhood. The relationships that work best are those that grew out of friendships established well before the deaths, four adults who knew each other and raised their children together, who all had relationships beforehand.

So what happens to those of us who take the biblical advice and remain single? Scripture gives an excellent example of a widow-champion. Anna (of Luke 2) had a husband who died after only 7 years of marriage. If she married around 15, common in that day, she was a widow for 62 years, since Scripture says she was 84 when she “met” the newborn Jesus.

Anna was spiritually favored, having been given the role of a prophetess. That meant she was a go-between linking God to the Jews. She made sure Jehovah was #1 in her life, even to the point of living in the temple full time. She is a good model for all of us widows, and we can lead fulfilling lives if we, too, devote ourselves to whatever God has planned for us.

She showed us how to count on the Lord to be all the Man any of us would ever need.

“A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is.” (1 Corinthians 7:39-40)