Monthly Archives: December 2012

No-el

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Every family has its special holiday traditions and customs, from favorite foods to must-do celebrations. Christmas trees are adorned with unique homemade ornaments, scruffy from years of use, and the same well-worn household decorations come out year after year. Lifted out of tattered storage boxes, they bring a fresh thrill each December.

When it comes time to put away our family’s Christmas things, I always leave two items for LIFO (last-in, first-out): my giant canister of holiday cd’s, and the tin of holiday necklaces, earrings, and broaches. After December 1st, it’s only Christmas music at our house, and it’s holiday “jewelry” every day.

When the kids were little, they argued over who would wear which of the pins and trinkets in the jewelry tin, some of them crudely made by pudgy fingers in kindergarten. But for years now, my grown children haven’t cared to wear them, so I’ve been the only one dipping into the tin. That is until this year. Suddenly my old Christmas baubles have taken on new life in the hands of my grands.

Skylar in particular has been fascinated with their “beauty,” and Nicholas has been concerned over the “pokey’s” on the broaches, wanting each one safely clasped. Last Sunday I pleased them all by wearing the biggest broach, a red ceramic “Noel” pin 5” long that included a chunky poinsettia.

But while bending down to hug a child after church, I heard a crack and realized I’d pressed him up against the broach. “Ouch!” he said, and pulled away, looking up at me.

“Oh my!” I said. “I think I hugged you into my pin!”

We rubbed his head, and he skipped off to get a Christmas cookie. That night when I went to remove the broach and put it away, I realized the crack I’d heard hadn’t been a child’s head at all but the snapping of the broach in half. When I took it off, it simply said, “No” instead of “Noel.” Eventually I went back to church to hunt for the “el” but never found it.

The word “noel” has become synonymous with Christmas, but originally it meant birth or day of birth. That’s where our Christmas carol The First Noel got its story-line: “Noel, noel, born is the King of Israel.”

But what about the “el?” It’s definition  is a good one: the name of God as strength, might, power, sovereignty. “El” is used hundreds of time in Scripture, often coupled with more descriptive words that detail God’s character: El Emet (God of truth), El Olam (everlasting God), El De’ot (God of knowledge), El Hakkavod (God of glory), and many more.

And on Sunday I lost my “EL!”

But what a glorious miracle to know that throughout my lifetime, my real EL cannot be lost, because I will never say NO to EL Chaiyai, “The God of my life.”

“By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life (El Chaiyai)” (Psalm 42:8)

Fines Appropriate to the Crimes

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Yesterday we were reminded of how God views whining, complaining, and murmuring: all negative. Each of us has had experience with whiners, whether it’s our children, their friends, our friends, or ourselves. Though we discipline youngsters for incessant whining, we rarely abstain ourselves. After all, everybody has a right to vent, don’t they?

God says, “No.”

Sadly, his standard is the opposite of our natural inclinations. To comply with biblical instructions, we have to make a deliberate effort to stop old habits and think in new ways. Just like breaking any bad habit, the tools we need to succeed are fortitude and optimism.

But if that sounds too hard, we do have another choice: to willfully continue whining and complaining, knowing God will discipline us for it. It’s a sure thing he won’t ignore something he knows is bad for us, something that goes contrary to his wisdom. I can almost hear him say, “It’s for your own good, my child,” as he brings down his heavy hand. But if that doesn’t sound appealing, there’s still one other option.

When Nate and I were raising our 7 children, we were no strangers to murmuring, particularly at the dinner table.

  • From a 4 year old: “Why do you make us eat peas? I hate ’em.”
  • From a 9 year old: “Why can’t we eat with the TV on like normal families do?”
  • From a 13 year old: “Why can’t I eat in my room like my friends do?”
  • From a 16 year old: “Why do you torture us with family dinners?”

Nate used to say, “For the most part, we don’t drink alcohol, but somehow we end up with whine at every meal.”

Tired of hearing it, he finally came up with something he called the “Complainer Can.” He composed a short explanation and taped it to the outside of an empty hot chocolate container:

  • If you gripe and yell when there isn’t any, you owe me a penny.
  • If you scream and whine and further repine, you owe me a dime.
  • But if you yip and holler, put in a dollar!

Since the children received allowances (1/4th of their age), he knew they “had money” and insisted they pay fines appropriate to their crimes. This helped our dinnertime atmosphere for quite some time, since the kids spent less time complaining and more time trying to catch someone else whining so they’d have to pay a price for it. Of course inflation would have upped those fines quite a bit by now: a penny would be a dollar, a dime would be ten, and a dollar, $100.

So, there are 3 ways to handle whining: self-discipline, no self-discipline, and monetary discipline. The first one starts with difficulty but ends well. The second starts effortlessly but ends in stress.  And the last?  Maybe  if we put those inflated fines into the weekly offering basket instead of The Complainer Can, it would be the most effective approach of all.

“Set an example for the believers… in speech.” (1 Timothy 4:12)

Minimizing Murmuring

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For several days now, my 7 grandchildren have been at my house making all kinds of racket and having all kinds of fun. Even though they’re only aged 4, 3, 2, 2, 2, 9 months, and 7 weeks, these young cousins (who live far from each other most of the time) are establishing sweet relationships, and it’s a joy to watch.

Today I saw 2 two-year Micah and Thomas wobble down the stairs hand-in-hand, chattering (simultaneously) about the toys they were going to find in the basement. Then 4 year old Skylar and 2 year old Evelyn joined forces to “help” Birgitta change Emerald’s diaper, adding kisses, head-strokes, and 12 extra wipes to the routine. This afternoon Nick and Skylar successfully completed an art project without bickering, and all of them regularly stop to pat crawling Autumn on her head.

Overall, the compatibility is impressive, at least most of the time. But then there are those moments of frustration, fatigue, and unadulterated, me-first selfishness when eruptions come lightning fast and pleasant children melt-down in seconds.

But there’s something much worse than screaming fits. Somewhere between harmony and discord lies the miserable zone of murmuring.

The word “murmur” is an example of onomatopoeia, a word that sounds exactly like its definition. To murmur is to whine or complain about something in an irksome tone, not especially loud or soft but droning on and on, with no end. And during these happy days at my house, we’ve also had big doses of murmuring.

But murmuring is nothing new. The children of Israel did it while following Moses through the wilderness, murmuring about being hungry, thirsty, about their leaders, about leaving Egypt, about the challenges of war, and about most of what God told them to do.

They weren’t the only ones, though. Years later the Scribes and Pharisees of Israel murmured against Jesus and also against his disciples. But New Testament believers murmured, too. None of us can justify pointing a finger.

Except God, that is.

God never murmurs and is disappointed when any of us do it, whether we’re 2 years old, 22, or 102, and he links his displeasure with punishment. As a matter of fact, the children of Israel weren’t allowed to enter The Promised Land for only one reason: their murmuring.

This afternoon Linnea tried to cope with a murmuring toddler as we talked about how difficult it was to listen to steady whining. Then she said, “But I guess since I’m complaining right now, I’m doing it, too.” We all whine sometimes, but God has the same opinion about it today as he did thousands of years ago.

So what can be done? How can we be good examples of “murmurlessness” in front of our children and grandchildren when complaining comes so naturally? Tomorrow Nate is going to give us the answer.

“Do all things without murmurings and disputings, that you may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke.” (Philippians 2:14-15)