Rational Fear

Posted on February 16, 2012 by Margaret

Jack is like all dogs, wanting to go along whenever I leave the house. He accompanies me to church, the dentist, Bible study, and on errands, content to nap in the back seat. Today, though, I decided to leave him at home and patted his head on my way out.

But I just couldn’t turn away from his pleading eyes. “Alright. I guess you can go.”

So off we went to make 5 stops. First up was Walgreens, and I pulled into a parking spot 8 cars away from the entrance. While reaching for my purse and list, another car pulled in on my left. The driver went into the store while his burly passenger stepped out and stood next to my door.

This man was agitated about something, shaking his head and shouting. He stood outside my window facing me, his stomach no more than inches away. He didn’t move but kept shouting at no one in particular while lighting a cigarette.

Fear washed over me, and I looked at my door lock button: open. If I locked the doors in front of him, would it offend him? Would he follow me when I left Walgreens?

A minute passed and he didn’t move. Neither did I, and my gut told me I was in danger… until I remembered who was napping in the back seat. In a raspy whisper tinged with fear I said, “Jack!” and like a shot he was up on all fours facing the window. And the man.

Immediately the intimidating stranger became the intimidated, stepping away from my door and onto the sidewalk, eyes locked on Jack. I started the car, backed away, and headed for errand #2.

While driving, I thought about God’s promise. “Fear not, I am with you.”

“But Lord, a stranger just threatened me! And I was afraid!”

What does God mean by asking us not to fear? He isn’t into feel-good platitudes that have no bite to them in an emergency. His promises are practical, and he personally stands behind them, so I don’t think he means we shouldn’t feel afraid. To the contrary, I think my in-the-moment fear was his gift to help me assess the danger and decide to leave.

So what about God’s statement not to fear?

I think he’s saying, “Because I’m with you, this situation will ultimately end in victory. I’ll settle the score, have no fear about that.”

While that might not be as comforting as we’d like, in the same passage where he says not to fear, he also says, I’ve chosen you… I’ve called you… I’ll help you… I’ll uphold you… I’ll strengthen you…

I promise.

No matter what might have happened in the parking lot today (even an attack), God would have kept those promises to help, to strengthen, whether before, during or after. I’m thankful it turned out as it did and am also thankful for Jack, who will now be my permanent errand-running buddy.

“Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you.” (Isaiah 41:10)

Sanctuary Time

Posted on February 15, 2012 by Margaret

There are many troubled marriages these days, and America’s divorce rate of 50% tells that tale. But the same statistic also shows that 50% of marriages are pretty good.

Most people are over-worked physically and under-nourished emotionally. Marriages suffer in that environment, deprived of the quality time and attention needed to go the distance. Wives and husbands who are committed to making their love last have to work hard to find unpressured time together.

My marriage partner has been gone for 2 years, and for many months I’ve had trouble ending each day. I’ve stayed up past 3:00 or 4:00 AM repeatedly, reluctant to climb the stairs and go to bed. This seems extreme, and I’m not sure of the reason. The short answer is that I don’t like sleeping alone. But that isn’t completely true. Although having two in a bed brings security, comfort, and love, I think there’s something else bothering me.

Married couples who love each other have something special waiting for them at the end of each day. After going separate ways from dawn to dusk chasing different pursuits, they finally put their children to bed, set aside their worries, and meet behind closed doors. The bedroom becomes a type of sanctuary.

There they can talk and listen to each other, commiserate with the stresses of the day, laugh a little, maybe spend time reading side-by-side or share a bowl of popcorn on the bed. Late at night the phone doesn’t ring, the children don’t interrupt (usually), and revitalizing sleep is just around the corner. Both can take a deep breath followed by a long, feel-good sigh. The day is almost over.

And I think that’s my problem. My husband-wife sanctuary time is gone.

Nate’s last couple of years were dominated by back pain that demanded he lie down earlier and earlier, and I stayed up late to manage two high schoolers. But once we knew he had cancer, we immediately reestablished our sanctuary time. He still eased himself onto the bed early, but I climbed in then, too. Despite the house being full of people, Nate and I had those last precious moments of every day to ourselves before he would drift into sleep. And it was then we talked about the challenge at hand: terminal cancer.

But that wasn’t all. We also talked about our past lives, how we met, our marriage, the children, unnumbered blessings, unmet goals, God’s choices for us, and the “what-ifs” of the future, both his and mine. It was a painful time but was also laced with sweet declarations of love and some very potent promises.

I know my current struggle to climb the stairs and end each day will eventually mitigate. Meanwhile, as I put one foot in front of the other, I try to remind myself the Lord goes up the steps with me, offering his love and potent promises along with a willingness to be the other half of the last conversation of every day.

And when dawn arrives and I get to head down the steps again, he goes with me then, too.

“The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does.” (Psalm 145:13)

Leaning or Learning?

Posted on February 14, 2012 by Margaret

Today is Valentines Day, and although it was originally intended for couples, it’s come to represent love of all kinds. Because of that, those of us who aren’t part of a pair can participate also.

This week I’ve been thinking a great deal about someone precious to me, someone I love dearly, my sister Mary. We’ve all heard the expression, “You can’t out-give God.” I can say the same about her.

Mary is a giver. She never “arrives” anyplace without something special to give, a flower, a small package, a framed photo, cupcakes, or any number of other things. She’s creatively thoughtful and not just with material gifts. Her greatest giving is of effort: a willingness to sit with someone who’s hurting or to serve others by chauffeuring, making a meal, or running errands. That gift of effort also demands time, and Mary cheerfully gives big chunks of that to others, even if it means quietly setting aside her own agenda.

She’s my older sister (not by much), and ever since childhood I’ve followed her around, counting on her to have the good idea or take the lead. For example, when I was three and still sucking my thumb, my parents tried to solve the problem by pinning my pajama sleeves over my hands. Mary had a better idea and took off the pins. No wonder I wanted to stick with her.

Now that we’ve grown up, had 14 children between us, and lived separately for more than 50 years, you’d think I could maneuver through life without leaning on her, but no. I’m still calling for advice, still loving time with her, and still appreciating when she comes up with an efficient plan to reach goals… even my goals.

She’s forever organized, the kind of person who doesn’t lose track of her phone, her keys or what’s written on her calendar, and while I’m often caught scrambling, she brings calm to every storm. After decades of watching her give to others, I’m still hoping some of it will eventually rub off on me.

Mary is an excellent example of doing what God wants us all to do. He set the original standard, then sent Jesus to model what earthly servant-leadership should look like. Mary takes time to study the life of Jesus and learn from him what she’s supposed to do. But beyond that, she’s willing to actually do it. The result is a demonstration of what faith in God looks like on an everyday basis.

When we gravitate toward people like Mary, in the process we’re actually leaning toward the Lord, because godly people have become godly only by living close to him first. Their counsel is a reflection of him, and their actions mirror the behavior of Jesus. I didn’t deserve such a fine sister, but I sure am glad to have her… on Valentines Day and every day.