Monthly Archives: August 2010

Nesting on Empty

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The beach is busy these days, summer’s last hurrah for many families. Compared to the 13 week summer we had as kids, today’s students have a raw deal having to pull on their back packs during the dog days of August. Teachers, too, surely must regret the earlier start-dates.

For me, not much will change when most of the world jumps back into making lunches, driving carpools and doing homework. Although I’ll still have two school-attending children, one will be five hours away by car, the other five hours by plane. So my nest will officially be empty, which is neither good nor bad, just factual.

Although I’ve known for years this day would come, I figured I would still have Nate when it arrived. I knew it wouldn’t feel completely empty with my partner and friend on hand to share the start of this new time of life.

Mom used to caution us during the whirlwind years of raising children when we had as many as five different schools simultaneously and five schedules to honcho. “Don’t get so busy you forget about your beloved,” she’d say. “When the kids are grown and gone, you’ll be back to where you started, just the two of you.”

Without preparation, husbands and wives can arrive at the empty nest with fear and trembling. After so many years of intense co-parenting, it can feel funny to be reduced to  two.

“Who is this guy?” she’ll say.

“What did I ever see in this woman?” he’ll say.

What does God intend for this season of couple-life? For one thing, he hopes the leave-and-cleave rule will hold up under pressure. Also, the statement, “Two are better than one” should still be considered a blessing. And putting the interests of another ahead of our own should continue to work well. But alarm bells ought to ring if a couple suddenly thinks giving up is the easiest route to take.

When one of the couples we knew would announce a break-up, especially after being married several decades, Nate would shake his head and say, “He should have stayed with the wife of his youth.”

What if a husband and wife were told, “In the spring of 2015, one of you will die.” The conversations and deeds of today would be carefully and lovingly planned. Nothing would be taken for granted. Each day would be greeted with eagerness. Quitting would be unthinkable.

Nate and I had talked about what life would be like one distant day when all the kids were up and out. We knew there would be major adjustments, but we determined to make the most of it.  The only thing we never discussed was an empty nest with just one in it.

Twelve months ago, we knew nothing of terminal cancer. Nate’s last words on the subject of the empty nest were, “We don’t know what it’ll be like, but we know we’ll be in it together.”

God had other plans, but I love Nate for remaining loyal to the wife of his youth, right up until the very end.

“Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his… So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth.” (Malachi 2:15)

August 8, 1945 (By Louisa & Birgitta)

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God was good to us on August 8, 1945.

Well I guess technically it wasn’t until 42 and 44 years after that, 1988 and 1990. Those were the years that we (Louisa and Birgitta) were born into the Nyman family and purposely placed under the care of our understanding, insightful, and patient mom that we lovingly refer to as Midge.

Though it’s been painful and traumatic losing our dad at 21 and 19, we know we’ve been blessed beyond measure when it comes to our family. Having only two decades with our dad was better than a lifetime with any other dad.

Now more than ever we cherish Midge . . .her friendship, guidance, and the fact that she’s our mom.

As Midge’s two youngest daughters, we feel grateful to have such honest relationships with her. She listens with an open mind never judging the way we speak, what we think, or even what we pierce. As a result, we both without a doubt consider her our closest friend.

This morning we were talking with her about her birth date. We realized that she lived the majority of her life before either of us were even born. It was a crazy concept to wrap our young minds around. All we know is life with her as our mom. The fact that Midge has a good four decades on us is reason enough to listen to her advice. Over the years we’ve learned, unfortunately with lots of mistakes and unnecessary heartache, that what she told us in the first place was usually correct. As we get older her guidance and opinions are becoming more and more valuable to us, and we seek it out because we know she receives wisdom from God.

Margaret, Meg, Mama, Marg, Midge, Marni . . . she’s known and loved as any of these, but most importantly to us, she’s known and loved as our mom. Her devotion to us has always been obvious and we’ve never for a moment doubted her love. Growing up we were fortunate enough to have our mama at home with us. Quality time was always a giant part of our childhood and still is to this day. There’s no one we’d rather spend our time with.

Today is Midge’s birthday and we’re blessed to spend it with her. As we celebrate her life we can’t help but miss Papa. August this year is bittersweet because Midge is 65 today and Papa would’ve been 65 on August 18th. God knew what He was doing though when He gave us the mom we have. She’s a woman of strong faith who leads us by her example.

Happy Birthday Midge! We love you more than words can express.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” (James 1:5)

It’s in there.

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After we’ve bought a certain kind of car, we feel a camaraderie with matching cars on the road. Although I’ve never owned a Toyota before, now my eyes land on them, particularly Highlanders. “What a handsome vehicle,” my brain tells me. But before my purchase, I’d never heard of them.

The other day I pulled up behind a Highlander at a red light. I was admiring its silvery color when I noticed something interesting about the Toyota insignia. The letters T-O-Y-O-T-A are all present in that one symbol. And  suddenly it made perfect sense. The loopy design I used to think resembled a man in a cowboy hat was just a clever way to embed the company name into their emblem.

Before the stop light turned green, God put an interesting thought into my head. He, too, is hidden in a similar way, not the letters of his name but his touch, his influence and his wisdom, embedded in the world around us.

I think of God every time I see a flower with five perfectly arranged petals instead of six. It would have been easier to make it symmetrical. I see him hidden in the endlessness of outer space as the Hubble continues to travel and show us more of the heavens. Mankind thinks we’ll eventually see the end of it, but my guess is there is none.

God is hidden in the conception of a baby. With fertilization comes the full potential of a complicated human being. The invisible DNA, present from the first cell division, is so unique it can be trusted to finger a criminal and send him to prison.

The Lord has also hidden himself in the circumstances that come into people’s lives. Our family “saw” him again and again during the 42 days of Nate’s cancer as coincidences became too numerous to be happenstance. He is also hidden in the unexplainable phenomenon of changed lives, of radical turn-arounds that defy logic and probabilities.

God is hidden, yet he calls to us. “Come and find me!” And he intends to let us discover him. This invitation is, of course, the opposite of our M.O. We try to hide things from God, hoping he’ll never ask about them. It might be a deed we’re not proud of or a secret sin we don’t want to stop. It might be a way of thinking we know is wrong.

How ridiculous to think we can hide anything from the Almighty. He has the ability to see beyond x-ray vision right into our thoughts. Nothing can be hidden from him. We would do well to follow his example by telling him, “Come and find me.” But we should also add something he never has to say to us: “I’ll keep no secrets from you.”

“ ‘Can anyone hide in secret places so that I cannot see him?’ declares the Lord. ‘Do not I fill heaven and earth?’ declares the Lord.” (Jeremiah 23:24)