Category Archives: Suffering

You never know…

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Baby MomMom was born in 1912. Arriving several weeks prematurely, she was the fourth baby in her family. Because she was tiny, the doctor told her parents, “Don’t give her a name. She’s not going to make it, so you don’t want to get too attached.”

But Mom fooled everybody; she lived to be 92. You just never know…

Nelson at 9 monthsOur firstborn nearly died at nine months with a case of croup we thought was just laryngitis. When he couldn’t sleep for all the coughing, we called the doctor, who sent us to the hospital. En route, the baby went limp, his eyes rolled back, and we were terrified.

Thanks to quick, discerning doctors, he lived, and after four days in the hospital, he slowly recuperated. When it was all over, Nate and I fell apart, realizing how close we’d come to losing our little guy. You just never know…

Fast forward to 2009, when Nate and I relocated to Michigan. His plan had been to continue full time lawyering for two more years, then gradually scale back. But “untimely” cancer arrived, and 42 days later, our plans were shelved. Nate died “ahead of schedule” at 64. We hadn’t planned on that, but you just never know…

Celebrating lifeLast February my sister Mary learned that after 70 healthy years, she, too, was slated to tangle with cancer. Since then it’s been 1 major surgery, a couple of minor ones, and 3 months of chemo. We’re all hoping she’ll live to be an old lady, and so far so good. But as she says, you never know…

None of us ever knows. The biblical Methuselah lived to be 969 years old, but King David’s baby died as a newborn.  When we were born, God didn’t promise old age, yet we find ourselves angry when someone is taken “before their time.” If they’ve died, though, it was their time. We can’t know ahead, because God doesn’t tell.

???????????????????????????????The Bible describes long life as a blessing, and everyone seems to want it. Mom was thankful for her long life and lived each day vigorously, but in her last years she often said, “Old age isn’t for sissies.” Troubles of all kinds pile high on the elderly, weighing them down with woe, and she was no exception. In order for anyone to handle those burdensome days, great stores of wisdom and godliness are a prerequisite. So when we wish for longevity, we’re signing up for the toughest challenge of our lives.

You just never know…    But then maybe it’s better that way.

”No man has power over the wind to contain it; so no one has power over the day of his death.” (Ecclesiastes 8:8)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. I’m thankful nausea continues to be mild.
  2. And my new feeding tube, a different system than the old one, feels much better. PTL!

Loud Objections

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Last night at about 3:30 am, I was woken up by ear-splitting screeching coming from the woods behind our cottage. In my stupor I couldn’t decide if it was human or not, but as it continued for nearly a minute, I determined it was an animal. I found myself thinking, “Hurry up! Finish it off!” Whatever it was, it was in agony.

OwlToday I’ve tried not to envision what might have been happening out there in the dark. Was it an owl having dinner at the expense of a rabbit?

Before sin existed, every person and animal got along. One day that’ll be true again. In the mean time, much of what happens in our fallen world is unpleasant. Some of it is downright gruesome, like last night’s attack. God could have protected that poor animal and provided food for its foe another way, but he didn’t.

Even though humans aren’t attacked as food, we sometimes (like the animal being attacked) come to a place of shrill screaming. Our lives ebb and flow, dipping in and out of negatives and positives. Some of it has to do with the laws of nature just as the attack in the woods did: hurricanes, viruses, drug addictions, floods. And cancer. The labels are different for each of us, but none of us is exempt from situations that make us want to scream.

Although we often rail against circumstances, what’s rumbling beneath our objections is probably anger at God. Wise counselors say, “Go ahead and yell at him. He can take it.”

But should he have to? If we’re trying to lead godly lives, our response to the negatives ought to be, “Yes, I hate this, but because of God, I know good stuff will come from it.”

Our family has seen the truth of that repeated again and again as a result of Nate’s cancer and now Mary’s. For one thing, all of us are less likely to take the others for granted or to assume, “Life will always be the way it is today.” We’ve become aware, in a poignant way, that everyone’s hold on life is fragile. A second positive is that we’re thanking God continually for the years before cancer. As a result of living in a world that includes trouble, these two good things are now ours.

None of us would appreciate happy times if there were no bad ones. So we learn to endure, experiencing agony and uttering a shrill scream now and then, but bearing up under the misery, because at the end of it, we know there are blessings that can’t be gained any other way

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.” (Romans 5:3)

Taking What Comes

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Tonight I’m munching on brightly colored gumballs, thinking of an incident that happened 36 years ago. Whenever we’d shop at the local grocery, the three kids we had at the time tried to behave well, knowing that if they did, there was a treat after check-out. A clear glass machine of mouth-watering gumballs stood near the exit, and if we got that far tantrum-free, it was gumballs all around.

GumballsNelson always led the way with his dime. Before dropping it in, he’d tell the machine what color gumball he wanted. “A red one,” he’d say, in a demanding tone. Inevitably it was a different color, and though he’d made it through the store without a tantrum, it usually happened then.

“I said RED!” he’d holler, throwing his gumball and occasionally kicking the machine. The next time we’d approach the same machine, Nelson was sure this time his command would be obeyed, though mostly it wasn’t.

Eventually he decided to let Lars, two years younger, have the first turn. Stepping into his older brother’s shoes, little Lars put in his money and said, “I want green!” When a white one came out, he started to whimper. But his big brother had learned by painful experience and dished out some good advice: “Larsy, you have to take what the gumball machine gives you.”

This incident became part of our family folk lore. Nate told the story often, and whenever life took a negative turn, he’d quote Nelson. “This isn’t the greatest situation in the world, but we have to take what the gumball machine gives us.” He even made that statement once in reference to his pancreatic cancer.

And that’s the thing about life. Much of it is handed to us without our permission and is contrary to our wishes. Just as Nelson wanted a red gumball, we want unblemished health, a secure fortune, contented relationships, and personal freedom. Inevitably one (and sometimes all) of those categories become “discolored.”

Nelson once suggested we find a gumball machine with only red ones in it so his dime would produce what he wanted every time. Interestingly, our lives would be devoid of growth if the experiences coming to us were all the same hue. It’s by way of receiving the “wrong colors” that we make colorful progress.

The reality of the situation is that God does have control of what comes to us, whether it’s a certain gumball or a life experience, and he wants us to learn that every “color” has significant flavor. But be prepared for anything, because once in a while, just for the joy of it, he’ll send a “red gumball.”

“Taste and see that the Lord is good.” (Psalm 34:8)

Praising and Praying with Mary:

  1. Thanks for continued prayer about the feeding tube, which is infected at the skin and just under it, requiring antibiotics.
  2. Pray against needing IV antibiotics if the oral doesn’t help.
  3. Praise God there are things to do to address the tube pain.
  4. And I’m thankful it gives me 900 calories each night as I sleep.