Nelson’s journal 2/9/22

While tackling each day, all of them overloaded, Nelson has one thing in the front of in his mind: finding more room for God in his life. As he takes Step One toward becoming an electrician, he is “mostly confident” he’s doing the right thing. But there are other questions swirling around in his head, too, like what name to give their baby boy when he arrives.

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February 9, 2022

Jesus turned water into wine in John 2. It’s what I’ve been reading in my morning quiet times. I extended it, and Annso and I added a Sunday night prayer time to our week in an effort to make space for God to speak and to move. Making space for God, less for everything else.

Tomorrow I start work for Tim in an effort to become an electrician or at least just to follow the leading of God. It’s not even important, so far as I can tell, to know the outcome of the move, just to do the next right thing. I am mostly confident that starting work for him to learn the basics of wiring a house is “the next right thing.”

I’m a little scared to put myself under a “boss” with a start and finish time. I feel a little like the children of Israel asking for a king. “We want what the other nations have!” And they got what they wanted. Well, I’ll try it out anyway and trust you, Lord, with the balance. All we have is today.

Lord, I am so grateful for new things and that your leadings never really take the same shape. We are excited for our little baby, and I’m excited to be stretched in some ways. There is probably nothing worse for us humans than stagnation. I pray we would never get entitled or stagnant in our faith.

Thank you for leading us on. We don’t know the destination, but we know you are Who we want. I pray for wisdom like the older set prayed for us last night at the Tuesday meeting. I pray for wisdom and for tender hearts.

Thank you for our little boy who is coming into the world. I pray for a good name for him that we both like. I was wanting Willard Nelson Nyman out of respect for Papa, but Annso isn’t sure. Anyway, last night we came across Noah Nelson Nyman, which has a nice ring to it. I can get down with that.

I pray for a good name for him, Lord, but more, I pray for a ‘good name’ as your word tells it, meaning the reputation he’ll have. I’m thankful for the improved reputation I have after all those years of craziness. You changed everything, and I’m thankful for it.

I would like to pray about what to do with the extenders here with us in ywam. What can we do to value them, but not have anyone come to a place of entitlement? Should we cap the ‘time-in-a-row’ a person can live at Hale Ola? Should we move people to different rooms? Different buildings?

I pray also for young moms Annso can be friends with, once little Nel comes into the world. I pray that she would meet and like some women who are not in ywam or trying to advance their own kingdoms. I pray she could link up with girls who love you, Lord, so they can sharpen each other.

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“I will counsel you with my eye upon you.” (Psalm 32:8)

Nelson’s Journal, 1/28/22

Nelson continues his fast-paced work with YWAM where no two days are alike, while pondering what life would be like with a 9:00-5:00 job. Would he feel tied down? Would it mean putting permanent roots down in far-away Hawaii? Could he successfully become an electrician? Would this be the best for his family?

While searching for answers, he journaled a prayer, asking God what he should do.

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January 28, 2022

I am super grateful for what you, Lord, have brought us through last year. I read 2 books, the American Pilgrim and the Bitcoin Standard. Annso and I have the best marriage I could imagine. She has the best views on most things, and we think of one mind on many things.

She bought for me the book, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry. I listened to the podcast of it a while back, and there’s probably no book that could apply to me more. I am trying and seeing if a job for Tim [electrician] will work. Might be a step in the right direction.

Our time in Kokua Crew is coming to an end I feel. There is so much hurry and urgency, which is good for a season, but, like many things, it’s not meant to last a lifetime.

Lord, I pray you would show me the way today, the way to speak to Tim about the potential job, that I can really act and pray like it’s totally up to you and I don’t have a horse in the race. I only want what’s the best for my family and where you are leading.

Thank you for leading us so well up until this point. You know my desire to have a trade and something I am really good at, something with a certification that I really know and people are willing to pay me to do.

I’m starting to read the book Annso gave me, and it talks about a fork in the road, taking the one less traveled. He brings his core leadership into a room and says, “I resign.”

For me, with YWAM, with Kokua Crew, and grounds, it’s the right move. Not sure about working as an electrician, but it seems to be the right way… less spotlight, less meetings. Resignation sounds good, actually.

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“Be transformed…that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” (Romans 12:2)

A Bad Phone Call

After sharing a couple of Nelson’s journal entries from one year ago, we’ll go back to the day when he first heard the word cancer. We’ll see how his emotions responded after being told about it. He had gone to the emergency room after struggling to breathe, while also suffering from sharp pains in other areas of his body. His coughing wouldn’t stop, and getting a doctor to see him quickly on the big Island of Hawaii wasn’t possible. So it was the ER or nothing.

Doctors there admitted him and were in the process of gathering data through tests when Nelson first heard the word cancer. He was alone in a hospital bed, because Ann Sophie was home with newborn Will. Covid restrictions in Hawaii were still extensive, and she was running into problems when trying to visit Nelson in the hospital. But she was determined and ended up finding a nurse who “looked the other way,” allowing her to walk in.

The uncertainty of his symptoms was bad enough, but then he got a phone call with some terrible news.

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May 10 2022

Today is day 2 at the hospital, my second time coming in to the ER because the pain and coughing was so severe. Annso pretty much insisted I do it. I went to campus and taught the Korean Foundation School then came home, ate a nice salad with her and came up here [to the hospital]. 

Once I was here, there was this really young doctor who zeroed right in on fluid in the lungs. Once I told him I was coughing so hard at night and that I was so out of breath, he ran and got a mini-ultrasound machine and found fluid in my heart cavity and lungs. That led them to do tons of tests, including a CT scan showing a tumor or growth in my neck and a few lymph nodes in the lungs about 11 mm at the biggest. 

All of a sudden the fluid makes sense, the cough, and none of it has to do with the thyroid, which is what everyone has been looking at. So the admitting doc calls me on the phone and tells me she really thinks it’s cancer and so does the tech who does these scans all the time.

They will test more tomorrow, including a full body CT scan to see what else is going on. Maybe there are things growing in other places, not that these places aren’t severe enough. 

When she told me that, I could hardly believe it, but at the same time, I could. All the intense pain and coughing now add up. I even said a couple times, “If I was told I had stage 3 lung cancer, I would believe it, because it feels like I think that would feel.”

It’s yet to be confirmed, and I would love for her to be wrong, but everyone is praying and it seems a likely scenario. 

Lots of things come into perspective all of a sudden, but I try not to go worse-case-scenario right away. I think of what happened to Papa and wonder, “Will I be alive this time next year? Will I be alive at Christmas? Will I be alive still even in August?” Unknown for all of us, but especially me.

I don’t know anything, but the people I worry about the most are Annso and Will. What will they do? How hard for them will it be? I would have the easier situation, and they’d be left to pick up the pieces. How terrible. How terrible for her to be turned into a single Mom so soon after our answer to prayer and miracle [baby].

I don’t even want to ask WHY. Doesn’t matter, and no answer will come to that one anyway. I just think of those who went before me and how they did it. Hopefully it doesn’t come to that and I can beat it, whatever “it” is.

God, help me to know what to do now, to be the best man to Annso, strong and optimistic, someone she can rely on and knows what to do, the one who may not know, but knows who to trust. I pray for strength. I pray for healing, for a miracle, for different results on tomorrow’s test. For there to even be a mistake somehow. Thank you for getting Annso in here today. That was a miracle. I pray she gets in tomorrow, too. I pray for supernatural strength for her, too. What will happen to us? To me? To Will? Tomorrow will worry about itself. Amen. 

Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down.” (Proverbs 12:25)