Category Archives: Friendship

A Mentor’s Methods

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The TeacherSince I’ll be traveling for a few days, I’m re-posting 3 blogs about mentoring and what a good mentor looks like. Here’s the first:

Mentoring programs are big nowadays, but they’ve existed since ancient times. Elijah mentored Elisha. Moses mentored Joshua. Elizabeth mentored Mary. Paul mentored Timothy. And of course Jesus mentored his 12 disciples.

I’ve had several impactful mentors through the years, my parents among them. But the one who walked me through my adolescent immaturities and stuck with me until I was 60 was my Aunt Joyce (married to Dad’s brother). She let me live with her family three different summers in the 1960’s, gently counseling, instructing, and chiding me as needed.

My respect for her grew as I got older, taking on more common characteristics with her: marriage, motherhood, and other adult ups and downs. Aunt Joyce never preached. Instead she coaxed me into new ways of thinking for myself. She shared examples from her own life and was careful to include failures as well as successes. The fact that she would disclose her personal struggles to me always felt like a gift.

Aunt Joyce, 1Aunt Joyce never labeled herself a mentor, and it wasn’t until we’d been “working together” for years that I realized I was her mentoree. She had others, too, and in her later years complete strangers approached her through church contacts, requesting mentoring. She never turned them away and viewed each relationship as a holy privilege.

One of the reasons Aunt Joyce was effective was that she didn’t say, “You should… do this or that.” Instead she’d say, “Here’s something you might want to try,” or “This approach worked for me in similar circumstances.” She made it seem like the two of us were in it together. And if my steady stream of questions and needs drained her, she never let on.

Of course the ultimate mentor is God, and he’s willing to partner with any of us desiring to be his mentorees. As with all good mentors, though, he leaves it up to us to take advantage of it.

Adam and Eve had it made with their daily mentoring sessions with him in the cool of each Eden evening. But despite their Mentor’s flawless advice, they only agreed with 90% of it. The 10% they tossed aside made a radical difference in their quality of life. We can contradict what our mentors tell us, ignore their counsel, or follow their advice and watch our lives change for the better.

Aunt Joyce lived a long, fruitful life and was a valuable mentor for one reason: her advice was always right-on. That’s because it came down to her from the Lord, which then allowed her to give her opinion with confidence.

I’ve tried to follow Aunt Joyce’s example in lots of ways, but the One she most hoped I would emulate was God himself, the ultimate in Mentors.

“One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts.” (Psalm 145:4)

Eager Students

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It sounds like ancient history now, but back in 1952 I was enjoying 2nd grade to the max at our local grade school. Each day Mary and I walked across a field to get there and then walked home again for lunch.  My teacher, Mrs. Kludy, was a classic schoolmarm who loved her students but ran a tight ship.

Mrs. KludyI remember the day Mom came to school and explained to Mrs. Kludy and my classmates that I was going to be gone for 2 long weeks. After multiple sore throats, I was scheduled for a tonsillectomy, the preferred treatment at the time.

I loved everything about school, and saying goodbye that day was hard. Not only would I fall behind in my work, but I’d be away from my school chums.

The surgery and early days of recuperation went fine, but I was near tears looking out my bedroom windows watching friends play in the school yard during recess. I longed to be with them, working and playing in our usual routine.

Mom brought comfort in the form of ice cream and Jell-O, but all I wanted was to walk across that field and back into Mrs. Kludy’s room. When I asked Mom if I could go, she said, “Not for another week.”

But I couldn’t wait that long. The next day while Mom was driving Dad to his commuter train, I put on a dress and walked across the field to school, strolling into my room like I’d never been gone.

It felt good to receive the welcome of a room full of 7-year-olds…. until Mrs. Kludy appeared. She walked straight up to me and said, “Margaret, did you check-in with the nurse?”

My heart sank. Both of us knew it was going to be bad news. When the nurse asked to look down my throat, I knew I was on my way home.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we were always that enthusiastic about getting into God’s classroom? Opportunities abound with churches on every corner and Bible studies available every day of the week. There are weekend retreats, mission trips, and family camps. We can listen to sermons online, read good books, and attend small groups. And the fellowship is top notch. Yet we often opt out anyway. And sometimes even when we participate, our thoughts are a million miles away.

I suppose the only way to be eager about God’s school is to have a strong want-to. And that probably doesn’t come without first feeling the need. So when we’re confused, depleted, or suffering, we should view those negatives as positive prompts that will motivate us to get back in school.

At 7And thankfully, God won’t ever send us away, even if we’ve just had a tonsillectomy.

 “Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.” (Psalm 25:4-5)

Snow Angels

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Remembering back to my first winter as a widow, 5 years ago:

Snowy bushesAs we watched a picture-perfect snowstorm out the window today, I was reminded of the snow-related care Nate put into action for our family. Before our teenage kids would drive away in a storm, he’d always check to be sure they had a snow scraper/brush in their cars, often brushing them off before they got out there. He would always clean my car off, and if his schedule allowed, would volunteer to drive me wherever I needed to go, if a storm was in progress.

Our extra-long driveway was a bear to shovel, but he did more than his share, and if he was short on time, he’d still shovel a path to each car door. He was faithful to check the windshield wiper fluid in the cars and to add more if needed.

We began thinking about buying a snow blower after shoveling that long driveway for 15 years. When a neighbor died and his widow offered to sell us his blower, Nate took her up on it. “But,” she said, “I’ll need someone to clear my driveway, too.”

That winter Nate began blowing snow off her driveway after every storm. He always did hers before ours, sometimes in his business suit and dress coat in the pre-dawn hours of a frigid weekday morning. Often he’d get hers finished but didn’t have time for ours, slipping and sliding away in his sedan on a rush to the commuter train.

I often think of Nate’s willingness to help this widow. Despite the major inconvenience of keeping her driveway clear, he never once complained about doing it. Since our neighbor had no one else to help her, he felt it was his duty to do so. The Bible says a great deal about widows, and God makes it clear he’s pleased with those who help them.

God was watching Nate blow the equivalent of mountains of snow off our friend’s driveway over the years, but I don’t believe Nate was ever aware of divine approval on those icy mornings. He was simply doing the right thing, which of course is often the hard thing.

Snow-pro neighborNow I find I’m the widow needing help. When the first big snowfall arrived, I was rummaging around in the basement for a snow shovel when I heard the delightful roar of a snow blower. Running upstairs, I saw our next-door-neighbor Bob, pink-cheeked and dodging clouds of flying snow, clearing off the driveway. When I ran outside to express my enthusiasm, he smiled and said, “Well, those of us with blowers should help those who don’t have them.”

I’ll never forget the rush of feelings that came to me then. I flashed back to Nate’s faithful work on our neighbor’s driveway, coupled with deep gratitude for my current neighbor and his cheerful willingness to help the widow next door.

”Who may enter your presence on your holy hill? Those who… do what is right… Those who refuse to… harm their neighbors… and those who keep their promises, even when it hurts.” (Psalm 15:1-4, TLB)