Don’t be a sissy.

Back in 2004, I was sitting at the small kitchen table in Mom’s retirement apartment when she put a cookie in front of me, along with a cup of Sanka coffee. “Here,” she said. “Have a napkin, too.”

She handed me a luncheon-size napkin with a cartoon and a pithy saying on it. Two old ladies were sitting together on a park bench, and one was saying to the other, “Old age isn’t for sissies.”

Old Age

I chuckled and said, “Cute, Mom. Where’d you get these?”

“I bought ‘em myself, because that’s how it is.” She was 91 at the time and I was 58 – clearly a generation gap.

Now that I’m a dozen years closer to 91, I’m starting to appreciate Mom’s napkin philosophy. Some might say youth is wasted on the young, but the truth is, only the elderly have gained the courage and stamina to deal with old age.

IMG_5759Growing old gracefully is full of daunting challenges. Nothing but a lifetime in the School of Hard Knocks can prepare us to cope with the surprises that come as the years pile up.

The same is true in our Christian lives. God compares spiritual youth to physical babyhood. A diet of biblical milk is all we can digest, and anything else would be like trying to feed steak to a newborn.

Much later, as we accumulate more years of walking with God, we develop some spiritual teeth and begin tentatively sinking them into the harder parts of life. We learn to swallow small bits of biblical meat and receive nourishment enough to weather hardship.

Whether it’s physical or spiritual maturity, it takes time and experience to do life well. And when we’ve passed threescore and ten, living through the years after that requires spiritual muscle that can only come by eating the right diet… with or without a philosophical napkin.

“Do not be children in your thinking. Be infants in evil, but in your thinking be mature.” (1 Corinthians 14:20)

What’s happening with Mary?

Rosehill..It’s been 7 months since I last shared an update on my sister Mary and how she’s coping with her pancreatic cancer. With great joy I can say she’s still her same vibrant self, very much “in the thick of things” with family, friends, and ministries. But since readers are asking, here’s the latest.

She said, “Be sure to tell your readers that my blessings outnumber my difficulties, and that God surprises me with his tender care every single day.”

Mary is a realist and freely talks about her cancer and what it’s doing to her. The bouts of fever, nausea, and weakness aren’t the result of having a flu or of not eating properly. She acknowledges that they’re simply the calling cards of cancer. But she’s quick to say she feels tremendous gratitude for each new day God gives her.

Even as she’s thinking realistically about her Stage 4 cancer, she’s remaining future-focused. For example, she’s learning how to use the many features of her new smart phone. And she’s redecorating their Michigan home. And she has scheduled a date for cataract surgery. “I may be gone by then,” she says with a smile, “but I might as well try for better vision.”

Those of us who don’t have a life-threatening disease don’t know how it feels to have a doctor tell you, “We can’t do anything more for you.” Surely it’s tempting to become fearful or to panic, but Mary has refused to indulge in negativity. Actually, just the opposite is true – she keeps a running list entitled “The Benefits of Pancreatic Cancer” in a small 3-ring notebook.

Rosehill

On Memorial Day, our extended family made our annual visit to Chicago’s Rosehill Cemetery. After a discussion of the holiday, a couple of family quizzes, and a time of sharing, Mary’s grown daughter Julia said, “I’m just glad you’re still here, Mom. You’re such a good example to all of us, the way you’re handling this.”

Rosehill.That’s when Mary, moved by the Spirit, spoke some powerful words. “Lots of people tell me that,” she said, “but it isn’t really me doing anything special. It’s God inside of me just doing everything he said he would do, supplying supernatural peace in the middle of my cancer. He’s teaching me to trust him more and more and reassuring me that he’ll never leave me, no matter what.”

Mary doesn’t know what the future holds but knows Who has her future in his hands. And that’s good enough for her.

She’s appreciative of your prayers and has asked us to pray for her upcoming doctor’s appointment on July 19. No scans are scheduled, but she’ll have blood tests and will decide then whether or not to “sign off” with her doctor, since no further treatment is recommended.

Her other request is that we pray for weight gain. Though she’s eating well, her weight continues to drop, a result of the inefficient digestion common to cancer patients.

We’ll update you again a few days after Mary’s doctor visit – and maybe then she’ll even tell us what’s on her “Benefits” list.

“I will trust and not be afraid, for the Lord God is my strength and my song.” (Isaiah 22:12)

Am I understood?

About a year ago I witnessed something grand in the heavens. Jack and I were on our usual late-night stroll when the clouds broke to reveal a gorgeous full moon. But what caused me to stop and stare was the magnificent rainbow around it!

Rainbowed moonStumbling around the block with my eyes riveted on the sky, I figured the whole world must be watching this incredible phenomenon. As soon as we got home, I turned on my computer, certain that the rainbow-moon would be front-and-center on the news with pictures to prove it. But to my surprise, there wasn’t a mention.

Was I the only one who’d witnessed it? Several days later I got my answer.

Rainbows began appearing around the moon every night, and not just that. They began showing up around porch lights, headlights, and street lights, too. That’s when I realized, “These aren’t God’s wonders at all!”

Having heard friends talk about rainbows around lights, especially at night, I finally knew my rainbow-moon hadn’t been real. It only existed because my deteriorating eyes had created it, and…. I was on my way to cataracts.

Weeks passed, and my light show grew more dazzling. Sparkling white stars began competing for space with the rainbows. No star-of-the-magi could have been more beautiful, but when it came to night driving, I was in trouble.

I tried to describe the problem to people who’d never seen what I was seeing, but they would only raise their eyebrows and say, “Really? That’s weird.” Others would simply change the subject.

Talking to a cataract-person who shared my light-show phenomenon was much more satisfying. They understood, and their own stories matched mine. Together we could chat openly about our limitations and what could be done about them.

It’s always a huge relief to be thoroughly understood. Yet often, when we attempt to explain ourselves, we get thoroughly misunderstood. This can be the cause of problems that should never have to be — especially in relationships.

Wouldn’t it be nice to be accurately understood every time? There is Someone who does this well. God is a champion listener, and each time we go to him explaining our sorrow, fear, anger, frustration, or confusion, it’s ok to picture him nodding, with his hand on our shoulder saying, “I hear you, and I completely understand.”

No raised brows. No change of subject. No conversational confusion. Even if we can’t voice what we’re really feeling or sort it out in our own minds, God is able to fill in the missing details, put all of it in order, and understand our deepest longings. More than that, he knows exactly what to do next and will lead us to practical help.

Cataract surgeryThrough a cataract-friend at church, God led me to a competent eye doctor, who performed flawless surgery on my cataract-eye. And it’s a blessing to drive safely again…. even though I do miss that beautiful rainbow-moon.

“Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath.” (Psalm 116:2)