The minute Nate and I learned of his cancer diagnosis, I wanted to talk to Mom, but she died in 2005. I knew she would have delivered wise counsel as our feet left the edge of the cliff we’d just been pushed from. She didn’t mince words or say flowery things that would perfume over the truth. And at that moment, I wanted the truth, raw as it might be. I craved her empathy and wanted to ask what I should do next.
As Nate and I sat looking out the van windshield on our drive back to Michigan that day, stunned by what we’d just heard, I needed someone who’d already traveled through hardship to come alongside and whisper wisdom into my ear. The unsatisfied longing to talk to Mom popped up again and again during the six tumultuous weeks of Nate’s illness. Oh how I yearned for her advice, her leveling. But as the old proverb says, “Wishing doesn’t make it so.”
Today, however, I heard from Mom. It happened in a most unlikely way, and I view it as God’s gentle plan to fill up the pothole of longing in my heart.
A friend from childhood named Al who often comments on my blog, mentioned the close relationship our two mothers had had. These women raised their children together so closely, the kids grew up thinking they were all cousins. When Al’s father died, his mother, Ione, received a long letter from my mother, written four days after the death. The letter was meaningful enough to save for 43 years and was re-read again and again.
Today both of those women are gone, but the letter isn’t. Al thought it would hearten me now, in my new life-assignment without Nate, so he mailed me a copy. When I opened his envelope this morning, the first thing I saw was Mom’s familiar handwriting on four pages of stationary. That alone made me smile.
I set aside the letter for a quiet moment later on, eventually sitting down with a mug of cranberry tea and an eagerness to hear from Mom. I read it twice, thinking of the sweet relationship between these two women. Then it occurred to me that since I believe God put the letter into my hands to help me, too, I would read it one more time as if Mom had written it directly to me, a new widow just like Ione had been. And from the letter, here is the gist of her counsel after she began with, “Dear, always-brave [Margaret]” :
- Think back at least three generations and count your blessings. Thank God for “stoic, loyal, living examples of the Scriptures – steadfast, immoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord. Bless the memory of those who lived long, long ago.”
- Cherish your women friends. Receive their comfort. They are “…golden threads of friendship which, through the years, have knit [you] together in a near-holy bond of fellowship. Who would have dreamed [your] socializing could have become such a blessing?”
- Never doubt that God took [Nate] home for important reasons. “Perhaps the bodily affliction that laid him aside was for his grooming in the hand of God.”
- Be grateful for the family you still have on this earth, even though your husband, the family leader, is gone. And remember with fondness that Nate loved each family member and the warm home you made for him. “A man could ask for no more, earth-wise.”
- “The greatest of your blessings is – as you well know – the presence of Christ in your lives and your home. Herein is Love.”
- As for [Nate], “he is very alive in the presence of the Lord… with the very Lord who gave him you, [Margaret], and the children [and grandchildren].”
- Now, “work harder than ever for the Lord, because of your [Nate]. I commend you to the God of all comfort.”
Only God could have orchestrated such a creative way to not only help me during a time of need and encourage me for weeks to come, but also to do it in a way that filled the longing in my heart to hear directly from Mom.
“‘All this,’ David said, ‘I have in writing from the hand of the Lord upon me, and he gave me understanding in all the details of the plan.’ David also said to Solomon, his son, ‘Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work … is finished.’” (1 Chronicles 28:19-20)
Your Mom vas an extra ordinary person, who wrote fantastic letters to many people, even to me,by the time a 15 year old disco kid!I still miss her a lot.
I miss Grandma J. Just imagine her and name together right now. Amazing.
Wow sorry I meant Nate. Her and Nate together! 🙂
Hi Margaret,
What a beautiful picture! The letter is great and the words of Scripture greater still!
We love you!
My eyes are full of tears Margaret after reading that letter. I loved your Mom and I miss my Mom so much. She was a godly woman and I can feel what that meant to you in some ways. God bless that godly wisdom to your heart. love and prayers Beth Jones
Hey Marnie,
Thanks so much for sharing. I especially liked this part of your moms letter:
“Think back at least three generations and count your blessings. Thank God for ‘stoic, loyal, living examples of the Scriptures – steadfast, immoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord.'”
My own [wonderful] grandpa always talked so fondly of Grandma J…& we, as kids, adored her too. I am thankful this morning for generations (in both our families) of moms,dads, grandparents, etc. who love the Lord and who have helped us to love Him more.
We love you!
Margaret – What a special gift for you at Christmastime! Don’t know why, but over the last few months, Nate’s illness and death have made me miss my parents so much! (I guess it reminded me of when my dad was sick.) I’ll bet your heart just jumped when you saw your mom’s handwriting again. What joy that you’ll be reunited with her again in heaven! Thanks again for your blog which has taught me many lessons and been a comfort also! Hugs!! – Cathy
Your Momma is still teaching us! I remember her calling me, and challenging me to “make sure all your grandkids (many) are living for the Lord; it’s your responsibility.” Today, as a new widow, myself, I have read her letter and have been taught, once again. Your shared letter has reminded me how important the old fashioned way of communicating, on paper, really is!
An amazing mother and an amazing God. Wow, we are blessed! Thanks, Marni, (and Fellows) for the wonderful visit with mom.
That letter was for me too…thanks for sharing. Just thinking of our mom’s together in the Lord’s presence is enough to encourage me today.
Tears flowed as I read your posting and thought of your precious, precious mom. What a blessing she was to you and all of us. Certainly, no other mother-figure made me feel so loved and utterly accepted. She delighted in each person she met and was so much fun to be with. I can hear her enthusiastic laugh as I write this. GREAT WOMAN
Hugs
What a blessing…and isn’t it a ‘warm-fuzzy’ comfort to know how very much our Heavenly Father cares about our EVERY need? He’s just ‘never-ending’ with His litle surprises to renew our faith, comfort us and bring JOY to our hearts. I would love to have known your mom…I had a grandma and a mom like that and had a similar experience after my mom died. I have a feeling you’re a LOT like your mom. Blessings-patzian
Oh Marni, To think that your Mom is still teaching all of us, but even more so how our Heavenly Father has ince agian met your need for this day. What a blessing your mom was to many whether she was Mom, Grandma, Mrs. Johnson or the lovable Aunt Pat. Love you keep writing we are learning so much.
I smiled at the picture of your Mom! What a blessing to receive the letter from her. Her words were an encouragement to me today too! God is so faithful!
Your mom was and always will be one of my all time favorites. I was lucky to grow up across the street and witness your mothers wit and wisdom in Bethany Beach during the summer. Just thinking of her makes me smile with her great sense of humor. She would always ask me personal questions but in a way that you wanted to answer. Your mothers love of God and family comes thru in your writing.
You are blessed to have such a wonderful mom and husband. Their spirits will always be with you.
One of the many ways your Mom mentored us was her knack to keep everything and find uses for it all. What another encouragement to us through her, not only to keep on saving momemtos, but to keep on taking the time to encourage others in written ways. Just like our Heavenly Father, whose Words continue to teach and encourage us every day.
Your mom was so prescious and I will
always treasure her as a teacher and
friend. Her letter to me was one of
comfort and encouragement when my own
mom died. Once again she provided words
of wisdom to us and you, her prescious
daughter.
Margaret – Isn’t God’s timing in mail delivery so perfect!! Thanks for sharing your mom’s picture – and her words of wisdom.
Oh, Margaret, what a precious gift your mother’s letter is to you…and now to all of us. No doubt that God led her 43 years ago, that as she wrote to someone else she was really writing to you, her own daughter, words of comfort, hope and strength. That is mind boggling to me! It almost seems that your Mom knew you needed her and asked God to bring that old letter back to life and send it to you.
I, too, loved your mother so very much. She accepted me into her big heart and allowed me to call her “Mother Evelyn.” It was always a joy to be with her and we had many special times together, even near the end of her life. She continues to teach us from beyond the grave with her practical words of wisdom and godly truth…what a treasure.
Your Mother’s letter brought tears to my eyes. When my Dad died so many years ago your Mom and Dad were the first at our door to provide comfort and help. Although my Mom died in 1969 there are still times when I feel her near me and the need to talk to her.
Wow, what an amazing way God encouraged you. I lost my husband to pancreatic cancer one month ago and I was blessed by hearing your programs on Revive Our Hearts just two days after his memorial service. God is truly using the comfort you received from Him and your mom to comfort me.