Do we decorate for Christmas this year? I’m not sure. Decking the halls doesn’t seem appropriate, because bringing out brightly colored ornaments doesn’t fit well with grieving.
Yet I see the lights of the season and find them comforting. How many Decembers have Nate and I sat near the Christmas tree late at night, talking in the warm glow of the colored lights? I can feel his arm around me even now as I remember, and can almost taste the spiced tea we used to drink with our stocking feet up on the coffee table at the end of a busy day.
Now I’m someplace new for the holidays, a different house with a different living room, and no specific spot where the Christmas tree “always goes.” Before we moved earlier in the year, we annually committed decorations gluttony. Our small cottage couldn’t handle it all, so I gave away half. Now I look at the 13 boxes left and realize their presence in the house is creating a dilemma.
While running errands yesterday, I pulled into a nursery displaying 100 Christmas trees set in neat rows. As I stood in the middle of that man-made pine forest, I couldn’t muster up even a smidgen of Christmas spirit. But this afternoon a realtor friend stopped by to see how I was doing. During our conversation he mentioned a neighbor of his, “out in the country,” who sells Christmas trees. “You have to cut your own, but if you choose an imperfect one, she’ll discount the price.” Should we buy one?
As one of my widow friends counseled, “Many times in the next weeks you’ll come to a decision point. Ask yourself, ‘What would Nate do?’ It’ll help you decide.” We’ve already experienced this. After Nate died, our seven children and two in-law kids gathered to ask, “What happens next?” It was a question with several answers due to our recent move. Which town? Which cemetery? Which funeral home? Or a church? A memorial service? A funeral? A private or public burial? During the discussion, every question was quickly answered by asking another one: “What would Papa want?” The rest was easy.
So here we are at the holidays with a new set of questions, and God keeps bringing to mind one particular Bible story. King David’s baby boy was terminally ill, and he couldn’t help his little guy, despite having power and riches. David was beside himself with grief. He wouldn’t eat or bathe, wouldn’t change his clothes or leave the house, slept on the ground, wept continually and begged God to let his baby get well. But the baby died.
Afterward, David accepted the death as God’s will, knowing his son was healed after he died. The king got up, washed, ate and was emotionally strengthened enough to comfort others who were still mourning. I think God put this story into my head to remind me again that just like David’s child, it was God’s will Nate not recover from the cancer, and it was his will he go to heaven to receive his healing. The Lord has also reminded me of the many blessings surrounding Nate’s life and even his death. The cancer concluded in a way we wouldn’t have chosen, but because we continually committed Nate to God’s care and keeping, we know God’s choice, which was Nate’s death, was for the best.
So, about the decorations, we don’t even need to ask, “What would Nate do?” We’ll simply rejoice in the birth of Christ, maybe more so this year than ever before. After all, he’s the One who opened heaven so Nate could enter in. And if decorations add joy to the season, then we will decorate.
“’Is the child dead?’ [David] asked. ‘Yes,’ they replied, ‘he is dead.’ David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate. ‘While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again’?” (2 Samuel 12:20, 22-23)
“On those living in the land of the shadow of death, a light has dawned… For to us a child is born, to us a Son is given. He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” (Isaiah 9:2, 6)
You are so right! Let the lights shine for Nate and everyone who need to be enlightened! I recognize that old Christmas card from some years back! Reading your blog at breakfast as usual. Thank you!
It was exactly the same for me. I physicallly could not bring myself t0 put up the tree, but one friend came, and we struggled together to get it put up straight. Then a whole family that was close to us came in to do the actual decorating and to put up lights outside. I’ll be forever grateful. They gave Christmas to us that year.
You probably don’t realize how often I ask myself, “What would Margaret do?” when facing a parenting dilemma. You are not in heaven yet, but you are not nearby either. All those questions shouted to you over the noise of the waves and voices at the beach, which you so patiently answered, still guide me today…just as these words you post do. Thanks for being a light on the path. I am forever grateful!
And I have every one of your picture Christmas cards! Thank you for your faithfulness to your savior and for you light in this dark world. He will sustain you minute by minute.
About the Christmas decorations….what would Nate want you to do, Margaret? He would want you to do whatever brings you joy and peace….a Christmas tree (whatever size will fit into the cottage), colored lights, clear lights, carols playing, a fire in the fireplace, the spiced tea, nuts, candy, fruitcake, evergreen garland with its fragrance, gifts, etc.. All the things that were meaningful to Nate at Christmastime may comfort you and bring his presence near. This first Christmas without him will be very hard and painful to go through. But it is the next thing for you to do, and so you must. As your sadness and tears flow, so do our prayers and love for you.