Toward the end of summertime a year ago, I had just finished unpacking after our move to Michigan that June. Because of Nate’s painful back, most of the shoving, rearranging and emptying of boxes had fallen to me, but we were both so pleased to be in our new peaceful setting with a smaller house that the work had been a joy.
By the end of that summer, we’d settled in and were looking toward Nate’s back surgery in September. He was working as much as his pain permitted, and I had an empty calendar, an enormous blessing after having been swamped with seven children and unnumbered volunteer commitments for the better part of our marriage.
That August (2009), my journal read: “The calendar squares of past years have had so much writing on them that some had to have flaps of paper taped on them because everything happening that day couldn’t be written tiny enough to fit on one square.”
In our new situation, I didn’t look at my calendar for days at a time, a true luxury. Life was becoming manageable: “Last week was the very last giant garbage pile in front of our cottage. This week we have only one big can and nothing standing next to it for the first time. So here I am, ready for a new phase of life.”
I had no inkling my “new phase” would be nursing a terminally ill husband, followed by getting used to life without him. At the end of that same entry I wrote a prayer: “I wait at your feet, Lord, for instructions, opportunities, your revealing of the path I’m to walk. Whatever it is, it’s all up to you. I want only to hear you clearly and make the choices that are within your will. Open my hearing to know for sure.”
I only had to wait a few days to “know for sure.” And there certainly was no ambiguity about “the path I was to walk.” But like countless other people thrown into crisis, every move we made, every decision weighed, every hour spent was with a desire to just get through it. There wasn’t time to think any more deeply than that.
But that’s the thing about following God’s lead. He’s done the thinking for us. He’s made the plans. He’s inspected the future. And according to what he’s seen there, he shows us the best way to go. We can either follow or go off on our own. It isn’t that we can’t think for ourselves or use the brain God gave us. It’s that the very best thinking we can ever do is incomplete and therefore not as good as God’s.
When my “new phase of life” arrived, it was something I never would have chosen. But God ordered my path, and so here I stand, gradually adjusting to being without Nate. It’s probably time for me to pray that same prayer again: “What’s next, Lord? What are your instructions? Your opportunities?”
The future looms, and God has already thought through my best options. Without doubt, he has important plans for me, and I intend to follow his lead.
“When you received the word of God… you accepted it not as the word of men, but as it actually is, the word of God, which is at work in you who believe.” (1 Thessalonians 2:13)
These are wonderfully encouraging thoughts, Margaret. God has done the best possible thinking in ordering the details of our life. We need to follow Him with all our energy, heart and mind.
Absolutely beautiful. A prayer I really needed right now. Your faith is very inspiring.
I guess we are blessed not knowing what’s ahead of us. We just have to follow…… And wish for the best.
You have a way of making faith clear and simple: our job is to choose to follow Jesus every day, no matter what circumstances He’s leading us through. You are proof that it’s possible to have peace and joy in Him, even if your worst fear comes true, and even in the grief that goes along with it. I love you, Mom. Counting down till Oct. 30!
What a wonderful sharing of brilliant inspirations from God to his daughter, Margaret. Ahead at some point much later on – Nate will welcome you as you, too, cross over to the pronised land. But for now – just do as you outlined – and refocus as you are doing – and Nate will be applauding from his vantage point. One reason we believe we will know each other is that in heaven we are promised no pain –
and if we will have bodies with no pain
we will also have bodies that are recognizable but eternal – no ability to decline in health or strength or the who of who we are in heaven. Part of who Nate was and is is the Nate who recognizes Margaret – God celebrates you as a couple and always will. You are his children. Nate now in heaven – you still on earth…..continuing on as God and Nate would want you to do. Bravely and with courage. Then at some point planned by God, you will see Nate and others you know who are already gone to heaven – and he words of this song will ring true:
Glory for Me
When all my labors and trials are o’er,
And I am safe on that beautiful shore,
Just to be near the dear Lord I adore,
Will through the ages be glory for me.
Refrain:
Oh, that will be glory for me,
Glory for me, glory for me,
When by His grace I shall look on His face,
That will be glory, be glory for me.
When, by the gift of His infinite grace,
I am accorded in heaven a place,
Just to be there and to look on His face,
Will through the ages be glory for me.
Friends will be there I have loved long ago;
Joy like a river around me will flow;
Yet just a smile from my Savior, I know,
Will through the ages be glory for me.
When We See Christ
Words and music by Esther Kerr Rusthoi
Oft times the day seems long, our trials hard to bear,
We’re tempted to complain, to murmur and despair;
But Christ will soon appear to catch His Bride away,
All tears forever over in God’s eternal day.
Refrain
It will be worth it all when we see Jesus,
Life’s trials will seem so small when we see Christ;
One gliimpse of His dear face all sorrow will erase,
So bravely run the race till we see Christ.
Sometimes the sky looks dark with not a ray of light,
We’re tossed and driven on , no human help in sight;
But there is one in heav’n who knows our deepest care,
Let Jesus solve your problem – just go to Him in pray’r.
Refrain
It will be worth it all when we see Jesus,
Life’s trials will seem so small when we see Christ;
One gliimpse of His dear face all sorrow will erase,
So bravely run the race till we see Christ.
Life’s day will soon be o’er, all storms forever past,
We’ll cross the great divide, to glory, safe at last;
We’ll share the joys of heav’n – a harp, a home, a crown,
The tempter will be banished, we’ll lay our burden down.
Refrain
It will be worth it all when we see Jesus,
Life’s trials will seem so small when we see Christ;
One gliimpse of His dear face all sorrow will erase,
So bravely run the race till we see Christ.
We love you Margaret and believe you can do this – and your children bless you, too.
Annie and Tom
352-327-7560
“Our best thinking” being so far from God’s is such a freeing thought! Our brains get so crowded with worrying, cramped bits of data and to even say out loud..”Lord, thank you that you have this not only figured out, but perfectly managed.” frees up some more space to move around in. We usually think that big moves and grand opportunities are for big and grand projects. It’s just like God to give us big thoughts right before He narrows our world down to a bedroom and one very sick person. And yet that may be the most important thing we ever do our whole lives, in God’s mind. I’m grateful you keep remembering what God was doing in all those moments when you were walking or crawling by faith. It gives fresh perspective to our own walk of faith, and keeps God at the center of circumstances where He could so easily be overlooked. Your life and words speak volumes to God’s goodness.