When Nelson died seven weeks ago, one of the gifts that came to his wife Ann Sophie was ownership of his journals. He journaled faithfully throughout his adult life, often working out problems with words on paper, committing them to God as he went along.

A few years ago he switched to journaling on his computer, and it’s these entries Ann Sophie and I have been looking at recently. Nelson never made his journal public, but as we’ve been reading them, we’re learning how he coped with his lung cancer diagnosis. How does it feel to be told you have Stage 4 cancer? How do you cope in the days and months that follow? How do you bear this heavy burden, day after day?

As Nelson tapped out his thoughts each morning, usually at around 5:00 AM, he wrote words that might help us all—should we ever hear a similar diagnosis while sitting in a doctor’s office. The entries are a combination of feelings, scriptures, and prayers.

In our recent blogs we posted Nelson’s thoughts from the day he heard he had cancer, and the day following that (5/10 & 5/12, 2022). Our plan is to back up into January, before cancer, and move through his his last year, posting entries every few days. Maybe he’ll show all of us how best to respond to the shocking news of lethal disease, and what to do next.

January 19, 2022

“Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O Lord! Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in the way. He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way. All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies. For your name’s sake, O Lord, pardon my guilt, for it is great. Who is the man who fears the Lord? Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose. His soul shall abide in well-being, and his offspring shall inherit the land. The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant.” (Psalm 25)

Lord, you have really done this for me. Seeing a domestic violence thing in the paper the other day reminded me of where I would be if you hadn’t stepped in and offered me a way out of drinking, and then offered me a way out of a bad relationship. It’s real.

You really do the things you promise in the Bible. Thank you for answering my prayers. I will bank on the promises in the verses above. You have forgotten the sins of my youth, taught me the way to go, pardoned my guilt even in sin after the start of the sober years. And now you have given me offspring.

To see them inherit the land would be amazing and a total miracle. Thank you for little Willard Nelson Nyman who is soon coming into the world. Thank you for what is in a name.

Thank you for Papa [Willard Nathan Nyman] and what he taught me and how in sharing my testimony with the grounds team at Denny’s, I was able to refer to his words about not making decisions only for money. I pray for integrity with money. I can see the temptation to want more than I need, but I do have a family now and don’t want to sell us short. Please show me how to lead them. I know you will.

Should we buy something in Michigan to prepare to move there, or just wait? You know the future, Lord, and know what will happen. I pray for wisdom to know what is wrong and what’s right.

“Who is the man who fears the Lord? Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose.” (Psalm 25:12)