January 5, 2009

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As a young mom I always fantasized about having twins. I would have given them matching names (Pam and Pat, Jennie and Jonnie) and dressed them in matching outfits every day. God didn’t put twins among my children but sent them one generation later, to Hans and Katy.

 

Today we celebrated the birthday of an unusual set of family twins, though, and it wasn’t Thomas and Evelyn. When Katy was pregnant with Nicholas, their first child, my niece Johanna was also pregnant. Interestingly, Hans and his cousin Jo have been pals since babyhood, both being born in 1982 and spending much childhood time together.

Their weddings took place several months apart, and when we learned they’d be having babies close together, too, it was like the frosting on the cake. Jo’s baby was due in December of 2008, Hans’ in January of 2009. But Jo’s Ruby came many days late, and Hans’ wife Katy delivered Nicholas many days early. Our cross-Atlantic twins arrived on the same day, nearly during the same hour.

I’ve enjoyed watching Ruby grow and change as a visual for what Nicholas was also doing, far away across five time zones. When I held Ruby, I thought about holding Nicholas, and it helped my missing his babyhood.

The cousin-twins turned two today, getting into the birthday excitement with vigor, as most two’s do. Although Nicholas won’t be able to celebrate with Ruby when they turn three, today they entertained us at their double-birthday bash, cooperating with every part of the day and smiling on cue in front of a bank of cameras. We marveled at their stamina and the absence of meltdowns, a happy day all around.

After their mellow behavior today, no one would guess they can both pull out all the stops with some classic tantrums. Just a few days ago Nicholas went to the wall over an insignificant issue, testing his parents to the limit. They didn’t cave (kudos) and kept their voices calm as they gently but firmly resisted his childish ploys. As he was carried upstairs, the supersonic noise level diminished, and Nelson and I looked at each other.

“What was that?” he said.

“Original sin.”

Just because these little ones are generally agreeable, it doesn’t mean the “evil in the human heart” isn’t lurking just beneath the surface. It’s present in every one of us and was the very reason Christ came to die. Watching a two year old fit of temper dispels the myth that human beings are basically good.

 

But it’s an oxymoron that just as they’re melting down, screaming and kicking, they’re irresistibly adorable with their pink cheeks and pudgy limbs. I think God made them that way so we’d give them the benefit of the doubt when things got questionable.

But today our cousin-twins were well-behaved. And I know they’ll look darling in the twin red hoodies that were among their gifts.

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9)

In his own words.

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While filing a document recently, my eye caught the corner of a paper with Nate’s writing on it. Naturally I pulled it from the file drawer to take a closer look.

It was a letter written by Nate to Nelson in 1996. The five page synopsis of his career is remarkably candid, touching on the business highs and lows of recent decades. Although Nate had never shared his personal financial data with his children or anyone else, on this occasion he laid everything out in full.

Nelson remembers receiving the original letter and being surprised at how much his father candidly shared. Nate wrote about a tortured period in his life, crediting an unbalanced love of money as the reason for his struggle, mentioning a bitterness that took root at that time.

Most men shy away from honest sharing, and Nate, too, had trouble being frank with peers. Below are parts of his letter (with Nelson’s permission). I share it because of its unusual openness and because I know if Nate came back to town with the heavenly perspective he now has, he’d eagerly tell these things to whoever would listen.

Although I won’t share the details he asked Nelson to “keep confidential,” here’s some of what he wrote:

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Nelson,

The text I constantly think of when I consider the role of the Christian man in American society is Hebrews 12:1 – “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud if witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”

Actually the entire 12th chapter of Hebrews is encouragement to live a godly, Christ-centered life in the world – a world of persecution, boredom, temptation, indifference, ridicule, ease, sloth and human needs. “Run the race marked out for us.”

In other words, God’s chosen path for us, not ours. We don’t always get our first choice in the things of this world – sometimes we think we would have chosen a different body, mind, era, parents, generally different circumstances. But Christ’s mission for Christian men is to live out in a godly way what He has selected for us. We are to do so in a way that honors Him. We are to live as an example of Christ to our families, churches and coworkers.

The man who knows Christ wants to live for Him, but as imperfect humans, we fall short. Sometimes we fail because of worldly success and at other times because of failure.

In my life I went through a period of intense striving for money and the recognition it brings in the U.S.A. [Here Nate detailed his finances and how well he was doing at earning.] Then my partner had a stroke. One year later, the Congress passed the Tax Reform Act of 1986. This law reduced the net revenue of my company by $1,000,000 a year, and by 1989 bankrupted me.

I was unhappy when I had money, because I always wanted more. When I lost it, I wanted it back. I was unhappy and became bitter.

[To be continued, two days hence…]

“Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income.” (Ecclesiastes 5:10)

Up to Down

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The girls and I went through a Jerry Seinfeld stage several years back, guffawing at his stand-up comedy and the DVDs of his shows. One of the jokes stuck with me, a clever commentary on children and parents:

 When you’re little, your life is up. The future is up. Everything you want is up.

“Wait up! Hold up! Shut up! Mom, I’ll clean up! Just let me stay…up!”

 Parents, of course, are just the opposite. Everything is down.

“Just calm down. Slow down. Come down here. Sit down. Put that… down!”

I would add one more “up” from a child’s point of view. “Everything I want to get my hands on is… up!”

Before my five grandchildren arrived in December, I babyproofed the house. But short of emptying rooms, I couldn’t hit 100%. I removed breakables and swallowable objects in every room from three feet and down but still heard, “What’s Evelyn chewing on? What’s Micah putting in his mouth?” We’ve removed barrettes, pieces of plastic, tiny bits of broken toys and blobs of sopped paper.

As the days passed, our toddlers became experts at extending their reach higher and higher. Not even the kitchen counters were a safe zone after they discovered a couple of plastic stools. Now the only out-of-reach spots are the mantle and the tops of bookcases, hutches and the refrigerator.

 Car keys, cell phones, ipods, DVDs, candles, phone chargers and other valuables have been heaped high in places we can barely reach. To the adults, it’s a slight inconvenience. To the children, it’s intense frustration. Their days are spent looking… up… and scheming ways to retrieve what looks so appealing from down-low.

The problem comes in having cross purposes. Our little ones judge themselves perfectly capable of properly handling the breakables while we know the truth, that their touch means death to valuables. Interestingly, when we provide substitutes, (toy phones or blank keys), they quickly learn the ploy and toss them aside.

Little children are to us what we are to God. When we look to him, it’s always “up”. He’s higher than we are in all categories, and his decisions to keep certain things out of our reach are always for our good. Just as our kids can’t understand why so many things have to be put up, we get frustrated when God doesn’t rescue us quickly or answer prayer our way. 

Unlike toddlers who whine and reach up indefinitely, I ought to acquiesce quickly and be willing to let the up’s stay up. Because when I’m gazing up with cravings, I’m missing what’s already come down from God, most significantly, Jesus himself. And one day he’ll come down again, triumphing over every evil. 

When the battles are over, a new heaven and earth will also come down. And when that happens, even the frsutrated toddlers will finally have everything they ever wanted.

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights.” (James 1:17)