Monthly Archives: June 2012

What should a mentor ask for?

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Friday’s blog post quoted what a good mentor might say through letters my Aunt Joyce had sent to me. Your response was delightfully enthusiastic, and over the weekend something lovely happened when I met up with her children at a wedding in Washington State. These California cousins handed me a green leather book with Aunt Joyce’s name embossed on the front. “You’ll enjoy looking at this,” they said.

At first I didn’t recognize the book with its pretty gold edges, but inside I saw it was from me, inscribed to Aunt Joyce for her 88th birthday. It was a devotional journal, and after each day’s entry, there was space for her written reflections. Aunt Joyce had written down her thoughts and prayers, giving me a glimpse of how a good mentor talks to God.

During the 4 hour plane ride home tonight, I immersed myself in what she wrote and was impacted by her honesty before her Lord, wondering if you readers might be impacted, too. Below are quotes from this journal, plucked with care so as not to reveal her secrets but to show all of us how a godly woman sees herself in relation to God:

  • Oh God, my trust is in you. I ask for deliverance from my feelings.
  • Lord, order my conduct, and take my burdens.
  • Remove my fear and anxiety. You said you would. I depend on that. Keep my mind stayed on Thee.
  • Rejoice exceedingly, Joyce!
  • God, if it’s not too late, I commit my cause to you. Help me do your way and will.
  • “…that you may be blameless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Wow! Me?
  • Lord, keep my attention on your side, not mine.
  • Lord, I need to be motivated by your love. I ask this by your Spirit. Thank you, right now.
  • Lord, open my eyes to see my enemy, which equals my captivity. Give me your equipment for fighting against captivity to sin. I want to conquer sin in my thoughts, attitudes, and actions.
  • I feel like I’m going through your refiner’s fire to purify my wickedness. I’ve had anger, stress, and frustration when I should have had hope!
  • Thank you for my Edward [husband of 62 years then]. I did not have sense enough myself to choose such quality.
  • God’s grace is like a sandwich. The top of the bun is what I deserve from Him. The filling is God’s grace. The bottom is what I receive from Him… life eternal.
  • I thank God for blessing received with no sorrow added.
  • I need someone greater, wiser, stronger and more powerful than I am. In Him I have everything.
  • Often God’s way up is down, but He’s there with us, too.
  • I became a new being today, started all over – forgiven, cleansed, powered by Him through the Holy Spirit. Praise to the Almighty, over and over! I’m so grateful.
  • To know Him is to love Him. I love you, Lord, and want to know you more.
  • I’m starting to understand what grace is, and what my comfort can be.
  • Stress and suffering shows me so clearly how very much I need Him, how hopeless and helpless I am without Him. I surrender all, dear Jesus, to you.

One of Aunt Joyce’s favorite verses, written out in her journal, is: “The Lord will perfect what concerns me.” (Psalm 138:8)

What should a mentor say?

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Yesterday I shared the blessing of a mentor whose steady help came to me mostly through letters written the old-fashioned way, with pen and paper. I saved every one and today have a treasure-trove of mentor-wisdom from which I continue to draw.

What follows here is the answer to the question, what should a good mentor say? The statements below are plucked from much longer letters, but they serve as a small sampling of tried and true wisdom funneled from God, through my Aunt Joyce, to the rest of us. Here’s some of what she wrote:

  • The Lord sandwiches blessings and joys between times of changing us, which get us ready to live with him for eternity. He wants every individual to become like him and is helping us with that.
  • The fruit of the Spirit is… peace. I thank God when I feel peace [during tough times], because then I know it can’t be from any source other than his Spirit.
  • Although God has put you in difficult circumstances, I’m praying your praise of him and thanksgiving to him will be renewed, even now, where you are.
  • God doesn’t promise to remove our grief or burdens, but he does promise to sustain us through them, even through the bewildering unknown.
  • God is especially watchful over old people and children, while he is teaching and growing the in-betweens.
  • I think financial burdens can be the utmost of tests. You could lose the home you’ve lovingly cared for and the beautiful gardens you’ve planted, and many other things difficult to surrender. You can weep, but be sure you do it after crawling under his soft, protective wings.
  • I know you are spending significant time with the One who has all the answers to our questions and the power to execute them in his perfect way. He has all we need, but so often we don’t even ask.
  • You may remember that I have been through and experienced the value of lessons learned from God’s loving hands, but I didn’t always recognize it as his love at the time.
  • I’m learning the difference between knowing the Word and knowing the Author of it. Feel free to knock on his door!
  • When we do the praying, God will do the rest. Don’t ever doubt that.
  • We are helpless to change anyone else. Only God can. Our part is to love them and pray for them. Simultaneously we should be asking God what he’s trying to teach us in that process. And then we should listen.
  • When we’re learning lessons in life, it’s never easy and often seems endless, but it helps to remember the Lord is on our side, listening to even our weakest cry.
  • Prayer doesn’t necessarily change our struggles, and it certainly doesn’t change God, but it does change us, when we pray.
  • Thank you, Margee, for letting me share my heart and for the privilege of having a part in yours.

“The Teacher was considered wise, and [she] taught the people everything [she] knew. [She] sought to find just the right words to express truths clearly.” (Ecclesiastes 12:9-10)

Life Wisdom

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Mentoring programs are big nowadays, but they’ve existed since ancient times. Elijah mentored Elisha. Moses mentored Joshua. Naomi mentored Ruth. Paul mentored Timothy. And of course Jesus mentored his 12 disciples.

I’ve had several impactful mentors through the years, my parents among them. But the one who walked me through my youthful immaturities and stuck with me until she died at 92 was Aunt Joyce (married to my Dad’s brother). She let me live with her family three different summers in the 1960’s, gently counseling, instructing, and (yes) chiding me as needed.

My respect for her grew as I aged and took on more common characteristics with her: marriage, motherhood, and other adult ups and downs. Aunt Joyce never preached. Instead she coaxed me into new ways of thinking for myself. She shared examples from her own life and was careful to include failures as well as successes. The fact that she would disclose her personal struggles to me always felt like a gift.

Aunt Joyce never labeled herself as a mentor, and it wasn’t until we’d been “working together” for years that I realized I was her mentoree. She had others, too, and in her later years complete strangers approached her through church contacts, requesting mentoring. She never turned them away and viewed each relationship as a holy privilege.

One of the reasons Aunt Joyce was an effective tutor was that she never said, “You should… do this or that.” Instead she’d say, “Here’s something you might want to try,” or “I found this approach worked for me in similar circumstances.” She made it seem like the two of us were in it together, a team, even equal at times, though I was always the one getting the benefits. But if my steady stream of questions and needs drained her, she never let on.

Of course the ultimate mentor is God, and he’s willing to partner with any of us desiring to be his mentorees. As with all good mentors, though, he leaves it up to us to take advantage of it.

Adam and Eve had it made with their daily mentoring sessions in the cool of each Eden evening. But despite their Mentor’s flawless guidance, they only agreed with 90% of it. The 10% they tossed aside made a radical difference in their quality of life. We can contradict what our mentors tell us, ignore their counsel, or follow their advice and watch our lives change for the better.

Aunt Joyce lived a long, fruitful life and was a valuable mentor for one reason: her advice was always right-on. That’s because it came down to her from her own mentor, God. Since he was her foundational source, she could give an opinion with confidence.

I tried to follow her example in lots of ways, but the one she most hoped I would emulate was looking to God as the ultimate Mentor… exactly like she did.

“One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts.” (Psalm 145:4)