Monthly Archives: April 2011

Inner Promptings

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Last week as I cleaned out a large, glass-front hutch, I needed to find new homes for over 50 pieces of decorative glass. The neighborhood consignment shop, a charity outlet and willing friends all factored into placing these items I loved but had no room to keep. But one piece went someplace special.

It was a glass purse [much like this picture but in cobalt blue], about 6″  high with clear glass handles. I’d noticed at our local bank that one of the tellers collects glass handbags and shares them with the rest of us by arranging them around her bank window.

I wondered if she would like my cobalt purse and decided to take it along on my next visit to the bank. I stuffed the glass purse into my leather one but then began having second thoughts. “What if her collection was given by a mother or grandmother and was based in sentimentality? What if she didn’t want any more purses? What if she said, ‘No thanks’? What if she wasn’t even at work that day?”

I didn’t know this woman personally and wasn’t sure how she’d respond. But after getting tired of my own negative back-and-forth, I decided to ditch my worries and give it to her, even if it turned out badly.

Waiting at her teller station surrounded by pretty purses, I felt self-conscious. Others were standing behind me, watching. When she finally came, I nudged my glass purse toward her and sheepishly said, “Is there room for one more?”

She gasped with delight and clapped her hands together, then threw them both  in the air. Picking  it up carefully as if it were an injured baby bird she said, “Oh my goodness! It’s absolutely gorgeous! Oh my word! Really? Oh dear! Thank you!”

On and on she lavished praise on my little offering and on me, and I felt like a kindergartener who’d just become student of the week. As I walked to the car, I thought back to my negative self-talk and felt ridiculous. How silly to have worried over her reaction.

Mary reminded me later of a quote from George Sweeting: “Never suppress a generous impulse.” I like that, because it’s a clean-cut way to make a quick decision without the stress of second-guessing. Besides, it’s a good way to live.

So what was behind my wishy-washy self-talk? The answer can only be self-focused pride. I was nervous about what she (and the others in line) would think of me. I was afraid of being embarrassed or rejected. And I wanted to be approved of, as a gift-giver.

God clearly states the dangers of prideful thinking:

  • Pride leads to disgrace…
  • Pride leads to conflict…
  • Pride goes before destruction…
  • Pride ends in humiliation… (Proverbs 11, 13, 16, 29)

Avoiding all of these is a good idea.

When I returned to the bank today, I used the drive-thru. “My” teller was managing the vacuum tubes, and when she saw me, she thanked me enthusiastically for the purse. By her kind response, she’s underscored a good rule to live by: never suppress a generous impulse.

 

“Something happened!”

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My oldest grandchild, Skylar, has a sparking personality backed by a strong will. Recently I got to spend a week with her and her family, catching up on her latest dreams and schemes. One thing she loves (along with every other two year old) is to join adults in whatever they’re doing, and I love having her assist me.

Ever since she was little, she’s “helped” me put on my make-up. As we approach the task, I’ve already removed the dangerous items from my zipped bag: a hair-cutting scissors, eyebrow pencil sharpener and nail clippers. Then, as I work to improve my old face, Skylar pretends to improve her flawless one.

The only questionable tool I’ve left in the bag is an eyebrow plucker, the kind with a scissors handle. Its “points” are flat, and I didn’t think Skylar could do any damage with it. Leave it to a two year old to prove me wrong.

While I was busy staring into a hand-size 10X magnifier mirror trying to put mascara on, Skylar hopped off her stool and wandered out of the room. In 20 seconds I heard a “Tszt” just before the power went out. Immediately Skylar’s alarmed voice came from the next room. “Something happened!”

We all came running, and there, sticking out of a wall outlet, was my scissor-shaped eyebrow tweezers. She’d plugged it into a socket and had experienced something new, an up-the-arm jolt like we’ve all known, unpleasant but not especially harmful.

Skylar ran to her daddy’s reassuring arms but never shed a tear, and I would have given anything to know her immediate thoughts. For a minute, however, our chatty Skylar was speechless.

I would never intentionally hurt one of my grandchildren, but this incident was probably my bad. There was an up-side, though. Skylar’s experiment taught her a few things:

  • Outlets are covered for good reasons.
  • Electrical shocks feel terrible.
  • My parents were protecting me when they told me, “No.”
  • I should obey my parents.
  • I’ll never do that again!

Experience is our best teacher, and Skylar’s new respect for electrical outlets will never dim. No damage was done (except to the blackened tips of my tweezers), and important lessons were learned.

Once in a while all of us have to be taught just like Skylar, through harsh experience. Scripture is full of wisdom we don’t heed as we toss it aside in favor of our own flawed ideas. So God steps back and lets us learn the hard way. Once we learn to internalize wisdom simply by listening, we spare ourselves and others unnumbered “jolts”.

If Skylar had simply believed her parents when they told her electrical outlets could hurt her, she would have avoided her unpleasant zap. Hopefully that potent lesson will serve to increase the validity of her folks’ advice from here on.

As for me, when I work with my traumatized tweezers, I’ll try to remember Skylar’s example, because I’d rather learn by listening than by a jolting.

“Josiah was eight years old when he became king… He did what was pleasing in the Lord’s sight and… did not turn away from doing what was right.” (2 Chronicles 34:1-2)

Good Advice

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If I were you, I’d…
I think you should…
You ought to…
You’d better consider…

Some people are always offering advice, whether solicited or not.

Nate never lectured that way, although he was always ready with an opinion if asked. I often went to him for counsel when I didn’t know what to do next. His head was regularly more level than mine, and I knew I could count on hearing ideas in a realm I hadn’t yet considered.

Recently a long-time friend sent me two letters written by Nate. He’d mailed them to her and her husband in 1986, and she knew I’d appreciate “hearing from Nate” now. These friends of ours were going through a financial squeeze much like we were at the time, and Nate had been touched by their plight.

The first letter’s purpose was to encourage them. He quotes Winston Churchill’s statement, “Never, never, never, never give in!” and refers to Roosevelt’s speech about trying valiantly rather than giving up without a fight. Nate wrote, “Tough as it is, it’s much better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all.”

In four handwritten pages, he gives only two short sentences of advice: 1) Keep your attitude up, and 2) call me if you want some free lawyer advice on your lawsuit.

It warmed me to see Nate’s large, loopy handwriting again, although I used to fuss at him for not writing more legibly. But better than the penmanship was his message. I remember those days well, dark with worry and full of complaint. Nate was not only frustrated with his career plunge but felt like a personal failure to his family, which included six children at the time. Yet somehow he came up with four pages of uplifting words for our friends.

None of us can say why life has to include massive failures and disappointments. Maybe it has to do with our asking God to make us more like Christ. That doesn’t come without suffering or pain, and hardship gives us that chance. Of course we can become angry about it, but that’s hardly fair if we’ve asked for exactly such opportunities.

Trials push us to Scripture and prayer, which brings us closer to God. Coming closer to God results in rubbing shoulders with Jesus, which in turn makes us more Christ-like. What begins as harmful can turn out well.

In Nate’s second letter, he relates the details of his own struggle. I sense that writing it out long hand somehow helped him. Our financial future was spinning like a tornado, and summarizing it on paper seemed to bring a measure of calm into his personal storm.

He ends with an invitation for these friends (who lived one state away) to come and visit us, writing out exact driving directions to our house. Although this couple now lives four states away, we are still “close”…

…close enough for them to know how much I would love receiving two letters from Nate.

“You are a letter from Christ… This “letter” is written not with pen and ink, but with the Spirit of the living God. It is carved not on tablets of stone, but on human hearts.” (2 Corinthians 3:3)