Monthly Archives: July 2010

July 22, 2008

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When our granddaughter Skylar first came to be as a tiny, almost invisible division of cells, she was God’s secret, just as every conception of life is, for a while. In this case, however, the Lord must have felt a certain eagerness to share his well-planned surprise with our daughter Linnea and her husband Adam.

This young couple’s sad history with infertility (www.KissYourMiracle.com“my story”), had left them pondering life without a family. They’d excitedly talked about having children from the time of their engagement, but after months of painful, expensive tests, doctors had told them natural conception was impossible. In the midst of their grief, they decided to pray for a miracle anyway and trust God with whatever happened, baby or no baby.

Eighteen months later, when Linnea began feeling poorly while teaching her high school English classes, she never  suspected a pregnancy. But as symptoms increased and she found herself falling into bed earlier and earlier each night, a light switched on inside Adam’s head.

After a home pregnancy test produced a positive, they decided it was probably a faulty test and went back to the store for a second one, a different brand. But that one was positive, too! Reluctant to believe it, they decided to see their doctor, who did a third test in his office, another positive! But it wasn’t until they saw their peanut-sized baby on an ultrasound screen that they succumbed to hysterical happiness and believed they were actually going to have a baby. Because of physical problems and the medical impossibility of becoming pregnant, no one could explain how it had happened.

But God……

…..had plans.

While Linnea was pregnant, I couldn’t help but ask, “Are you walking on egg shells, Honey? Aren’t you afraid to breathe?”

Her answer revealed a mature faith in the Creator of their child. “Mom, this baby is totally God’s, not ours. If he decided to take him or her right now, how could I object?”

Then, on a hot July night in Florida, eight days overdue, Skylar finally arrived. She was given the middle name Grace, because of God. And what an explosion of life she was! I flew south on the afternoon they came home from the hospital, eager to meet God’s amazing surprise package. But within 24 hours we were contemplating a trip to the emergency room for all her non-stop, fenzied screaming. This child had stamina beyond our imagining!

At the time, my podunk theory was that she was an active toddler locked in the powerless body of a newborn, frustrated and unable to expend her boundless energy in any way other than crying. As silly that that sounds, it has proven true. When she began sitting, crawling, walking, running and talking, she got happier and happier.

Today she turned two, and our sparkly Skylar never ceases to delight us all. We can’t imagine life without all the laughter and joy she’s brought along with her, nor can we ever forget that God, in a show of lavish grace, sent our Skylar Grace.

To this day, medical personnel and Skylar’s parents have no idea how she came to be. Everyone agreed, “It’s totally impossible.”

But God said…..

….. “Ya think?”

“She who was said to be barren is in her sixth month. For nothing is impossible with God.” (Luke 1:36b-37)

Return to Sender

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Each day as I gather my clipboard, pen, Bible and devotional book to have a conversation with God, I do something fun. I pick a card from my basket of mailed greetings as the “card of the day.” These are the messages people sent when Nate was ill, continuing after he died. Some are store-bought, some hand-made and some are regular letters. But the point of doing it is to make that person or family the subject of prayer.

I’ve grown to love this process, and although it seems I choose a card at random, I believe that as my hand hovers over the basket of several hundred greetings, God actually does the picking. He is thinking of specific people who need prayer exactly on that day, and those are the names on the card “I” pull.

As I re-read the card or letter someone sent last fall or winter, the words are a brand new blessing to me. But here’s the cool part. The sender’s own words become a springboard of prayer right back to them. In other words, the messages and Scripture verses they took the trouble to send to us are sent back to them by way of God’s throne room, returning to the sender with a fresh burst of supernatural power in the way of answered prayer.

At the end of that day’s prayer time, the card goes into a second basket. Once the first basket is empty (maybe by the end of this year), I’ll start all over, drawing each of the greetings again.

This is what I call a good time in prayer, and of course anyone can do it. In addition to being a little surprise package each day, it’s a surefire way not to forget anyone. I can’t explain how much I’ve enjoyed pulling the “card of the day.” And as I’ve studied just one each morning, thinking about what the sender(s) first wrote many months ago, I’ve been newly appreciative of every correspondent and each “good word.”

Today God chose a beautiful lavender card that came all the way from England. Hans’ wife Katy’s grandparents, Anne and Ken Mills, sent me a sympathy card shortly after Nate died. The words on the card, some printed and some hand-written, touched on these subjects: God’s peace, God’s promises, life everlasting, being released from suffering, going to be with Jesus after death, caring sympathetic people, hope in the Lord and reassurance of love. It was my delight to pray each of these topics over Anne and Ken today, a “return to sender” type of prayer.

God never fails to do abundantly more than we ask in prayer, and I believe he answers every request. This is even better than a 401K that receives matching funds by an employer.

And with such spectacular work on God’s part, I don’t want to miss picking a single card!

“[I] give thanks to God and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, praying always for you.” (Colossians 1:3)

New Widow Friends

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Although Nate and I were fans of public TV when we lived in the Chicago area, here in Michigan I’ve become a devotee of public radio instead. That’s a result of not being able to receive a television broadcast signal, along with being stubborn enough not to get cable. Whatever the reason, I’m thankful for NPR.

Today I listened to an interview of two widows who had both written about their experiences, one having been alone four years, the other 18 months. The show was entitled “The Daily Challenges Of Learning To Be A Widow.”

I knew the program was coming and had structured my day to listen, readying a pile of ironing beforehand. The minute these two ladies came on the air, although both were strangers to me, I felt an immediate kinship. Other widows called in with questions and comments, and my heart bonded with each one.

For example, one asked about wedding rings, how to know when it was time to take them off. The two writers gave opposite answers. One said she hadn’t taken them off yet and had actually begun wearing her husband’s ring, too. The other said she’d taken her rings off only one month after her husband’s death, because she wanted to look at her hand and be reminded of what had happened, rather than forget even for one instant.

These widows also discussed the question, “What is my new place in life?” The answers vary and only come with a great deal of introspective work and the painful passing of time. Unlike in a divorce, marriage had been most widows’ happy place to be.

They also tackled the question, “How much do I rearrange my life and how soon?” One call-in widow had to move out of her home immediately, because she kept thinking her husband might walk through the door he’d walked through so many times before. Of course she knew he wouldn’t, but the pain of forgetting then remembering was a roller coaster she chose not to ride.

Many widows have email addresses with their husband’s name in them. They have to ask, “Is it more helpful to delete his name or leave it as a comforting reminder of him?”

A younger widow talked of the stress of raising children alone. While that was being discussed, an older widow pointed out that having children, though taxing, forces a widow to stay in the mainstream, eating regular meals, structuring sleep and wake times, and attending happy childhood functions. An older widow often loses interest in cooking just to eat alone, and she might start keeping crazy hours.

At the conclusion of the program I felt better than I had at the start. It was encouraging to know women all over the world (245 million of them) are trying to build new lives without their mates, just like I am. And because the first Baby Boomers are moving through their sixties, there will be many more.

Although none of us widows have identical fact-sheets, our responses to widowhood are often shared. I’m sure there were sympathetic head-nods at the end of every radio wave today. And without even meeting each other, we became friends.

“The Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome… He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow.” (Deuteronomy 10:17,18)