Mom didn’t have anything specific against Nate, although she didn’t know him very well. Her objection to our sprint toward the altar had more to do with surprising her than upsetting her. My sister had had a year-long engagement, and in Mom’s opinion, that was the wisest way to approach marriage. A long engagement would let Nate get one more year of law school under his belt and would give her enough time to plan a wedding.

But in my opinion, she wasn’t considering our point of view with the stress of carrying on a long-distance relationship. To Nate and I it seemed impractical, unnecessary and painful to postpone being together.

Nate wasn’t discouraged and began making an effort to win Mom’s approval. As his Army commitment ended, he came to my house for a week’s visit, willingly placing himself under close parental scrutiny.

When he arrived, he presented Mom with a gift, a black and white Wedgwood china planter, big enough for a ten inch pot to fit inside, along with a stand to place it on. None of the other guys I’d dated through the years had ever brought such a beautiful gift to her, and she took note. Had he “researched” ahead of time to know how much she loved plants?

Nate began watching her and quickly offering to lift a heavy box or bring an item down from a high shelf. “Let me do that,” he’d say. And Mom noticed. He also did something else none of my other boyfriends had done. He hugged her. She began looking forward to those and once in a while initiated them herself.

Before long, she began to treat him differently, more like one of her own. She still had an issue with planning a wedding in several weeks, but slowly she stopped talking about a year-long engagement. We started negotiations for a workable date, and in the end agreed on Thanksgiving weekend.

Mom’s extra perk was that many of our relatives arrived early enough to share Thanksgiving dinner with us. Nate’s and my perk was having to wait only a couple of months longer than we’d originally planned.

The Lord wants us to honor our parents. Scripture says we’re to show respect for them, listen to their counsel and figure out ways to bring them joy. We’re also to avoid causing them grief and to bless them whenever possible. In approaching Mom as he had, Nate had followed God’s design for acting wisely. And it paid off, as obedience to the Lord always does.

The biggest surprise, however, wasn’t given to Nate. Mom gave it to me. One day she handed me a pretty gift-wrapped package and said, “This is something I bought for you many years ago. Finally the time is right to give it to you.”

Inside was a glittering, hobnail glass slipper.

“I was waiting until you found your prince charming. You’ve known for a long time Nate was the one, and I wasn’t so sure. But now I know it, too.”

It was a fairytale ending to what had been a distressing few weeks, and Mom was letting me know she thought Nate and I would live happily ever after.

“Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.” (Proverbs 1:8)

With sparkle on my left hand and a fiancée I loved, all was right with the world. That is, until I walked into Mom and Dad’s house, leading with my ring finger.

Of course they knew about Nate. They’d met him two years earlier when we were still in college, and they liked him. He was a serious young man who looked up to his elders, deferring to them in conversation and displaying impeccable manners. They knew he was in the military with plans to be a lawyer, which sounded responsible. He was even Swedish.

So what was the problem? When I came in that day rejoicing over my new engagement status, they were completely taken by surprise. I learned later that Nate had actually had a conversation with Dad about one day marrying me, asking if that would be OK. Dad had assented but must have interpreted the conversation as meaning one-distant-day.”

Although I’d quizzed Dad about how to choose a good mate, he had no idea how close we were to making that decision. I’d been living away from home and teaching school in Chicago, and Dad hadn’t watched our relationship heat up.

Now that we were engaged, questions flooded their minds, and Dad’s brow furrowed. I was frustrated with their less than enthusiastic response to my news, and of course Nate was far, far away, learning to crawl under rifle fire.

Finally Mom said, “Well, we’ll just look forward to getting to know Nate much better during your year of engagement.”

“What year?” I said. “We want to get married by September.”

“What?” Mom said, and now her brow was furrowed, too. “We could never pull a wedding together by then!”

Dad suggested we wait until after Nate graduated from law school two years hence. “What’s wrong with taking your time?” he said.

“I can find a teaching job near the law school, and everything will work out. We’re tired of the long-distance thing.”

Mom’s chocolate chip cookies and tea helped nurture negotiations along, and after a well-timed phone call from Ft. Riley, my parents were feeling better. Nate had told his own folks about our plans, and they had no objection. They did, however, make it clear they wouldn’t be contributing to our day-to-day support, if we rushed into marriage before graduation.

Deciding to marry is serious business. Marriage is God’s idea, and he wants people to choose mates wisely. His desire is that every marriage stick, one man for one woman for life. Our parents’ concern was based on their love for us and the hope we were choosing well. Both couples, married nearly 30 years then, thought we were rushing.

But Nate fixed everything. He came up with a plan that would smooth things over and ease Mom and Dad’s nervousness. It would also answer some of the prickly questions nagging at them.
I was sure it would bring us all together quickly.

(Tomorrow: The Marrying Kind, Part III.)

”Appreciate those who diligently labor among you, and have charge over you in the Lord and give you instruction… Esteem them very highly in love. Live in peace with one another.” (1 Thessalonians 5:12-13, parts)