Category Archives: Hearing from God

Still at work

Posted on by

When we arrived in the hospital conference room to receive the shocking news about Nate’s pancreatic cancer last Tuesday, Nate was dressed in a new grey business suit and the red tie I’d given him two weeks before. (Who knew Wal-Mart had such great looking ties?)

He’d spent the morning fighting for a client in court and had won the case. I thought he looked especially handsome as he stepped into the room. Standing up each time a new doctor entered to introduce himself, Nate reached out for seven hand shakes and gave seven greetings. He was in lawyer-mode and was definitely the catalyst in the room.

After three hours had passed and all the miserable facts were swirling in our brains, the head doctor said, “You’ve had a terrible afternoon, and I think that’s enough for today. We’ll meet again tomorrow and talk more then.”

Nate took out a Post-it note to write down the time and place, while I dabbed at my eyes with his handkerchief, already soaking wet. The meeting had officially ended, but the doctor had one more thing to say.

“All of us on your medical team had gone over your test records before today. Anticipating meeting you, I expected you would be… well… not in such good condition. Everything I saw in the data said that…. well… Actually, I just can’t believe you were at work today… and even in court.”

Nate, only half listening, took it as a compliment. I took it as a portend of difficult days coming quickly. We have traveled through six of those days so far, and I was right. Nate’s pain is escalating. His suits are in the closet. And the lawyer is not at work.

But God is at work, and he is working on our behalf. As we climbed into the car today, there, folded and tucked into the back of the driver’s seat, was a wad of bills. One hundred dollars. Someone knew of our many 180 mile round trips into Chicago from Michigan, and thoughtfully provided a couple of tanks of gas. God’s touch is in the details of our lives, and we feel him very close.

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.” (1 John 4:18, 16)

CANCER!

Posted on by

It’s been 5 days since we heard the dreadful news, and we are just beginning to come up for air.

In that first conversation with a doctor, in just a few excruciating minutes, Nate and I found ourselves tangled up in a snarl of horrifying words we did not expect: pancreatic cancer, inoperable, metastasized, stage 4, terminal.

“Stunned” does not explain our response. “Crushed” is better. “Devastated” is accurate.

The doctor was backed by six others in the room, all eyes fixed on us. When he paused to let us respond, I spoke first. Trying to will the words away, to banish them from the room, I said, “But we only came for surgery on his back! He doesn’t have any other symptoms! We don’t know anything about any of this!” As my voice got louder and began to crack, Nate reached for my hand.

We had known about his back pain and the stenosis, bulging disks, arthritis and spurs causing it. Having made the rounds to several doctors, we’d settled on “the best in the country” and signed up for spine surgery to take place on September 28… which is tomorrow. In Nate’s routine pre-op physical, multiple red flags popped up. Two short weeks after that, we were sitting in a hospital conference room surrounded by learned doctors, being assaulted with unwanted words.

Encouraging friends have responded. “Remember, this was not a surprise to God.”

And my heart has screamed, “BUT IT WAS TO US!”

Today, five days later, we are still reeling but are no longer screaming inside, at least not on this day. Our family is gathering. We all agree on how we want to spend our time. Love and support is pouring in from all directions, some quite unexpected and all exceedingly helpful and precious to us.

I plan to use this blog space to keep interested parties informed of Nate’s situation while the clock ticks and the days pass. As we begin putting one foot in front of the other to plod into this foreign land, we’ll let you know how things are going. Feel free to comment. And thank you so much for your kindnesses to us already. We’ve seen that our un-surprised God has traveled ahead of us and now stretches out his hand to say, “Over here now. Follow me. It’s all going to utterly amaze you, and I can’t wait to show you.” And so with tears streaming down our faces making it hard to see, we follow.

“May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you.” (2 Thessalonians 2:16)

As wise as a spider

Posted on by

Jack the dog and I take several walks every day, on opposite ends of a leash. This morning, something at ground level flashed and grabbed my attention. It was a large spider web stretched across the angle between a mail box post and the ground, glittering with dew drops.

While Jack sniffed the bushes, I studied the web. The spider was in residence, long legs emerging from a body the size of a pea. Crystal drops were her ready drink, and breakfast was being prepared, as she watched a mosquito struggle in the sticky strands.

As Jack and I resumed walking, an old proverb came to mind: “The spider takes hold with her hands and is in king’s palaces.” (Proverbs 30:28, KJV) This statement comes in a list of “four things that are little upon the earth but are exceedingly wise.” (verse 24)

A spider doesn’t need royal permission to come and go in the palace. Even if the king would rather not have her nearby, she’s there. Despite armed guards watching for intruders, the spider enjoys life with the king. She doesn’t request an audience or wait for permission. Though the throne room doors are bolted, she comes and goes at will.

Why does God label the spider “wise”? Maybe it’s because she’s willing to grapple with large obstacles, like the wall one thousand times bigger than she is. The verse notes that she “takes hold with her hands,” an interesting choice of words for a spider. I think it simply means she decides to do it. She grabs and reaches one tiny bit at a time until she conquers her massive obstacle. God has equipped her perfectly to defy gravity and walk straight to the top.

She also shows wisdom when she’s not intimidated by the king’s rank but does what God has programmed her to do. If she lives in a palace or a shack, it doesn’t matter to her.

The spider demonstrates still more wisdom in constructing her web so it will collect food and drink. If the web gets swept away, she begins to build another, without bemoaning the loss of the first.

I wonder if I could be wise, if I followed the spider’s example:

  1. to tackle giant obstacles one tiny step at a time without quitting;
  2. to believe God will equip me to do what he wants me to do;
  3. to make sure a person’s rank never determines how I act;
  4. to live contentedly with little or much;
  5. to make my home a place where loved ones find food, drink and security;
  6. to move forward, even if tragedy comes, without bemoaning the past.

A little spider seems like nothing more than a footnote in the world’s larger story. Yet she’s significant enough to rank a spot on God’s short list of things that are not just “wise” but “exceedingly wise.”

As Jack and I returned from our walk, we passed our neighborhood spider, resting comfortably while digesting her breakfast. Maybe she was pondering what tasty little something might come by for lunch. And wisely so.