Category Archives: Friendship

Arms Wide Open

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There’s no friend like an old friend. As the world is shrinking and people become more mobile, maintaining old friendships gets tougher. Hanging on requires a deliberate effort to stay in touch, and not just through social media. There’s nothing like putting your arms around a good buddy to nourish a friendship.

???????????????????????????????This weekend seven of us recharged some long term women-friendships. For 25 years we’ve worked to stay current with each other, but recently it’s become increasingly difficult. A decade ago we met monthly, rotating in and out of each other’s homes for evenings of conversation, laughter, and good food. These days, however, finding monthly dates has been impossible, partly because we’ve become grandmas with 43 grands between us.

When we finally do get together, though (this time after 7 months), something special happens. And we’ve just had a very special 24 hours. This was the first time we’ve been together since Mary’s cancer, and during our prayer time today, voices were catching and tears were falling.

Sunny friendshipsBut one of the reasons old friends stay friends is the absence of secrets. Looking around the table at breakfast this morning, it struck me that we seven know virtually everything about each other. We can ask any question and know we’ll get a thorough, honest answer. No subject is off limits, no games are being played. No one is trying to impress another, and there’s no one-up-man-ship.

ConnieThese are the friendships that mean the most to women, and I think to God, too. He wants us to set aside the goofy notion that we can hide something from him or keep him from knowing the whole truth about us. He’s hoping for transparency.

In the Gospels Jesus invites us into open friendship with him, offering to reveal his true self to us. After such a magnanimous offer, how can we refuse to “wrap our arms around him,” preferring arm’s length instead?

This weekend we began to understand that maybe the Lord wants us to view earthly friendships as a hint of what’s waiting for us in Paradise. One day we’ll have a camaraderie with Jesus that will far surpass even what we seven had this weekend. And it will satisfy our longing in an overwhelming way to finally be able to put our arms around Jesus, our true Friend.

5 of 7“I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:15)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Praise for a nourishing weekend with old friends, for sunny weather, and for feeling wonderful
  2. Pray for Monday’s chemo infusion. Mary said, “I know chemo is the right thing to do, but it’s a reminder of the difficult truth that I have cancer.”
  3. She said, “Pray I’ll find the right mental balance between denial (when I’m feeling good) and negativity (when I’m feeling nauseated).

The Choice

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PackageYou blog readers and many others have gifted Mary with everything from daily prayers to letters, greeting cards, flowers, books, cozy clothing items, two prayer shawls, health foods, and more. She’s made use of everything, gratefully wrapping herself in the blessings you’ve shared.

Recently we were talking about all this bounty and she told me (with exclamation points in her voice) how astounded she’s been at the way each gift has been perfectly matched to her need-of-the-moment. “Of course it’s God putting these things together like that,” she said, “but he’s using the generosity of friends to do it. It just amazes me.”

But I think Mary has something to do with it, too. Even in her debilitated condition, now with nausea plaguing her on top of fatigue, she’s making a conscious choice every day to embrace what people send. She could have chosen the opposite approach, thinking, “I don’t deserve these gifts. I’m just going to set them aside. Besides, I can’t read all the books, can’t absorb all the messages.”

Instead she has received each one eagerly, knowing it’s the Lord who’s behind the perfectly-timed arrival of every item. And she doesn’t want to miss anything he’s trying to say to her, through these gifts.

Jesus TodayAs we talked further, Mary gave me an example: “Somebody sent me Sarah Young’s new book, Jesus Today,” she said. During a discouraging moment I opened it to entry #9 and found God’s exact instruction of what I needed to do to lift my mood. Writing from a first-person point of view as if she was Jesus talking, Sarah wrote, ‘As you go through this day, you will encounter things that make you cringe, things that are wrong or ugly. […like cancer] Do not let them become your focus’.”

Mary went on to tell me how the devotional challenged her to “look the right way,” which is to look at Jesus. Ms. Young wrote, “You yearn for perfection, and I [Jesus] am the fulfillment of that deep longing. I am able to stay close to you as you walk through this sin-stained world. So look the right way – toward blessings, toward Me – and the Joy of My Presence will shine upon you.”

Mary marveled at God’s well timed delivery of personal encouragement that day, as he’s done over and over with the gifts she’s received. But when she said, “I want to choose to do that, to ‘look the right way’,” I had to smile. I’d say she’s been doing pretty well at that already.

“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy.” (Psalm 16:11)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Praise for sisters in “Club Chemo” who have come alongside with tips and encouragement 
  2. Praise that today was a day with minimal nausea; please pray that this will continue
  3. Pray for the strength to get through the 4 busy days ahead

Bible Study

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Back in the 1940’s when Mary and I were young, our mom, a Christian, would love to have studied the Bible with other women, but this kind of organization didn’t exist apart from adult Sunday school classes. These days, women have a plethora of weekday Bible studies from which to choose. Beginning in the 1950’s, organizations like Bible Study Fellowship and InterVarsity began springing up in response to women’s growing thirst for more of God’s Word.

Winnetka Covenant ChurchI remember well the first of these Bible studies I attended. It was 1978, and though it didn’t meet at my church, the point was simply to dig into God’s Word together (several hundred of us) without worrying about different denominations. Mom lived directly across the street from that church and invited Mary and I to sign up for the study, offering to care for our babies while we attended.

Those several years were the beginning of “habitual” Bible study for Mary and me. By that I mean we learned so much, we couldn’t wait to begin each next session and dove into our weekly homework with gusto. After we’d been through all the lessons offered by that group, we moved to another one and studied further, making good friends along the way.

Fast-forward to yesterday. Mary experienced something she described as “so wonderful I could hardly stand it!” She had the deep satisfaction of returning to a Bible study group she’d been part of for 25 years, though not the last two.

This particular branch of Community Bible Study has over 300 weekly attendees, and Mary began attending in the 1980’s. After being a small group leader for several years, she took a position as a senior leader, leading the leaders. It was that special group she visited yesterday, 30-some women who know Mary well and who’ve prayed without ceasing since her cancer diagnosis.

As Mary said, “Bible study is always meaningful, but when you do it with other women for years on end, you bond like family. Being with them again was thrilling!”

CBS Leaders.In the presence of these “family members” yesterday, she said she looked from face to face and just drank them in, grateful for each one. “Anyone can study the Bible,” she said, “but hearing what other women are learning, and spending time praying with them causes deep friendships to develop. A group Bible study is far more than just studying.”

Yesterday the women prayed with Mary, and as she left 30 minutes later to keep her next commitment, she told me she “couldn’t contain her joy and in the car spoke to God out loud,” thanking him for all the years with these dear friends, and the great bonus of 30 minutes yesterday.

Surely it pleases God any time we huddle over his Word, and he rewards us with knowledge and understanding. But when we study with others, his extra gift is the rich fellowship that results.

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man [or woman] sharpens another.”  (Proverbs 27:17)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Praise for women friendships and today’s current Bible study
  2. Praise for time with family tonight
  3. Pray for her to be Spirit-led through this busy week