Finding Another Way

Once we took our house off the market, I could focus on Mom, who had cancer. It was a great blessing to be able to spend extra time with her, walking through every stage of uncertainty, testing, trauma and pain as her life narrowed. In one of our many bedside chats, Mom said, “You know, Honey, you and Nate could probably sell your house without a realtor. We’ve done that four times. Why don’t you try it?”

Mom died in April, 2005. In May we needed to get the house back on the market and so followed her advice. We knew shoving a sign into the ground that said “For Sale By Owner” wouldn’t do much, since we were on a cul-de-sac, absent of drive-by value.

So we bought “Fizz-bo” (FSBO) signs and posted them at every nearby corner with arrows directing traffic flow to our address. We also made five-page packets describing our house and all its stats, complete with a dozen pictures. Once people turned onto our short street, they could see the clear plastic box of info next to the sign, beckoning them to take one.

Something else we did was lower the price of our home by 5%. After all, there would be no real estate commission when we sold it ourselves. Maybe a lower price would attract a new category of house hunters.

Over the next few weeks, as I worked in the kitchen keeping one eye out the window, an encouraging parade of drive-by vehicles moved past our house, stopping at the box of descriptive packets. As each person took one, I waved, smiled and thought, “Mom was right. This time it’s going to work.”

Quite a few families called and then toured our de-cluttered, squeaky-clean home. To go the extra mile, we held an open house every Sunday afternoon, locking the dog in the car and chatting with lookers by the hour. But an unproductive trend emerged. Most of those potential buyers had no potential. They fell into two categories: 1) “tire-kickers” wanting a peek, and 2) families visiting open houses as free entertainment.

About this time, Nate began clipping articles from newspapers that detailed a slight negative downturn in the real estate bubble. Several columnists predicted real estate doom as pie-in-the-sky prices were forced back “to reality.” Little did we know how far we still were from reality.

As the downward trend continued, we made the difficult decision to lower our price another 4%, spending hours discussing the issue. As a matter of fact, the sale of our house was all we ever talked about.

Falling into the “if only” trap produced days of hopelessness in both of us. Our kids begged to talk about something else, anything else, at the dinner table. And finally we declared a moratorium on talk of house and financial problems, at least while we ate. It was difficult to comply with the new rule, probably because it’s hard to fight fear.

When we lowered the price on the house for the second time, we printed new info sheets, noticing that we’d topped the one-thousand mark in our copies. One thousand people had removed packets from the plastic box on our front lawn, and still we hadn’t had a bite.

Even subtracting the months we’d been off the market when Mom was ill, the house had been for sale well over a year. Most of that time our suburb was, as the realtor put it, “Hot, hot, hot!” But by this time, our hope had grown cold, cold, cold.

He brings me bouquets.

I am blessedvase of with a mate who believes in the power of flowers. From the days of our earliest relationship, Nate often walked through the front door with a bouquet. He realized, early-on, how flowers lifted me. “I don’t get it,” he’d say, “but I can do it.” That’s a wise husband.

When disappointments have come, he’s helped mitigate their impact by buying a bouquet on his way home from work. I picture other women on the train noticing the wrapped bouquet on Nate’s lap. “Lucky someone,” they think. “She’s getting flowers.”

There have been seasons when our finances were so tight, a store-bought bouquet would break our bank. At those times I’ve said to Nate, “No flowers for a while, Dear. Really.” How many wives have to ask their husbands to stop bringing flowers to them?

Last spring we were at the financial bottom. After enduring an excruciatingly long wait to sell our house without any prospective buyers even still, I said, “The yard will be full of perennial flowers this summer. How ‘bout we enjoy those rather than the fancy bouquets you usually bring?”

He balked, having grown to love the process of choosing which flowers to buy, pondering what colors to put together and thinking forward to my delight in receiving them. Once he came home with peach colored roses edged in dark orange. “Remember?” he quizzed. “I got you this kind for our 20th anniversary.” I did remember and was hugely flattered that he did, too.

Last summer, though, he finally agreed to pass by the flower shop without stopping, and I made a fresh effort to make yard-flower bouquets: golden daffodils, white crabapple blossoms, lavender lilacs, yellow iris, pink plum branches, burgundy peonies, even the tall stalks of tiny purple “blossomettes” that grew from the hosta plants.

By August, when our gardens were flagging, I went on walks to gather weed-flowers for our vases. Dad always admired the staying power of weed-flowers and even thought about planting a garden of his favorites. “They have roots a yard long that can withstand any drought,” he’d say. If you’ve ever tried to uproot a dandelion, you know that.

Today I went walking (with my scissors), looking for a bouquet of weed-flowers. If Dad was still alive, he’d smile with affirmation at the gorgeous arrangement now on my table. Spectacular Queen Anne’s Lace, growing rampantly in every empty lot in our area, is fit for a bridal bouquet. (See picture above.) As Dad always mused, “Who labeled some weeds and some not?”

One day Nate may again bring me frequent bouquets of florist-bought flowers. But til then, the woods and empty lots can be my suppliers.

Life in a Kitchen Aid mixing bowl

Have you ever caught your fingers in the whirling beaters of a mixing bowl? Doing it once insures you’ll never repeat it. I can testify to the experience: scrambled, twisted, excruciating.

Our house had been on the market for many months, and the ticking of every clock was like the unrelenting wap-wap-wap of mixing bowl beaters… with us in the bowl, scrambling. What would we do if the house never sold? Would we lose it to foreclosure? Excruciating.

Financially, I knew it would help if I went to work. Looking at want ads, I marked the newspaper with highlighters, but every job had at least one requirement I couldn’t meet. What does a homemaker do after being out of the work force for 35 years while raising her family?

My mind whirled as the beaters twisted me. How ‘bout this? Or that? Or something else? I looked in one direction and then another, here, there, back and forth, spinning fruitlessly, unable to grab onto anything.

Finally I decided to do what I should have done in the beginning. I asked God. I’m not sure why it took so much spin-time before approaching him, although it was difficult to look up when life was beating on me. All I could see from the bowl was chaos.

But God knew all along he had a plan. Never mind that he made us wait a little longer before he showed it to us. Wap-wap-wap.

I have a friend who loves the elderly. Jan works in a nursing home and is in charge of many residents, often befriending the spouses of those in her care, the ones who come visiting.

One day “out of the blue” she called me. “Would you like to become a companion for a delightful 83 year old lady, in her home, several days a week? She’ll pay double minimum wage.”

Within a week I was sitting in Bettye’s immaculate living room, hearing her make that same offer. And the job description? All the things I’d been doing as a stay-at-home mom for 35 years. It was a perfect match.

The beater stopped spinning, and God lifted me out of the mixing bowl. Bettye and I worked together in flawless synchrony until our family moved away just recently.

I’ve learned that God can be trusted and ought to be consulted well before life twirls out of control. He always has a good plan, and it’s always an original. The hard part is waiting with patience until he’s ready to reveal what it is. But when he does, the time will be exactly right.