As of today, I’ve been a widow for 2½ years, though it feels like it’s been much longer than that, maybe a decade longer. Most widows agree. That might be because of all the tears cried or maybe just the many radical life changes. It could simply be the fatiguing nature of deep grief. Whatever the reason for feeling like a long-term widow, I can still identify quite a few positives coming out of those same 2½ years.
Widowhood was God’s choice for me in exactly the way and time it came. I can view it as a crisis sent from him or the result of living in a fallen world. Or I can take a completely different approach and see it as the reason I expanded my dependency on the Lord to a depth I would never have known without becoming a widow.
Women with husbands have this same opportunity to lean hard on God day to day, hour to hour, but taking advantage of it isn’t the driving force it is for a widow. When widowhood hits, extreme neediness forces a quest to find a new system of support and guidance.
Some women hold back, mad at God for taking their men. Others try to go on “as always,” but of course that doesn’t work. The Lord patiently stands at-the-ready, waiting with open arms and unlimited resources to step into the increased role we need from him.
If we don’t pull in close to him right away, it’s comforting to know he’ll wait until we’re ready. His offer of kindness, strength, and provision is open-ended, for always. The more desperate we become, the greater his rescue.
I’ll always miss Nate. We met when we were both 21, having officially left childhood behind, and were eager to start adulthood together. My entire adult life was spent in partnership with him, and although we had the usual marital disagreements, I’ll never forget the happiness we shared.
Since widowhood, with God’s steady encouragement and provision, the painful parts of our separation are mostly behind me. I can even think through the details of Nate’s cancer, his last hours, and his funeral without crying, which is exactly what other widows told me would eventually happen.
Although I never would have requested widowhood, as I pass the 2½ year mark, my memories are sweet, and the future, though undefined, is not a threat. I’ve found God’s ears open to my cries and his promises spot-on. And I’m confident that what’s been true of him during these past few years will continue to be true into the distant future.
And part of that future will always be to tell the story of how good he’s been to me.
“The widow who is really in need… puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help.” (1 Timothy 5:5)
Just beautiful, Margaret! Your testimony of God’s faithfulness and loving care is magnificent! You are dearly loved….
I have been a widow for just over a year and a half and have been reading your blog for almost that long. During that time God has used you to speak directly to my heart. This journey through widowhood has been full of many blessings as well as hardships and fear, it has caused myself and my adult children to look to God for comfort and guidance. Thank you for letting God guide your words… they’ve gotten me through many long nights
I can agree fully with you Margeret, and Sherry. I have been a widow for nearly 3 years and it’s still hard but we all seem to look to God for all He has to offer and accept it. Amen
Thank you for your inspirational thoughts. I have been a widow for almost 7 months now. My husband too died from cancer.
However, we only knew for about 3 weeks before he went home to be with the Lord. I can relate to alot of what you say. This trial has truly brought me closer to my Lord and Savior and I have learned to depend on Him more each day. I thank God for a Godly husband who not only loved the Lord deeply but he loved me deeply too. Not everyone has that relationship with their spouse and I truly thank God for that. Again that you for sharing, it is helping many of us widows to know it will get better.
i was very touched by your words. i too lost my husband 9 months ago from cancer. every day to me is very trying but i notice that when i get up and read the bible and pray to the lord the day goes much smoother. right now with the holidays it seems to be a real bear but i feel if i rest more and don’t think so much its easier to get through them. i try not to expect too much or be too hard on myself so i can keep my nervous system working right. thanks for writing
I recently found your blog and read it everyday. Your encouragement is just wonderful. I have been widowed for four months . We were married for 48 years and feel I could not do this without my faith and God leading me every step of the way. I have such peace knowing my husband is no long in pain from cancer and know he is with our Lord and Savior.
Once AGAIN Margaret you beautifully wrote what is in my heart! Thank you for putting into blessed words those thoughts that only you can verbally express. Thank you.
Claudia wrote so beautifully what is in my heart and brain. Margaret, you have touched hundreds with your transparent thoughts, and led them to a closer relationship with the Lord. Just this morning, my devotions pointed out to me (again!) that what He wants is not works – He wants relationship – and as you said, He waits with open arms for us to run into. I’m so thankful we have Abba Father!
This is coming from the cheap seats….or the not yet widowed, but I am sure I’m not alone in saying that reading your blog has given me a whole new appreciation for my husband, and for valuing whatever time we have left together. And I am printing this out for my mother, widowed just 4 weeks ago on Easter Sunday. 66 years was God’s gift to them, so the future must be rather dim to her right now. She exemplified living one day at a time during his long illness, so I know she will appreciate your perspective on time. Thank you so much. You have given new meaning to “extended family”—and won’t heaven be that much richer for finally meeting people we didn’t meet here!
Margaret
You two look so great together in the picture.
I do miss Nate so much. He was such a loving friend to
me, and had such a warm heart and a winning smile.
God’s blessing to you and your children.
Don Ontiveros