Irrational Wounding

Back in high school, when I briefly took organ lessons (Mom hoped I would play hymns), one of my practice pieces (definitely not a hymn) went like this:

You always hurt the one you love, the one you shouldn’t hurt at all.      You always take the sweetest rose and crush it till the petals fall.         You always break the kindest heart with a hasty word you can’t recall.

It certainly touted an attitude far from biblical hymnody. Hurting someone’s feelings, crushing a sweetheart, speaking thoughtless words all classify as cruel and unloving. But the last line of the song made it even worse:

If I broke your heart last night, it’s because I love you most of all.

Nonsense.

This sounds a lot like a cad twisting the truth to make his beloved forgive him. He says he loves her more than anyone else because of what he did or said that wounded her.

I don’t know why this song popped into my head today, but when I gave it a little thought, the chickens came home to roost. I was reminded of many-a-time when I expected Nate to understand why I had to serve others rather than him. For example, I’d make his favorite meal, then take it down the block for the family that had just moved in without saving any for him. Or he’d invite me out to dinner but I’d say, “I’m on a diet. Let’s go to a movie instead.” These things and many others made me as caddish as the guy in the song.

When we’re dealing with those outside our family circle, we control ourselves well. We don’t speak harshly, raise our voices, or lose our patience. Rarely do we say no. But those in our inner circle? We often take their love for granted and assume it’ll always be there, regardless of what we do. The truth is, those family members who are treated poorly by the ones they love don’t always stick around. When love isn’t reciprocated, it sometimes dies.

God loves differently than we do, carefully considering our needs. Jesus was the ultimate example for us when he put our needs ahead of his own. He took the torture and death we were slated to receive and did it eagerly… lovingly. Instead of “hurting the ones he loved” as the song says, he allowed himself to be hurt. He volunteered to be the “sweetest rose,” willingly crushed so we wouldn’t have to be.

There is no possible way we could ever pay him back for what he did, but one thing we can do is mimic his love by loving our family members sacrificially rather than hurting the ones we’re supposed to love “most of all.”

“He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5)

5 thoughts on “Irrational Wounding

  1. Well said. I’m not signing my name to day because a lot of you know me. My family is a mess. Relationships broken. There has been so much hurt over the years I doubt it’s repairable until we get to glory. Yes, I have tried to reach out and failed, especially to my sister, and now this retched canker is devouring other family members. Daily, my heart grieves deeply and it is constantly placed before the throne of God. Please, all you who read Margaret’s words, cherish your family, friends and heed God’s words. “Be kind one to another, tender hearted, forgiving one another even as God,for Christ’s sake, has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32

  2. I couldn’t agree more Anonymous. I’m in a place right now where I have aging parents and they need to be surrounded with all the love and support that they have given our family throughout the years. My Dad is in stage 4 cancer and my Mom has very bad degenerative arthritis, type 2 diabetes and other health issues as well. I could really use help from my sister but there has also been so many arguments and unkind words said through the years that she has chosen to abandon them and our family. I get really tired of hearing that once you are married and have your own children/family that you are no longer responsible for your FIRST family. The ones who brought you into this world. I have been told that Honor your Mother and your Father is for when you are young and I think that is so very wrong.

  3. Such wisdom, Margaret…I remember the song well….and…the other comments, I used to be a care=giver; first to my mom (no help from family members at all) and later- as a profession…and it is true…when the parents who cared for, nurtured you, gave you a position in this world…need you most…it usually falls to a single child or none at all. SO WRONG !!
    It’s also WRONG..for an adult child to EXPECT their parents to ‘take care’ of them ALL their lives…when they are able to care for themselves…even tho the child has been helpful in many ways, but ‘expectant’ and emotionally abusive…because …whatever reason they come up with…and they are now an adult and think they have a ‘right’.

  4. Entitlement is a huge topic and is so damaging!!! Don’t even get me started… well you have but I won’t go any further.