Although a year ago Nate’s bad back was forcing him to deal with a boatload of trouble, the cancer diagnosis didn’t surface until the end of September. Symptoms of its secret presence were evident much earlier, but none of us knew its name.
When Nate began losing weight, which might have been a clue, we attributed it to his lessened appetite because of increased pain in his back. Then he began receiving compliments. “You look good! Losing weight?” Having put on quite a few middle-age-pounds in recent years, he enjoyed the accolades and decided to work at losing more, taking smaller portions and eliminating desserts.
When he continued to lose, we were both proud of him. I said, “You men are so lucky. One little dietary change and the pounds melt away.” How could something that looked so good be so insidious?
In August, when he began complaining of a stomach ache, which was probably his pancreas immediately next to the stomach, even his back doctor agreed it was probably the pain meds irritating him. The solution was to change his prescription.
When extreme exhaustion swamped him and he trudged up the stairs to collapse on the bed by 7:00 PM, he credited his age. “I think this is just what mid-sixties feels like,” he said.
When he developed a wisp of wheezing at the end of each breath, we labeled it “stress”. When he ran an occasional fever, he asked for ginger ale and said, “I should have gotten a flu shot.”
The mind is a complicated piece of equipment. One of its best tricks is to filter bad news through a screen of let’s-ponder-that-later. And both of our brains bought into every logical reason for dismissing cancer’s symptoms.
It’s not all bad that we spent a while in denial. When bad news comes crashing in, the brain has work to do and needs a buffer zone in which to do it. This week I learned via email of a good friend’s new cancer diagnosis. After my gasp in front of the computer screen and a spontaneous rush of sadness for him and his family, the only thing to do was pray. “Lord, give him the courage to accept the truth as soon as he can. Cause him to take advantage of every opportunity that presents itself with his family and others because of his cancer.”
Among all the negatives that cancer is, it’s also something positive: a fistful of opportunities. I look back at Nate’s six weeks of coping with his cancer and marvel at how quickly he accepted his “fate” (tomorrow’s blog) and determined to finish well, even while undergoing intense emotional and physical upheaval. His actions and comments were calm, so much so they could only have been inspired by God, who supplied the know-how Nate needed.
For those who understand death is coming soon and who desire to honor the Lord through it, I believe God supernaturally supplies. And that stands true not just in cases of cancer but in all life-threatening circumstances. Being suspended in a period of denial might be more than just a place for the brain to do the work of adjusting. It might also be God’s place to ready people to accept their new harsh reality.
And once acceptance occurs, even while disease is killing, new opportunities are being born.
“Blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, if you obey the voice of the Lord your God.” (Deuteronomy 28:2)
Hi Margaret,
This entry says it is posted in life’s disappointments- quite an understatement, as you have been traveling through the tunnel of grief and are now doubling back to reflect on that time one year ago.
I went to a Hersey play last night, and as usual Kyle Marquette chose one with age old themes in a contemporary context- The Women of Lockerbie. What happens to faith when loved ones are lost in a senseless and evil terrorist act? What if the mother just checked the box Delta instead of Pan Am when filling out her son’s applications for overseas study? What if she didn’t pressure him to be home by Christmas that year? Is there a God controlling the details of our life and just what kind of God is He? What happens when a cancer diagnosis takes your loved one over a longer period of time, but takes them nonetheless? I think of the people I know whose faith is on the line when tragedy strikes, and so I also think of you. I wonder, but never want to find out, if I would be able to press through like you and them.
In preparation for a Bible study with my daughter I came across these verses this morning and hope they bolster faith to you and your readers who also are in the midst of grief and loss of whatever kind. If God’s Word isn’t God’s Word, then we have nothing; but if it is, then we have every reason to be people of courage and hope in the face of devastation.
The verses are in 1 Peter 1. Our salvation is not yet complete- we have been saved from wrath, saved from sin, our souls are saved, but we are also being saved toward something not yet revealed- the redemption of our bodies and glory.
And here is the piece for you- your faith, tested and proved, is going to be honored. Every choice you made and are making to believe God, to draw near to Him, to offer a sacrifice of praise, to faithfully write to work through your own pain but to also guide others- every single act will have this result for you- praise and honor and glory, not now, but at the revelation of Jesus Christ. There is an inheritance for you- imperishable, unfading, reserved in heaven. There is not much to hope for here, but Peter does tell us to fix our hope completely on the grace yet to be brought at the unveiling of Christ.
It’s coming- as sure as there is suffering here, it is proof positive there is glory there. A natural body decaying is evidence of an imperishable spiritual body yet to be redeemed(1 Cor. 15:44). Whenever I think of that word redemption, I think of the S and H green stamps I used to endlessly lick for my mom so she could purchase some item in their place. We take an awful lot of licking here, but there’s going to be a cash in.
May He quicken our living hope through the resurrection of Jesus from the dead.
Love,
Terry
Thanks, Margaret and Terry for a rich feast this morning! Denial itself has taken a licking! So it was refreshing to see it’s part of the process, not a reversal of it. As all those symptoms were piling up, it makes sense that a terminal illness wouldn’t be the FIRST thing to come to mind. Otherwise, every hang nail and hiccup would strike terror and foreboding!
God is so good to keep us dumb until we need to know different. Watching my mother care for my Dad as though everything is normal used to be frustrating. Now I see it as great courage to carry on, doing the best with what is there, while making adjustments along the way for each new “normal.” She is teaching me what it looks like to truly live one day at a time, grateful for life, even if it’s not what it used to be.
And you are often voicing what God wants me to know to come alongside and help her. We are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses and some of them come to us thru time AND cyberspace!
Thank you, Margaret, Terry, Tina.
Ditto. Thankful for sisters in Christ to whom God gives a piece of the bigger picture.