So I resumed the chemo drugs this morning as planned. They called yesterday and due to the fact that I just had Covid and have been having trouble draining my lungs of fluid, the team opted to wait until this morning.
l can’t tell a whole lot in the way of side effects so far, but here we go…
In other news, I have a blood work-up scheduled for 840am at the clinic tomorrow, a 925am meeting with one of my Oncology docs, and a 255pm Echocardiogram (heart) so they can get a clearer picture of what’s going on.
And what else is going on?
Well, everything has been really great on most fronts other than low oxygen levels and shortness of breath. I can’t breath so well, especially at night and when I asked about it, they answered with these tests and this meeting. Being out of breath at a resting position is disconcerting at a minimum. I have these panic attacks when I can’t breath.
Waking up in the middle of the night feeling like you’re drowning is no fun at all. I am grateful I have an oxygen machine at the house, thanks to my cousin Luke who just happened to have one lying around. So overall, I’m blessed. Chemo drugs are working. I can manage pain and side effects fairly well, and life with the family is going great.
However, I want things to move faster than they are, but here I am taking steps back into the land of breathing machines and tests like we did back in May.
But I guess that’s what people mean when they say they are fighting cancer for years.
You wonder, “How long will this go on, Lord?”
It gives new meaning to the Psalms that go on and on like that.
My friend told me it’s a mind game, which is true. Most battles are won and lost in the battlefield of the mind. Attitude is everything and even effects the outcome much of the time.
But as Ben Franklin said, “Well done is better than well said.”
But who can really pull it off?
Who can stay positive and overcome when it’s lonely at night?
None of the people who are around me are sick like I am, so it does feel lonely.
I hope I can overcome. I want to stay positive.
I try to use the “tools” I have been given to get through it.
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” ~ Serenity Prayer
Nelson, I ponder your words, and our faith, for days after I read them. Your honesty is evident. I have more than once remarked to Dave, after I have read your blog, “What a man of character!” After reading this I thought, ‘But where does character get you in this kind of fight? So what if you have character?’ With medicine today we can give someone our lungs, or kidneys, or heart. But not yet our life. If medicine could offer us the option to exchange places with one suffering, there would certainly be a line up at your bed to make the offer. Maybe someday. Despite your struggles, you have picked up the shield of hope, and hold it up. We hope with you!!