Real Fear

When Mary, Tom, and I were children, Mom and 11 other ladies formed a women’s club that met monthly to sew/knit together, share lavish desserts, and become best of friends. These 12 women produced nearly 40 children between them, all of whom grew up thinking they were cousins. As this post-war generation became adults, many of us lost track of each other, though our mothers always seemed to know who went where and did what.

Interestingly, those strong childhood ties have found us reconnecting as we’re all “getting up in years.” Whether it’s gathering to honor one of us at a memorial service or “finding” each other via social media, we seem to pick up right where we left off, a satisfying tribute to youthful friendship.

???????????????????????????????Last week one of these long-term pals appeared in my email inbox in relation to my sister’s cancer. Albion Fellows Hargrave, generally known as Al, has always been Fellows to us. He turned out to be a successful pediatrician who I haven’t seen since we were both students at Wheaton College 50 years ago. (…when Fellows was a camp lifeguard, at right)

In his email, written from the viewpoint of a medical doctor, Fellows addressed possible fears Mary might be having as she faces surgery and chemotherapy, as well as an important principle about how God factors into all of this.

From his email:

Dear Margaret,

Do you remember when Betty Elliot spoke to us on Job in [Wheaton’s] Chapel in October, 1964? * The take-home message I remembered and that influenced a lot of my practice of medicine for 40 years was, “I am not responsible for God’s behavior.”

One of the things God says to Job is “I cannot answer your questions, but I will never desert you.”  The main reason is we do not have the capacity to understand his ways. A very distant approximation would be me explaining to a six month old all the important reasons why we were going to give her four immunization injections.

So many times a mother would tell her child and my patient, “Quit crying! He hasn’t done anything yet.” I would gently correct her and say I had done something very terrifying to the child. I had walked into the room. And then I would remind her that “Fear is one of the worst pains.” Rather tell your child that “Mother understands your fear and wishes she could take it away, but she can’t. However, I can promise you I will not leave you.” The mother did not understand the background, but that was an adaption of God’s promise to us out of Job, as explained by Betty Elliott.

I used it for 40 years [as a pediatrician] and it seemed to be effective. I am not responsible for God’s behavior, but he is, and that is more than enough.

Dr. HargraveBest regards,

Fellows

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.” (Isaiah 55:8)

Mary’s prayer requests:

  1. Praise for continued prayer support
  2. Praise for peace that surpasses understanding
  3. To stay “healthy” before surgery
  4. For meaningful time with family, especially Bervin

*Elisabeth Elliot was a missionary married to Jim Elliot, who was massacred by the very people he was trying to reach for Christ. Betty was 30 years old at the time, with a 10 month old child.

8 thoughts on “Real Fear

  1. More and more, I am thinking about God’s sovereignty. No matter what is going on, peace comes when I affirm that God does all things well, and I can trust Him to accomplish His purposes through any set of circumstances.

  2. As the years continue to accumulate, many of my close friends as well as I have been experiencing health issues of varying severity. Today’s blog addresses the huge problem we face of fear–not knowing what the future holds, how to deal with multiplying physical problems, concerns about our children and grandchildren, etc. This is such a good reminder that God is in charge and we really don’t need to stress out over uncertainties, knowing that the ultimate result will be good as we follow His leading. Thanks for this boost!

  3. Thank you, Margaret, for sharing Fellows’ letter today. He should write a devotional book. As a physician he has a unique perspective into God’s Word…and he writes well. This is a wonderfully fresh insight on the Isaiah passage. John and I and our kids are praying for Mary as all the family.

  4. This afternoon I read a quote by Handley Moule (I think) and it seems to fit in here. He says, “See the will of God in everything – not with a sigh, but with a song.”

  5. What a great way to address fears in any circumstance! That was so well written and encouraging. KB

  6. Dear Mary and Berv, Please know that I continue to pray for you and the family many times a day. And, so do the other folks who know you here at Cov Village. Your e-mails are so encouraging to us as well. I”m so amazed that you can do this, although there is no question from where your strength comes. He IS working through you and will continue to do so. Margaret, thanks so much for making this available to so many. Praying for you as well. Love, Mary Ann

  7. This was beautiful and so appropriate for what I’m going through right now. Thank you for sharing.