This is one of the last pictures taken of Nate and me before we learned about his deadly diagnosis. I’m thankful for it, since it represents life before terminal cancer. Key word: represents, and an inaccurate representation at that. His life already did include cancer, and as I look at the picture today, I see it there.
Nate’s smile is not his own. Though he’s doing his best, his face can’t hide his physical pain. I didn’t notice it at the time, but today, in hindsight, I see it. Even his posture tells of something unusual going on by the stiff way he’s putting his arm around me, something that had always been easy.
I remember that picture-taking moment well. Relatives from North Carolina were visiting, and we’d just finished a lavish brunch at my sister and brother-in-law’s home. Even during the meal, Nate had had to get out of his chair and stand behind it to “take a break” from the back stress of sitting. “It feels better if I stand,” he had said. But a backache isn’t cancer, and we’d already known about that. After all, he was already scheduled for corrective spine surgery.
But hindsight is 20/20, and because I now know what we were about to learn then, I look at the picture and see it coming. But on picture-taking day, we were still blissfully ignorant of that life and death crisis, which in a sense left us standing in a place of blessing.
But what about the pictures that are being taken now, during these days? Not knowing what’s ahead, when I smile for a camera do I acknowledge that I’m currently standing in a place of blessing? Am I appreciating that I’m not in a life and death crisis today?
God has ongoing 20/20 vision both in hindsight and foresight. He sees the complete lifeline of everybody at all times rather than looking at each of us one way this year and another way the next. He has no regrets about what he has allowed to happen to each of us and can’t think of a single change he might have made to how he’s acted in the past. He doesn’t want to redo any decision he’s made and never thinks, “I wish I’d done such-and-such back then.”
In other words, he’s the complete opposite of us.
I’ll never have 20/20 vision toward the future like God does, but I can learn a few things through my 20/20 vision backwards. And what I’ve learned today from studying this picture is how important it is to acknowledge, in the here and now, that I’m standing in a place of blessing.
“Always be zealous for the fear of the Lord. There is surely a future hope for you.” (Proverbs 23:17-18)
Loved this! You have such a way with words…thanks for writing this!
Oh my, this has the tears welling up and flowing. I also can see that my dear husband wasn’t well before that last 4 months when his cancer made itself known. I didn’t find out he had cancer until he went home to be with Jesus. We lived in hope and trusted in Jesus for healing, and he was healed, but not in the here and now. We thought he had torn a muscle in his neck, but he steadily grew weaker. Through those last 4 months we grew closer together, more in love than ever and I read positive and uplifting verses out loud to him throughout that whole time. It kept us going, and is what keeps me going even now. I am glad that we didn’t know he had cancer, that was a blessing.
I want to daily be standing in a place of blessing. To look forward to God’s leading in my life. Our husbands are healthy and whole, with Jesus and we will be reunited one day.
Love and prayers ~ FlowerLady Lorraine
Thank you!! Truly I am standing in a place of blessing and am so glad I recognize it. Thank you Lord.
This brought back memories of pictures of my mother just before she had a series of mini-strokes and then the major one. Hindsight – now we know there was a problem, but didn’t know then. Would we have done anything differently had we known? That’s something only the Lord knows. He reveals things to us as He wills and in His wisdom.
Good blog, Midge, and all the comments…..now, is all we have, and so important to remember to be thankful and know how blessed we ARE……and i personally think….it’s a blessing we don’t know of pending ‘things’….sometimes we would try to take matters into our own hands to make it better….and that just isn’t God’s plan. Not to say “we can’t pray for healing and expect it, or things to be different”…..it really isn’t our call for the outcome.
That is a good photo of you and Nate.
I remember that day well, and glad that we have a beautiful Kodak Moment for Nate and you. Thanks for reminding us of all the blessings we have today.
Once again your words have blessed me. Thank you so much Maragret for your words of wisdom!