Nelson’s bone pain is increasing as other bones fracture, and four days from now, he will undergo surgery to put a “pin” in his left leg from hip-to-knee.

When the surgeon was finished, he came out and said that some of the bones were “paper thin.” But Nelson was on his feet again, as soon after surgery as the doctor would allow. He promised to use a cane—if the doctor would just let him go home….which he did.

Nelson had 10 days with his family until another breathing crisis and panic attack prompted a 911 call and an ambulance ride back to the hospital.

During those days, from December 13 until his death on December 25, he wrote nothing more. The entry below was his last.

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December 12, 2022

Luke 17:11-19

“Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee. As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy met him. They stood at a distance and called out in a loud voice, ‘Jesus, Master, have pity on us!’ When he saw them, he said, ‘Go, show yourselves to the priests.’ And as they went, they were cleansed. One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan. Jesus asked, ‘Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? Has no one returned to give praise to God except this foreigner?’ Then he said to him, ‘Rise and go; your faith has made you well.’ ”

It’s 5:45 am

Just took the Chemo meds, and Annso came out to say hello and said she’s going to try and put the baby back down again. Apparently he slept from 10:45 pm all the way until now. Pretty good for him.

I’ve been struggling with anxiety during the day and trouble breathing. The reason I have the passage at the top is because I was thinking about being healed and giving thanks, and those are verses that contain both.

I pray, Lord, that when you heal me, I am faithful to come back and thank you.

What about the others? Why weren’t they coming back? Maybe they were busy, distracted, any number of other things. And why was it a Samaritan? Luke records this.

Why was it the one who was different, the one to come back. Well, maybe it was because he didn’t need to go to the temple like the Jews would have, to be considered “clean”. Maybe it was because they were told to go there and they hadn’t arrived yet.

Who knows….

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(I’ll conclude tomorrow.)                                            

“The Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life.” (Job 33:4)

Nelson’s energy is waning, so these two entries are short. It’s becoming harder and harder for him to concentrate, and there are more and more breathing issues.

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December 9, 2022

At our little kitchen table at our new house, pre-dawn. It’s 7:15 am and no sign of the sun yet. Almost the shortest day of the year. I think the winter solstice is December 20. Anyway, not too much sunlight this time of year up north.

Reading Psalm 90 and 91. They say 90 was written by Moses. He’s got more of a grim outlook, talking about men finishing their years with a sigh and having 70 or 80 years, if we have the strength.

December 11, 2022

Who needs to write a journal, really. So many people with blogs. Writing can be therapeutic. Annso is with Ralph and Astrid, giving them a little time with the baby boy.

I’m back at our place trying to outrun a panic attack of some sort. Took a Lorazepam to give me a lift, but [now] I heard her come through the door, which eases my insanity….

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“When I sit in darkness, the Lord shall be a light unto me.” (Micah 7:8b)

Nelson is beginning to think he might not live to see the other side of his cancer. In this journal entry, he tries to accept that unwelcome possibility.

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December 8, 2022

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12)

Always a fascinating psalm when I come around to it. Written by Moses, the man of God, it calls man’s mortality to account. We are here for a little while.

My mortality is always before me. We have very little and really nothing, unless we “number our days”. I think about a sunny day, walking around some beach in LA or any other scenario where you feel like you’ll be around forever, and compare it to my life now where my mortality is always sitting right in front of my face.

Thinking about how it looks to me today, my little son, my wife, living a stone’s throw from the Mayo Clinic so I can be close to help if I need it. And it’s happened plenty that I do [need it].

How long do I have? Does it matter? Shouldn’t I live every day like it’s my last anyway? I guess when you are young and feel good, you don’t want to think about your fragility. Why would you?

Sadly, only when we are a little more “down and out” do we think about our short life and number our days. On that level, God does us a favor when we have trouble in this life.

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“There is an appointed time for every event under heaven.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1)