Common Sense

Posted on by

I can’t qualify as a fan of Dr. Phil, but both times I’ve heard him, he was fascinating. He’s got the ability to quickly analyze a handful of disjointed circumstances and pinpoint a problem with an accurate bottom line. His remedies land on the side of common sense, and they solve problems.

In dealing with the tensions of modern life, whether financial, relational or circumstantial, he recommends following a bit of advice his father gave him. “Spend 5% of your time deciding if you got a good or bad deal, and 95% of your time deciding what you’re going to do about it.”

I lost my husband and became a widow. As that heartbreak unfolded (and for months afterwards), I couldn’t think of anything else, dwelling on the disaster 95% of the time, analyzing the “bad deal.” As for any effort spent on what I was going to do about it, not even 5%.

Eventually, though, those percentages have to move in the other direction as Dr. Phil says, or heavy grieving can become a permanent place to live. I knew I didn’t want that.

Slowly but surely, because of God’s involvement, the balance began tipping in a healthy direction. It has helped to look for positives, and I don’t mean advantages to my husband’s death (because there are precious few). But because God pours good things into our lives every day, there are many blessings to be named.

Dr. Phil’s recommended 5%-95% ratio can be applied to any crisis we encounter. After a time of laser-focus on the problem, we need to shift our thinking toward solutions, setting aside the “if only’s” and coming up with a few “can do’s.”

My former pastor, Colin Smith, says that when we’re in the depths of despair, who we are and who God is intersect. “The depths is where our most holy moments occur,” he says, explaining how we gain an understanding of the profound when we’re bottomed out.

But how does God expect us to rise from those depths, to crawl from a 95% focus on the bad deal we’ve had to 95% on what we’re going to do about it? It’s because we’ve bumped into, or intersected with God. We’ve bonded with him at our lowest point, which is exactly where he empowers us to move away from it.

He wants us to reach for new beginnings. Something positive has ended, yes, but God is an unlimited resource for new starts that will lead to more good. We can’t see them yet, but we can make plans to move away from what we know to be sad toward what we know will be good, weighting the percentage toward what God-and-I-together are going to do about it.

And that’s just common sense.

“There is a time for everything… a time to tear and a time to mend.” (Ecclesiastes 3:7a)

Elusive Sleep

Posted on by

I was 50 years old before I knew about sleep machines. Manufacturers hope these little producers of white noise will enhance sleep for those who struggle to get there. The good ones offer to transform a stress-filled bedroom into the serene environment of an ocean shore, a running stream, a tropical forest or a summer night with crickets chirping.

I first learned the benefits of white noise as a young mother. My babies were never solid sleepers, unless they had nasal congestion. That’s because when we set a vaporizer in the nursery with its gentle whirring, they slept soundly… even when sick. We were onto something and vaporized year-round for a while, until the wallpaper began falling off.

When we learned there was a name for this noise and a machine to accomplish it (without dripping water), we realized other households were having sleep issues, too.

Most sleep machines make radical claims for the sleep-deprived. They promise rich, natural, drug-free rest that can boost energy and improve overall health.

But why is the world so sleep deprived in the first place? Since all of us have tossed and turned through long nights, we can list plenty of reasons:

  • Worrying too much
  • Struggling with pain
  • Thinking too hard
  • Fearing the future
  • Regretting the past
  • And a big ETC.

We crawl under the covers at night, relieved to finally be ending a stressful day, when suddenly the woes of the world seem propped next to the pillow, poking us relentlessly in an effort keep us awake.

Drug stores have racks of sleep aids, and pharmacies carry many more. Hospitals have sleep clinics in which they watch patients in dreamland, trying to figure out what puts them down and what pulls them up. The sleep industry is big business.

The biblical David was an emotional guy, describing in the Psalms his endless ups and downs (including the evasiveness of sleep). But in Psalm 4, after many sleepless nights, he figures out what  to do when sleep won’t come and lets us in on the secret: “When you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent… Trust in the Lord.” (4,5)

When we’re churning at night, for whatever reason, David suggests we say, “Lord, are you preventing sleep because you want to tell me something? If so, I’m listening.” And like David, we can silently wait for God’s response, paying careful attention to our next thoughts. We might even be thankful we’re awake to hear what he has to say.

During noisy days, it’s difficult to hear him. In a dark bedroom, even with a sleep machine running, we tend to hear much better. By morning, we may have accomplished something far more important than any over-full day can achieve.

Maybe if we listen carefully, we’ll hear him say, “Turn off the white noise now. No more hard-to-sleep, just sleeping-hard instead.”

“I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.” (Psalm 3:5)

Family Similarities

Posted on by

I love looking at baby pictures of friends’ grandchildren, studying pudgy faces in search of resemblances to parents and grandparents. God often weaves physical characteristics through the generations in a way that’s familial but new.

Grandparents have the delightful perspective of being one-generation-removed from the new babies that arrive. We’re involved with our grands, to be sure, but are no longer on parenting’s center stage.  Watching from the wings, we can observe similarities and differences, strengths and weaknesses that parents are often too busy to see.

As a young mom, my focus was getting the job done, whatever the moment demanded. Pausing to contemplate the inner-child required a slow-down I couldn’t afford. Now, as a grandma, I have the luxury of watching and listening. The more I study children, whether my family’s or others’, the more I appreciate God’s handiwork, particularly his unending design creativity.

Despite similarities through the generations, he never runs out of ways to make each individual unique. After creating trillions of people, he’s still enjoying his work-in-wombs, knitting together DNA strands of infinite variety.

Our family is looking forward to February, 2012, when we’ll get a look at what God has been up to for 9 months within my daughter Linnea. Who is he sending to join our ranks? What family characteristics will come through, and what fresh ideas will God have woven into this new person?

Craving answers to these questions is what’s partially responsible for Nate and I having 7 children. We couldn’t wait to see who else he might put together and send our way. I wish there’d have been more baby-bearing years so we could have had more children, because as our 7 have grown into honorable adults, I continue to be impressed with evidence of God’s creative flare in each of them.

I believe when we delight in the children God sends us, whether by birth, adoption, guardianship or friendship, we’re bringing pleasure to the One who made them. We can study children the same way the Creator stood back and studied the first human ever made. Just like him we can say, “You’re very good!”

This week God handed me a remarkable new thought. Nate has met and gotten to know our miscarried child.

It was a goose-bump moment for me and probably for Nate, too, when they first connected. Heaven is all about relationships, both backwards (past-borns) and forward (future-borns). On earth we’re limited to knowing only 3 or maybe 4 generations, but heavenly camaraderie will have no such limits.

We’ll get to see God-initiated traits and features threading their way through every generation, all the way back to Adam and Eve. And because he made us all in his image, maybe we’ll even be able to see attributes that began as far back as the Father, Son and Spirit! Awesome thought…

“Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous.” (Psalm 139:14)