SWAK

Posted on January 19, 2012 by Margaret

Kisses are important to a marriage. The expression “sealed with a kiss” (SWAK) probably came from the tradition of a bride and groom sharing a kiss in front of witnesses at the conclusion of their wedding ceremony.

Some couples, exercising the ultimate in self-control, wait to kiss each other for the very first time after they’re officially declared husband and wife. I can’t even imagine the emotions running through both of them when they seal the deal with such potency, but surely it makes for a great start to a marriage.

Because kisses require face-to-face contact or at least head-to-head with cheek kisses, it’s difficult to kiss someone if anything negative hangs between you. That’s probably why Scripture encourages husbands and wives not to end the day, every day, without first clearing the air between them.

If couples follow this one rule, no grudge can last longer than a few hours, no argument grow out of proportion before being settled. And getting into the habit of sharing a goodnight kiss is an excellent step toward keeping short accounts with each other.

Ephesians 4:26 tells us not to end the day while we’re angry, especially with each other. When resentments fester, they make it difficult to rest well anyway. Kisses often melt away frosty feelings and make restoration more probable. But even more importantly, the next verse tells what will happen if we hold onto disagreements at bedtime: “Anger gives a foothold to the devil.” No sensible husband or wife would willingly pull Satan into their marriage that way.

Kisses can do all kinds of things for a relationship. Romans 16:16 tells us to greet each other with holy kisses, which elevates kissing to a spiritual level. Maybe each time we plant a sincerely loving kiss on someone, it’s a tiny act of holiness, a mini-deed with significance to God. I know it’s especially so between husbands and wives. Marriage is important to the Lord, as is loving behavior, and holiness is something he wants us all to strive for. Apparently kisses can improve all three.

When we widows said goodbye to our husbands, lots of kisses went away with them. But for those still fortunate enough to be married, may each day be SWAK!

“Rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you. Greet one another with a holy kiss.” (2 Corinthians 13:11-12)

Irrational Wounding

Posted on January 17, 2012 by Margaret

Back in high school, when I briefly took organ lessons (Mom hoped I would play hymns), one of my practice pieces (definitely not a hymn) went like this:

You always hurt the one you love, the one you shouldn’t hurt at all. You always take the sweetest rose and crush it till the petals fall. You always break the kindest heart with a hasty word you can’t recall.

It certainly touted an attitude far from biblical hymnody. Hurting someone’s feelings, crushing a sweetheart, speaking thoughtless words all classify as cruel and unloving. But the last line of the song made it even worse:

If I broke your heart last night, it’s because I love you most of all.

Nonsense.

This sounds a lot like a cad twisting the truth to make his beloved forgive him. He says he loves her more than anyone else because of what he did or said that wounded her.

I don’t know why this song popped into my head today, but when I gave it a little thought, the chickens came home to roost. I was reminded of many-a-time when I expected Nate to understand why I had to serve others rather than him. For example, I’d make his favorite meal, then take it down the block for the family that had just moved in without saving any for him. Or he’d invite me out to dinner but I’d say, “I’m on a diet. Let’s go to a movie instead.” These things and many others made me as caddish as the guy in the song.

When we’re dealing with those outside our family circle, we control ourselves well. We don’t speak harshly, raise our voices, or lose our patience. Rarely do we say no. But those in our inner circle? We often take their love for granted and assume it’ll always be there, regardless of what we do. The truth is, those family members who are treated poorly by the ones they love don’t always stick around. When love isn’t reciprocated, it sometimes dies.

God loves differently than we do, carefully considering our needs. Jesus was the ultimate example for us when he put our needs ahead of his own. He took the torture and death we were slated to receive and did it eagerly… lovingly. Instead of “hurting the ones he loved” as the song says, he allowed himself to be hurt. He volunteered to be the “sweetest rose,” willingly crushed so we wouldn’t have to be.

There is no possible way we could ever pay him back for what he did, but one thing we can do is mimic his love by loving our family members sacrificially rather than hurting the ones we’re supposed to love “most of all.”

“He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5)

Angelic Sculpture

Posted on January 16, 2012 by Margaret

Snow angels are made in several ways, and last week, after a good blizzard, we finally got to make the first ones of the season. Jack has his own angel-making method, throwing himself into the snow on his back, wriggling and squirming upsidedown. A child uses other ideas. She lies flat on her back, arcing arms and legs, then trying to stand up without making a boot-print on her angel. As for me, I like the idea of building a snowman-angel. And a true artist can carve an angel from a giant brick of snow.

The morning the blizzard came, while brushing my teeth I was wondering how much shoveling I’d have to do and how much time it would take. Then I heard the melodic sounds of a snow blower, and before I could even rinse my mouth out, I spotted my next-door-neighbor at work on my driveway.

Bob always has a positive word for everyone, and he let me know, once I got outside, that he thought the storm was beautiful. More impressive to me, though, was his unflagging determination to help the widow next door. He and his wife Linda have come to my rescue more than once, and that morning it happened again.

For the rest of that day, every time I looked outside, seeing Bob’s snow blowing lines on my driveway was a fresh blessing. Later, while thanking God for these neighbors, the Lord reminded me of the way Nate and I originally ended up next door to them.

We’d been casually looking in the area for several years, having outgrown the tiny summer cottage my sister and I shared with our spouses and 14 children. We knew we needed a second house but were frustrated with the unavailability of cottages in our price bracket. When a house came on the market at the right price, the location, size or condition wasn’t right.

Then one day, at the end of another unsuccessful hunt, the realtor said, “I heard a rumor another house was about to come on the market. Nothing’s official, and we don’t have the key yet, but let me make a call.”

That turned out to be the one. And when Nate and I bought it in 2000, we envisioned decades of family use and an eventual retirement for the two of us. Neither of us expected widowhood, but of course God knew it was coming and was preparing an optimum setting. The unlikely timing of the house “about to” come on the market with all the right features was the beginning, but most significant was his placing us next to our compassionate neighbors.