Occupying Center Stage

Posted on February 27, 2012 by Margaret

Family-friendly expert James Dobson says that when a new baby arrives, the youngsters already in the home have an interesting perspective. What they see and hear is the equivalent of daddy telling mommy, “Honey, I’ve got good news. I’m bringing home another wife to join our family. She’ll be just as important as you are, and I’ll love her just as much as I love you. She’ll be part of every family gathering and will sleep with us, too. We’ll have to treat her with extra kindness until she gets comfortable being here. You’ll just love her.”

Understanding this perspective, which is common in older siblings, gives us a clear picture of what’s just ahead for my daughter and son-in-law, who introduced a new baby one week ago. At the moment, everything is sunshine and light. Skylar, age 3, and Micah, 2, are still in a period of adjustment we used to call “the honeymoon stage” with the new baby still in the category of a new toy. “Can I hold the baby, Mommy?” is still being answered with, “Sure,” and cameras are still recording each episode. We’re praising their gentleness and finding it easy to continue the introductory litany:

“What a sweet big sister you are, Skylar. You’ll be a wonderful teacher for Autumn. She can’t do this… that… or the other… and you can.”

“Baby has no teeth, Micah. Do you have teeth? Wow! You can chew strawberries and beans, but baby can’t. What a big boy you are!”

Linnea and Adam know all about what’s upcoming and how to handle it, but that doesn’t make it easy. I’ve been impressed with their parenting and know they’ll persist in not allowing children #1 and #2 to occupy center-stage the way they’ll both want to.

Scripture gives a good deal of parental advice on this very point, stressing the importance of not permitting children to rule the roost. But it isn’t just a problem with kids. We adults like to occupy center-stage once in a while too, wanting increased attention from a husband, a parent, a friend or even God. We hate to wait our turn and often have difficulty sharing. We especially struggle with this when God is the one insisting on it:

“Why can’t I have positive answers to my prayers and have them immediately? And why do I have to serve in this… that… or the other capacity once again? Why can’t someone else do it this time?”

But when we begin thinking like this, we start sliding backwards spiritually. Living the Christian life is all about surrendering. Our calendars, the hours of our days, our energy and, much to our dismay, center-stage. But just as Skylar and Micah have to adjust to baby Autumn, the rest of us have to adjust to God’s way of doing things, especially if we want peace in the family.

“Be transformed by the renewal of your mind.” (Romans 12:2a)

Great Growth

Posted on February 26, 2012 by Margaret

Last week the midwife who helped deliver our little Autumn Faith on Monday returned for a follow-up visit to finalize the birth certificate and check on mommy and baby. Another thing she did was paint black ink all over Autumn’s tiny feet to imprint them on a certificate, allowing us to view her precious heel-to-toe soles in a new way.

As we marveled over her perfect feet, of course we credited God for the wonder of her unique print patterns, clearly evident in the ink. But when Skylar and Micah put their bare feet next to Autumn’s prints, the resulting picture could have been entitled, “Great Growth.” The progress made between birth and ages 2 and 3 was impressive. Autumn has her work cut out for her.

Pediatricians tell us a baby usually doubles its birth weight by 5 months and triples it by a year, by far the most dramatic growth in anyone’s life, even including a year when we might eat too much. Maybe that’s why eating is a baby’s favorite pastime. Such tremendous growth is a big job.

It’s interesting that God’s growth assignment for a newborn fits a baby’s abilities. Then as the years add up, he still expects growth, but in categories other than physically. A toddler’s biggest assignment is to learn speech and increase vocabulary. A preschooler has to conquer toilet training and begin understanding the social graces, including letting others go first.

Once we reach school, the more difficult growth begins, much of it in the school of hard knocks. Important growth takes place in the emotional realm as children learn to deflect criticism and handle verbal sparring. We grow best through the tough stuff we encounter, and the growth of our feet loses importance, except at the shoe store.

Then we hit full-blown adulthood, and slowly it dawns on us we’re falling short in being able to control life and even ourselves. We experience loss, heartbreak, and failure. And we learn we need help to grow.

God is ready and waiting, patiently standing by all the while as our little feet grow into walking ones, and much later as our childish nature grows into mature character. Little feet get bigger so we can become independent; but God grows our character greater so we can one day succeed not at being independent but at dependency, which doesn’t make sense unless we realize who he wants us to depend on. And of course it’s him.

Once we become dependent on him for every step we take with our big adult feet, life becomes richly satisfying. And it isn’t as if he doesn’t still have plans for our physical soles. He wants us to walk into the lives of others in an attempt to win other souls to dependency on him. And when we’ve grown into that, God lets us know our feet have become downright beautiful, even more attractive than the precious feet of a newborn baby.

“How beautiful… are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say… ‘Your God reigns!’ ” (Isaiah 52:7)

The Right Thing to Do

Posted on February 23, 2012 by Margaret

Before I traveled to Florida, I was happily navigating through Walmart in search of stickers for my grandchildren. Pushing through the women’s clothing section to get to the party aisle, I was thinking of my 5 little ones and especially of baby number 6 (who now has a name and face) when suddenly, out of nowhere, my own mother’s voice rang out in my head. “Margaret, shame on you. Pick that up.”

I’d just wheeled my cart around a grey fleece hoodie lying on the Walmart floor. Mom’s reprimand prompted a memory of decades before when I was a self-centered 15 year old. She and I were often at odds during those days, but we found ourselves on a shopping trip together at Wieboldt’s department store, searching for an outfit I needed but didn’t want.

Wandering amongst the circular racks of clothes, we came to a dress lying on the floor. Without breaking stride, Mom bent over, picked it up and hung it back on the rack. My inappropriate thought was, “They pay people to do that.” But I kept it to myself, to escape a lecture.

Despite my self-absorbed mindset, Mom’s good deed left a mark that lasted 50 years. She hadn’t picked up the dress to teach me a lesson or earn credit with me or anybody else. She did it because she knew someone had to do it, and her thought was it might as well be her. She could help, so she did. It was the right thing to do.

Knowing the right thing to do and doing it, not for credit, not to impress, and not in response to being told to do it, is a good way to live. I would imagine it’s very satisfying. Some people go through life trying to do as little as possible, working to tweak every set of circumstances to their advantage. Others not only live to be helpful, but it doesn’t even cross their minds to step over the clothing.

What is God’s view? Although he’s always overseeing the events on earth, his eyes scanning the crowds, I think he’s watching us especially carefully when we’re alone. How do we act when no one’s looking? Do we cut corners? Stretch the truth? Eat/drink/watch what we shouldn’t? Waste time/money? Do the bare minimum? Maneuver the shopping cart around the garment on the floor?

If we pictured a literal Jesus at our elbow, joining in on whatever we were doing, would we act differently? No doubt.