Monthly Archives: May 2012

A Heart’s Desire

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My pregnant daughter glowed when she recounted the experience of watching her child’s heart beat for the first time. It happened at a clinic in her university town during an ultrasound test, completely taking her by surprise. At 6 weeks along, she’d expected to see only a tiny, dark spot on the screen, so when the tech pointed out a miniature beating heart, she was stunned.

Birgitta could see it clearly, though her baby was only 1/4“ long with a heart the size of a poppy seed. But never mind it’s miniscule size. Her emotional heart began beating for that little heart right then, and I can tell her from mothering experience it will beat like that until one or the other of them dies.

Research tells us a baby’s heartbeat begins just 21 days after conception. Considering the average baby needs about 280 days of development before it’s ready to be born, this information is mind-boggling. Something else astonishing about a pregnancy is that 2 beating hearts are enclosed in one person’s body. In the case of multiples, there are more.

Birgitta said that at her second ultrasound (at 12 weeks), the doctor began listening for her baby’s beating heart but first heard Birgitta’s. Its regular 60-something beats per minute represented a heart that had been working since poppy seed size within Birgitta, who had been within me, 22 years ago. Since that time it hasn’t shut down for even a few seconds and will probably beat millions of additional times in her future.

As the tech moved her wand across Birgitta’s tummy, gradually her own heartbeat faded and a different beat was heard, strong and steady like the first one but at a pace of 150-something beats per minute. Though small, it was already being faithful to its purpose.

We’ve all heard the expression, “two hearts beating as one,” used in reference to the bond of marriage or a close friendship. The 2 hearts beating inside Birgitta are in as close proximity as any two can be, literally inches apart, yet they’re distinctly separate. They’re definitely not beating as one. And though they’ll always be mother and child, they’ll remain two very different people throughout life.

The Bible has a great deal to say about hearts, the most significant of which is the heart of God. What we learn is that he knows the secrets in our hearts, but regardless of what’s hiding there, he also knows we have a strong longing for him. He put it there when he made us in his image, and when we move to satisfy that longing, he is pleased.

In other words, our hearts beat for him, and his heart beats for us. If there was ever a golden opportunity to hope two hearts might beat as one, this would be it.

“The Lord searches every heart and understands every desire and every thought. If you seek him, he will be found by you.” (1 Chronicles 28:9)

My First Mother’s Day (By Birgitta)

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Technically, today is my first Mother’s Day. I haven’t met my baby yet, but I think motherhood began for me about 3 months ago when I learned I was pregnant. I found out on February 14th, and it was quite the unexpected Valentine. My fears and worries eased as I gradually shared the news with family and friends and was surrounded by their love.

Tonight my family went out to dinner and enjoyed a Mother’s Day celebration together. Among other things, my mom gave me a pack of diapers, and I realized that I’ve never changed a diaper before. It’s hard not to feel a little defensive when people tell me I have no idea what I’m in for or how difficult this will be for me. My life has already changed quite a bit. I think it’s important for me to look for the good, happy, and beautiful things all around me as I move forward.

My mom has been a tremendous example to me of always focusing on the positive things. Her upbeat attitude is contagious, especially when it comes to my baby. I can’t forget how delighted I felt when I first saw my baby dancing around inside of me or heard that precious heartbeat for the first time. It’s amazing to think about the brand new life I’ll be a part of and the intense connection and joy I’ve experienced.

One year from now on my second Mother’s Day, I’ll probably have experienced some of what others have “warned” me about. But just the thought of being able to hold and kiss my baby has me eagerly awaiting that day and the whole year ahead!

Try Again (…from yesterday)

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The thorny Q&A session between Jesus and his buddy Peter was awkward at best. Jesus initiated:

“Peter, do you agape me?” (Greek word for pure, sacrificial, God-like love)

“Yes, Lord, you know I phileo you.” (Greek word for best-friend love)

Then Jesus asked the same thing again and got the same answer:

“Peter, do you agape me?”

“Yes, Lord, you know I phileo you.”

But the third time, Jesus changed his question a little, using Peter’s word. “Peter, do you phileo me?”

Peter heard the switch and may have sighed and slumped his shoulders before answering. “Lord, you know everything. You know I phileo you.”

*                 *                 *                 *                 *                 *                 *

What was the point of that conversation?

I agree with scholars that Jesus asked Peter 3 questions to symbolize his 3 denials, giving him a chance to confirm love rather than betrayal, but something else was going on, too.

This was Peter’s second chance to say the right thing, and this time he wanted to be impeccably honest. So when Jesus asked if he had a pure agape love for him, Peter’s only correct response had to be, “Yes, I really love you, Lord, but I’m only as good as phileo. Remember, I’m the betrayal guy, which proves how far I have to go to get to agape.” Having to answer Jesus as he did probably stabbed Peter in his emotional heart, but at least he knew he’d told the truth this time.

But Jesus plowed ahead and asked the question again! Ouch. Peter probably thought, “Didn’t he hear me? Or is he unhappy with my answer?” But he stuck with the truth. When Jesus asked a third time, Peter was beside himself… until he realized Jesus was communicating a quiet message of acceptance and understanding. “Ok Peter. So you love me with a brotherly phileo love, is that it?”

The text says Peter was really hurting, but he responded appropriately. “You know everything, so you know that phileo is the best I can do.” Jesus was satisfied with his response, because immediately after that he changed the subject.

Something about this conversation increases my love for Jesus. He did two important things for Peter in their exchange. He gave him a chance to redeem himself from his awful betrayals, and he let Peter know he accepted him just as he was, duplicity and all.

Jesus is still doing those same two things for us today, handing us 2nd chances (and 3rd, 4th, 5th) to redeem our past mistakes, and showing us that no matter what we’ve done, he still accepts us. We may never reach agape here on earth, but I have a hunch once we’ve moved in with Jesus, he’ll show us how.

A third time he asked him, “Simon son of John, do you phileo me?” Peter was hurt that Jesus asked… a third time. He said, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I phileo you.” (John 21:17)