Monthly Archives: October 2011

On the Move

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Fall is a season of change. Children go back to school, college co-eds head back to campus, and many young adults sign new apartment leases. Each change involves packing up, rearranging all things familiar and, in some cases, making a major move.

Last week my sister and brother-in-law joined the relocation parade by moving from their suburban home of 40 years to downtown Chicago.

The buyer of their 5000+ square foot house was a young couple with a toddler and baby. After hunting in the area for a year, they toured Bervin and Mary’s home and fell in love with it the first time through. We puzzled over why such a small family would commit to such a large house, but gradually the pieces came together.

The young mother, on her second visit, made mention of the “Christian energy” throughout the rooms, commenting on the peaceful atmosphere. “It’s just what we’ve been looking for,” she said. Her husband asked if they could buy the 3’ X 4’ framed Scripture verse hanging over the front door: “Know thou the God of thy father, and serve him with a perfect heart and with a willing mind.”

At the real estate closing, the reason they chose a large home became clear. The buyers handed Mary a note of gratitude and described how they felt called to help missionaries and planned to use their extra rooms for that purpose.

It can be a challenge to leave the home where you’ve raised 7 children, but when the process became difficult, the testimony of these young buyers made it easier. As Mary said, “I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather have living in our home.”

Last summer Bervin and Mary offered housing to missionaries from Ireland. This family of 6 needed a place to stay for a month, and also needed a car. Bervin and Mary gave a thumbs-up to both requests, proving to be good examples of the scriptural instruction hanging in their entry. Their buyers will continue in this vein.

All of us can look back on multiple moves, and it’s a good idea to search for God’s plan in the progression; sometimes it’s as plain as an architect’s blueprint. Over four decades of time, because of Mary and Bervin’s willingness to serve, God used their home for his purposes in hundreds of ways. As they left that address, he moved along with them and is preparing a fresh blueprint with plans for use of their new home.

Yesterday Louisa and her cousin Marta made a move of their own, from their family homes to an apartment just north of the Loop. After unloading cars and pickups full of boxes, bins and beds, we gathered in their small living room and Bervin prayed, inviting God’s involvement in their new home.

And we know the Lord is ready with the perfect blueprint for two 20-somethings living in the heart of Chicago.

“Know thou the God of thy father, and serve him with a perfect heart and with a willing mind. If thou seek him, he will be found of thee.” (1 Chronicles 28:9)

Future Widows

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Writing a book gobbles up more than 40 hours each week but is very satisfying work, and I’m privileged to have the chance. My book’s purpose is to nourish careworn widows with daily devotionals focusing on God’s provision for them.

The process between an author signing a contract and a reader being able to hold the book in her hands is usually more than a year, but of course God sees the finished product today and, more importantly, those who’ll need it. He knows which pages will end up stained with tears from which woman’s grieving eyes and is shaping each devotional entry now, in 2011, toward individuals who will read them in 2012.

Yesterday I spent time thinking about these women, future widows who next year will be where I was two years ago, and God gave me a shocking thought. Many of my future readers are not yet widows. They’re still married to the men they love and have no inkling widowhood is quietly moving toward the edges of their lives. In some cases, widowhood will arrive to the very young who are still thinking they’ll reach their 50th anniversaries.

Recently I chatted with a youthful mother of three who lost her husband as they slept side-by-side, discovering his death in the morning when he didn’t rouse with his alarm. In her shock she didn’t know what to do next. Her children, stirring in adjacent rooms on a school morning, were ages 8, 7 and 5. In the chaotic weeks and months that followed, this 34 year old widow needed mountains of support. I fervently hope my book will help women just like her.

Other 2012 widows will be those now married to older men. Even then, when death is more likely and logical, that woman’s distress over losing her mate will be enormous. If disease factors in, we think a wife will be sufficiently forewarned to escape some of the sorrow after death comes. But in talking with scores of widows, I’ve learned that an illness-warning doesn’t lessen heartache.

Still others will experience circumstances similar to mine, a combination of disease’s warning with the calendar’s “too soon.” According to census figures, nearly a million American women will become widows in 2012. As I write my book and pray for them, most have no clue they’ll be in that group.

But God knows.

And he is the single most effective rescue for each one. As I think through the devotionals I’m writing, my heart hurts for those about to start down this road, but I consider lack of future awareness a blessing for them, as it was for me. While writing within God’s promptings, I’m relieved to know he sees and loves each soon-to-be-widow and is preparing comfort now, for those who don’t yet know they’ll need it tomorrow.

“Don’t be afraid… You will no longer remember… the sorrows of widowhood.” (Isaiah 54:4)

Appreciating Differences

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I’ve recently met again with Nate’s cancer doctor, Dr. Ross Abrams. In the last two years he’s graciously agreed to meet every few months, 5 times in all since Nate died. Each time we’ve had an interesting and challenging conversation in his hospital office.

This time, as I approached the Rush University Medical Center where Nate and I first learned of his terminal cancer, it was hard not to let my feelings wander. I knew if they did, they’d head toward melancholy, since every hospital memory, including 14 radiation treatments and multiple scans, was tainted with the disease that ended in death.

But I found myself once again in the radiation department surrounded by cancer patients, grateful for the sensitive, expert treatment Nate received when we were there. Dr. Abrams had much to do with that.

Although he and I are about the same age, we have little in common. His strengths are in medicine, and I generally avoid doctor’s offices. He’s methodical and deep, while I’m slapdash and flighty. Most significantly, Dr. Abrams is an Orthodox Jew and I am a Christian. One of his sons is a rabbi, and several of mine have been on missions for Christ. Yet two years after we first met under the stressful conditions of stage 4 cancer, we’ve become friends, because we’ve found some common ground on which to meet.

In the beginning it was all about his patient, my husband. We had a shared concern for Nate’s best welfare and tried to get him through his vicious cancer without being overwhelmed by suffering, though we both knew his disease would eventually conquer. Dr. Abrams remembers Nate as a strong, courageous man who endured suffering bravely. This means a great deal to me, and I’ve appreciated him telling me that.

The doctor and I have also shared common ground in enjoying our big families, and I’ve become acquainted with his wife and children through the line-up of 8” x 10” photographs on his office shelves. He’s winning at the grandchildren game, though, his 10 to my almost-6. But as he says, “It’s not a competition.”

We’ve also shared common ground in our love of Scripture, and both of us relate to God the Father as his children, although in different ways. As we participate in our conversations, I often wonder what God is thinking about the two of us. Both of us trace our start to Adam and Eve, and because they were both made in God’s image, Dr. Abrams and I were, too. In this we are the same.

Both of us are also recipients of God’s love. The Father does, I believe, desire to forgive us both from personal sin and restore us to himself, when sin causes us to break fellowship with him.

I look forward to our future conversations, particularly as they relate to faith matters, and know God has specific things in mind to teach both of us through our friendship.

”Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.” (Lamentations 3:32)